Chapter sixteen- Last Kiss
After the fight between Luke and Jai and Luke and I, I made a pact to myself to just move on with my life. So that’s what I did.
For the next year or so, I finished school and completed my HSC exams while working a part time job at Cotton On Body. I was still friends with Jai, Beau, James and Skip; but Luke and I never ever spoke another word to each other. I would see him around all the time, but neither of us made any effort to start a conversation…we weren’t even at the point where we would say ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye’ to each other anymore. Luke continued dating Sara; the girl who originally broke us up in the first place for about three months until he realised that she was just using him for money and fame and that she was actually seeing another guy behind his back the entire time. Beau told me about the entire relationship and how it ended- and I was so tempted to go and comfort him, but the memories of what he did to me stopped me in my tracks. I wanted him to know how it felt to be betrayed by the one that you trusted the most.
The Janoskians were really starting to take off and the boys were at the height of their popularity, and I couldn’t be more proud of them. None of their fans bothered me anymore after Luke and I broke up- so my life went back to being relatively normal.
My older brother, Matthew, got married to his high-school sweetheart during this time. Her name’s Chantelle and both Matt and her are at the ripe old age of 21. I was one of the bridesmaids at their wedding and it was the most beautiful wedding I’d ever been to. Somewhere inside of me while I watched my brother and my soon to be sister-in-law say their vowels, I wished that somehow things would have worked out with Luke, and maybe someday we’d be saying the exact same vowels and growing old together. And It didn’t help that Luke and all the other Janoskians were sitting in the church watching the ceremony as well. I caught Luke’s eye a few times, but quickly looked away as I remembered that we were supposed to hate each other.
Once I finished high school I had to make a decision. The decision that I had was to stay in Melbourne and be with my four best friends in the world, or to move to Sydney to study Law at a top university there. I remember the day when I told my options to the boys. They were screaming at me to stay with them in Melbourne and that I couldn’t possibly move to Sydney where it would be so hard to see them or to be in contact with them. They all had tears in their eyes and none of them would stop hugging me, begging me to stay. Luke stayed silent the entire time, not even looking at me. I decided to move to Sydney.
As I settled into my new apartment in the suburbs of Sydney, I knew that at that moment, that it would be completely the end of Luke and I. When I was still in Melbourne I always had a lingering thought in my mind that somehow Luke and I would apologise for all we’d done to one another and magically get back together and pretend like nothing bad ever happened between us. But I knew it was unrealistic, so I would usually just shut those thoughts out. Now that I was living in Sydney, I got used to not seeing him almost everyday when I was out with the other boys. I got used to not accidentally catching his eye throughout the day. I got used to not having to purposely ignore him because I was around him so much. I got used to not having to wish that something would happen again between us. I got used to him being gone. I got used to him being out of my life.
I tried my best to stay in touch with the other four boys, especially Jai as he was the most heartbroken out of them all when I moved. But with uni expectations and deadlines as well as work and other commitments- we just fell out of contact. Even though I would see the Janoskians appear on the news and on the radio- it wasn’t the same as being with them. I felt like I barely knew them anymore, and it even got to the point where I questioned our friendship. It was like the New York move all over again.
I also knew that Luke and I were officially over and done with when I got my first boyfriend after my break-up with Luke. His name was Jackson and he was lovely. He treated me like a princess and spoiled me whenever he could. He was everything that I’d ever wanted in a guy…but he wasn’t Luke. I still can’t figure out what it was about Luke that drew me to him. He cheated on me, and I resented him for that; but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. And don’t get me wrong- I was super happy with Jackson. I honestly and truly loved him; in fact, he was the only boyfriend that I ever loved apart from Luke. But whenever Jackson and I were on a date, I would secretly always wish that it was Luke taking me out to dinner instead. I tried my hardest to not think this way, but some things you just can’t help.
The entire time I would sit there wondering if Luke was doing the same thing. Was he missing me that way that I was missing him? Or had he entirely moved on and is dating some other girl and pushed me completely out of his memory?
“Now I’ll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes. All that I know is I don’t know, how to be something that you miss.”
