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Chapter 22 - Up the Duff Without a Paddle

Chapter 22 - Up the Duff Without a Paddle

Patience suppressed a smirk as Anna’s eyes opened wide.  She looked at the huge plate of food, red meat and all, in front of her like Patience had just asked her to eat Alien-on-a-stick. 

“All the food groups,” Patience continued, “Including dairy.” She pointed at the desert which consisted of ice cream, lashings of real cream, and sprinkles. 

Anna’s panicked eyes flew to the revolted expressions of the other cheerleaders who each sat with a single carrot stick on their otherwise empty plates.

“Eat up!  You need to have 3 solid meals now that you are eating for two.”

“No, I can’t...” She stuttered.

“You have to Anna.  Studies have proven that if the foetus doesn’t get sufficient nutrients in the early stages there are more chances of abnormalities,” Patience had no idea if this was true or not but it seemed to work, “You have responsibilities now Anna.”

“But... all of this?”

“Yes, I’ve taken the liberty of drawing up a meal schedule, breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner and before bed snack.”

“Snack?”

“Yes, you need to be constantly grazing so that your nutrient levels don’t drop.  Here,” Patience handed her a selection of chocolate bars.  “Diary, sugar and carbs - perfect snacks.”

“Chocolate!” Anna’s chair scraped out from the table as she tried to distance herself from the bright foil wrappers.

“Well you will need to put on some pounds,” Patience nodded like this was obvious, “It makes the birthing easier.  You have to have solid hips if you are going to squeeze out a 7oz baby.  I’ve heard it’s like trying to push a watermelon through a hole the size of a pea.”

“Loyal?” Anna swung around to find Loyal trying to ignore the whole spectacle, much like he had been ignoring her all day.  When he shrugged and turned back to Josh she was forced to look back at the food that was piled up in front of her. “No.  I’m not eating all that.”

“Yes, you are.  And you will have to drink lots of water, lots of water, and no caffeine, you know coffee, tea, coke or caffeine enhanced drinks. Ohh that reminds me, it’s such a shame about the party.”

“What?  What’s the party got to do with this?”

“I’m sure you know.”

“Know what?”

“Very funny Anna!” Patience laughed, “Of course you know that you can’t drink Alcohol!  Everyone knows that you can’t drink when you are pregnant!”

Anna’s eyes flew to her friends who were all nodding their heads.

“Hey!  Anna can be the designated driver for the rest of the year!” Josh piped up.

A couple of footballers knocked fists before turning to her and asking, “We’re having a party by the lake this weekend!  That would be excellent!  We can all get plastered.  You’d drive everyone home wouldn’t you Anna?”

“I have the cheerleading competition on the weekend, so no I’m not going to drive you drunken assholes anywhere!” Anna’s fists curled into tight balls. 

“Don’t be silly, Anna,” Serenity joined the table just in time to catch the last comment, “Patience told me and of course I’ve substituted you.  Girls we will need to do some extra practices, Jessica doing Anna’s routine, but there shouldn’t be a problem.”