The Void

Chapter Six. Just Take Me Away, Please.

That's the thing about living with dead people, nothing makes sense because their existence doesn't make sense, they don't operate like anyone else I know because they don't have too. Our realities are too different, my emotions are too obvious and they're too hidden.

Everyone has rage and yet, Kyle's caught me off guard, the ferocity in which his words tore me open has left me with wounds that won't heal, and I don't want them too. I never wanted them too; I wanted them to leave me to be feasted on so that I wouldn't have to feel like this anymore. It was so close, so within reach and yet instead of letting the life dribble out of the poisonous holes they patched me up and locked me away.

Forced me to live with dead people when I am the one begging on my knees pleading, taking the pills, and letting myself bleed and failing to be dead too.

Nothing makes sense anymore and, in the beginning, I wanted answers, I wanted to know what was so special about me that they wanted me around when I have never even wanted myself around. If I was giving them something they needed then I needed to know why, and now that curiosity has dried up.

Kyle didn't leave me slumped against the ground, he didn't tuck me in either, just left me on my bed, legs dangling off the edge. I didn't even notice it that time, the way everything blurred around the edges, I was too focused on his words and the perception of him withering, to realise I was having a panic attack.

The world has muffled around the edges since then, because there isn't any amount of books or stories you can grow up listening to that will prepare you for what it's really like. Maybe that's the point. Vampires and Witches, they were just stories, not a warning for what really lurks out in the dark so who would be prepared?

Some people believe without proof, they think it's interesting, a conspiracy but would they fare better here than the rest of us? No. Because they're supposed to drain your blood and let you die, not adopt you as a disobedient and ungrateful pet.

They treated me like a friend, maybe that was the worst part, that I knew this felt like a trap and yet I walked willingly into it anyway. I reminded myself of the facts and got caught in the web, so who's fault is the consequences really?

At least Rhydian showed me his true intentions from the very start, he regarded me with such disinterest that it eases some of the displacement I felt, because that's how I was always treated. It was normal. What wasn't was Selena and Kyle being so kind, I chalked it up to the connection between us, why else would they sleep beside me, Selena's head pressed to my back.

I didn't adore it, in fact sleeping beside someone that wasn't Monica was more painful than I anticipated but I let it distract from the pounding pain in my chest. I think I was lonely, that cavernous kind of hollowness that came with everything that happened, that followed me in my sleep and throbbed against my temples as they took what they could from me.

In the beginning I thought it would fade, that they'd suck whatever it was out of me and then what use would I be anymore? And maybe because I was good to them, they would do me the courtesy of snapping my neck and ending me swiftly.

I should have known. I should have learnt by now that the things I want never happen, that whatever pleas I send up into the clouds will always remain unheard.

The piles of books they have left me with didn't stop the boredom from creeping in, books that told me fanciful stories and until lunch outside, didn't answer any of my thousands of questions. Honestly, even with their explanations I still don't understand, and I suppose that's because I live in a cage, not their world.

Mostly I wonder about what they do for Rhydian, every time I have seen him since that first morning, he hasn't bothered to hide his irritation with my presence. I never realised that he wasn't the only one leaving me alive for Selena's sake.