Chapter Eighteen- Breathe
I quickly walked out of the room, not wanting to deal with Luke and my emotions. My heart was so torn and I could it almost hear it beating faster by the second as I grasped what actually just happened.
One half of me wanted to run up to Luke and hug him and never let him go. But then my logical side kicked in and reminded me that it would be the wrong thing to do. It was so I didn’t get hurt again. But had he changed? After me, had he ever cheated on another girl?
I sat down in the hospital’s maternity waiting ward which was currently empty. I sat there in the tweed style chair thinking about how my life would have been like if I forgave Luke and continued our relationship when we were both seventeen. I couldn’t help but feel a tad sad that I never gave it another go, but figured that it was the best option for me at the time…besides; I never would have met Jackson. Unlike Luke and I, Jackson and I continued to remain friends after the break-up. It wasn’t a dramatic break-up, it was civil and we’ve both successfully moved on. The problem was though, is that I think I moved back onto Luke. Slowly after the break-up I began thinking about Luke a little more each day…but that was only for about a month. After that I began hating him again. Until today, that is. Something inside me made me drawn to him. And all the hate and negativity that I felt towards Luke suddenly disappeared.
I sighed and massaged my temples, closing my eyes for a few seconds. When I opened them again I saw Luke standing in front of me, his hands in his pockets, looking down at me.
“Hey.” Luke said to me, the first thing he’d said to me in almost five years.
“Hi.” I couldn’t look him directly in the eyes, so instead- I looked at my hands.
“How have you been?” He said, trying to start a conversation with me.
“I’ve been great, I’m loving it in Sydney.”
“That’s good.”
That was kind of the end of our conversation. Luke decided to take a seat next to me, and we just sat there in silence. Neither of us really looked at each other, we were both playing with our hands trying to decide on what to say next.
“Did you ever miss us?” I was shocked when I heard Luke speak again, because it was the question I was dreading.
I wanted to act like I didn’t miss them and that I had loved my life in Sydney so much that I never wanted to move back to Melbourne again. I wanted to pretend that It didn’t bother me if I never saw Luke again. But in reality I wanted nothing more to go back to my old life; to be friends with the boys again and be with them every other day. I missed Luke most of all. I missed what we had. I considered lying to him, but before I could decide the word escaped my mouth.
“Yes.”
Luke shifted his body and was now facing me directly, his eyes locked on mine.
“We missed you too. I missed you most of all.”
“Then why did you never attempt to make things civil again while I was still in Melbourne?” I questioned Luke, curious to see his answer.
“Because…because I didn’t want to deal with my feelings. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was such a dickhead to you and that you deserved so much better than me. I didn’t want to reconcile with you because I didn’t want to have the chance of letting you down. I didn’t want to disappoint you again. So i guess ignoring you was the easiest way for me to move on with my life.”
I sat there looking down at my hands, taking in what Luke said. It turns out that we were both doing exactly the same thing; running away from our feelings, so that neither of us knew how the other felt.
“All I want is for things to return to the way they were when we were seventeen.” Luke continued to speak as I still looked down at my hands.
“If you’re not willing to give me another chance, then I’m not going to force you into anything. I just want to have you in my life. I’m not going to let you slip out of my hands again. If I get to see your beautiful face everyday, regardless if we’re together or not, I’ll be happy.”
I looked up to meet Luke’s eyes. He was staring at me, his eyes looked like they were pleading slightly, but they mostly looked sad. I could tell from knowing him for so long that he was being genuine.
And that’s when I realised that maybe Luke and I were supposed to be together all along. When I wasn’t with him I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Like he was the strength that pulled me through life and without him, everything was like a free-fall.
Without hesitation, I moved closer to Luke and pressed my lips against his. He was shocked at first because the kiss came out of the blue, but he quickly returned it- pulling me in closer to him by my waist. As we pulled away, breathless, I could see a smile appear on Luke’s lips as he whispered “I missed this.”
“You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand, and I can’t breathe without you, but I have to.”
