The Void

Chapter Nineteen. Is This Reality?

I used to be hyper aware of the rapid beat of my heart in my chest in conjunction with the rise and fall of my chest, but I can barely feel any of it now. It's like my insides are leaking out of me, and I didn't think it could get worse, until she injected me with what remained of that first syringe.

The black stain that has overtaken my veins, is now twining around my wrist, and slithering around my fingers, she's turned me into a void of what I once was. Except, I don't feel strong anymore, she's drained me of that flicker of drive I found, and now I don't see a way out of this predicament.

The cell is eerily familiar and the distant memories of my last time here itch annoyingly at the back of my head, the fear that came with Cole and Mady poisoning me. Killing everything I had clung too for so long, my ability to not fall into the depths of this power and what comes with it

My better judgement nags at me to feel something other than satisfaction for what I have done and the deaths that stain my skin, but how can I? Not when I managed to do something I was meant too, for however short that time was. I know, that despite the Spirits feelings on the matter, there has to be a solution to this nightmare.

I focus on the smell of blood and bleach that surrounds me, it's the familiar scent that helps me identify where I am. No matter how many times they wash the concrete there's no way to cover up the stench of death and wash every splatter of blood from the stone. I can't plug my nose to ignore the stench when my wrists are bound on scrapped silver shackles, the hard pressure digging into my flesh and causing deep red gashes to appear from my insistent tugging.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

No matter how much time I spend thinking everything over, I can't figure out the, why, of any of it. I know that my purpose is to wipe out Vampire's or diminish them enough that they don't hold majority power, but how do I figure out who is bad and who isn't? if I have learnt anything from Rhydian, Sel and Kyle, it's that for some people this curse has made them happier than they were before.

If there's one thing I know, it's that right now I have no control and I'm not a practising Witch and that might be the biggest disadvantage of them all. Perhaps that's the biggest failure of them all when it comes to this spell, that we are a vessel for this magic, but we can't manipulate it and because of that, we remain at the disadvantage to their power.

Every fighter before me would have been just as confused, clueless to what was going on and thrown into this unwilling and scared. How many of them have suffered? It would have to be more than I witnessed, they all looked as though they had lived before the 1900's, so when was the last time someone experienced what I am now? Did the Witches know of Soul bonds linking humans to Vampires, because if they really are abominations then how are they able to feel something so pure? I know with certainty that some humans are worse than these Vampires.

How am I supposed to annihilate everyone with that knowledge? Can I even stop it? I know, even as numbness seeps into my bones, that I don't want to kill Rhydian but knowing I won't have a choice, shreds at the still organ in my chest.

Logically I know that Rhydian has killed more people than I can fathom, in war, and in building the life that has kept so many people safe here. How much of it can be written off, and how steep is the price one must pay for that?

I guess, the heartbreaking answer is sometimes the price is more brutal than we wish it to be. Selena and Kyle have never even eluded to what the answer would be for them, but they've been with Rhydian for centuries, so how innocent could they possibly be?

They lived miserably until Rhydian saved them. and brought them together, and I can understand what Mady is insinuating. Now I have to be the one to break that bond, and tear them away from each other, I hate that reality, I hate that she has more control over my actions than I do.