The Void

Chapter Sixteen. The First Sacrifice.

A dark cloud of dread hangs around me as I pace our bedroom, the hours have ticked by, I've given them time, but the morning sun has turned into the evening sunset, and they haven't come for me. I can't expect for them to keep coming for me every time I run but I didn't think they'd stop, I just needed everything to stop, just for a moment.

Standing under the freezing water until there was nothing left to feel was the only idea I had, I kept waiting for one of them to throw open the door while I was standing there but they didn't. All these words and promises to not leave me behind, that they trust me, and now where are they? It's been a long time since I distrusted them, it's myself that I continue to be at war with.

It would make sense if maybe they had to come up with a new plan, they didn't come running because they needed to talk but it's been hours now and I'm starving, and I'm worried.

There's no way that they thought the plan would work, maybe it was the only one any of us had, but you can't fake the complete and utter shock that followed my success. I can tell them I don't want to hurt them until I am blue in the face but if I didn't move my hands out of the way, there's no saying I wouldn't have hit him.

We can ignore my concerns and mask the fear and anxieties with empty words of reassurance and promises of stability, but it doesn't make it real. Doesn't eliminate the threat. This cloud of dark anxiety isn't moved by my self-reflection, in fact it only seems to loom bigger as the hours tick by, I search for the threads that connect me to them, but I come up short.

I can feel them, like a phantom tug in the centre of my chest but I can't grasp the strands and let them lead me to my missing pieces.

My whole world spins when the door to my room swings open, the handle banging loudly on the side of the closet, my heart soars and then drops when I see her. I'm in front of her before the door stops swinging, my hands sliding up Selena's shoulders until my hands are pulling her vacant gaze to me.

Chocolate eyes are dark, a little lost, her full lips pulled into a deep frown, and I realise that this isn't about me, something happened. "Are you okay?" I ask, pulling her close, trying to see into the very depths of her being but she doesn't move.

It's like something has fractured inside of her, like her normally keen mind has split, her hands remain by her side, golden skin covered in a thin layer of sweat and I'm bulldozed by another wave of relentless anxiety.

"I don't know" She mutters distantly, eyes pinching closed in long blinks, as if she's trying to clear her vision. There have been a lot of ups and downs between us, but she's never sounded this sad, this exhausted.

I spin her, walking us backwards with careful steps, until her knees are hitting the edge of the bed and she's sinking numbly into the comforter. Crouching down in front of her, my hands skim the length of her body, looking for wounds that would have healed by now.

Except I know that the worst ones are often the ones the naked eye cannot see, and I can feel it, a cold chasm in her chest. It's a startling realisation, that Kyle isn't here, that he is always here.

My breathing hitches, if Kyle was missing, Rhydian would be with Selena looking. How long has she been walking in circles for? "Explain to me everything that happened after I left yesterday" I prod.

"We didn't think it would work, we argued, we didn't know what to do next and you ran off on us, and Rhydian and I wanted to search for you. Kyle thought you might need a minute to yourself to realise what happened without us coddling you" She begins, chocolate eyes finally returning my gaze, my hands squeezing against hers. "Mady came, apparently the guards reported seeing a suspicious group of people by the back gate. Cole came seconds later, needed Kyle, there was a letter left in one of the crates that came in with the produce delivery... I stayed back to go and check on you, but everything was so confusing. It's like someone is picking at my insides and I can't focus through the feeling"