Naraku Rewrites the Stars

Ch. 27 Heart Wavering

Previously, Kagome and Inuyasha have calmed down and have started having a heart to heart conversation about their feelings. 

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Inuyasha eyes grew wide as his body went rigid. 

He blinked. Then, blinked again, trying his best to process what Kagome said. Slowly, her words sunk in and so did his previous suspicions return. When he had returned in the morning and Shippo, Sango, and Miroku told him Kagome had not returned all of last night and has yet to return, a small part of his guilty conscience had a suspicion she might have seen him and Kikyo together. However, his worry for her safety and well being won over his suspicion. 

But now, his suspicion was proven valid. She did see him with Kikyo. Inuyasha could not bring himself to say anything to Kagome anymore. If she had heard everything between him and Kikyo did he need to say anymore? Did he deserve a chance to explain himself? What was there to explain? 

Once again, for the second time in the span of minutes, Inuyasha could not look Kagome in the eye. He felt so ashamed. He knew what he did was wrong, but he knew if he had the chance to meet with Kikyo again, talk to her again, hold her body once more, he would do it in a heartbeat. 

That is how much he loved her, even if it meant hurting Kagome he would still do it. But it did not mean he did not love Kagome if anything, because he loves Kagome the guilt, shame and remorse he feels afterward suffocating for him. It eats away his heart from the inside out, making him feel worse than scum. And most of the time, worse than Naraku. 

Kikyo was right. He did play as big of a role as Naraku in this spider web of betrayal and love between him, her and Kagome. He hurt them both so much. And how could he? Does he not love these two women? Does he not swear by his mother's grave he would live and die for both? That he would become a full human, demon or stay half-demon on both's wishes? That he would never abandon them even if the world has? 

Then, why?! Why does he keep hurting them?! 

Kagome saw it, the calm and small smile that had started playing on Inuyasha's lips disappeared right away when she said she had seen him and Kikyo last night and heard everything. 

She knew he would react like this. This is why she was afraid to confront him about this. She was afraid to hurt him. She did not want to be the reason why he was frustrated with himself. Or even part of the reason why he felt so guilty. Not simply because her heart always tore at the sight of him beat himself up, but it would give her hope. 

He stilled felt remorse for hurting her. He stilled cared about her. He still loved her. She held a place in his heart Kikyo could never have and that meant the world to Kagome. It meant she still had a chance. She could fight for him. She could win his heart. She could be the one he chooses in the end. 

Nonetheless, as quickly as those thoughts came, her conscience reminded her, but at what cost? Her never being able to forgive herself? Her constantly thinking Inuyasha only picked her out of guilt? Her regretting stealing Kikyo's happiness away from her? 

Kagome sadly smiled to herself. No, that was not what she wanted. She wanted to let go. She wanted Kikyo to be happy. She wanted Inuyasha to be happy. She wanted them to be happy. 

Gradually, as to not startle him, she moved her hand away from his hand and then start wrapping it around him, while her other hand followed suit. As she started hugging him, she could feel his body stiffen at first, but steadily relax in her hold. Together they enjoyed the touch of the other person, wishing they could stay like this for longer. 

Kagome chuckled, she thought it was so fascinating at how one moment they could be at each other's throats, the next sad as heck, the next joking around, then back to sad, and then, now, to something entirely different. 

She was always going through a rollercoaster of emotions when she was with Inuyasha. Anything he did could break her heart, sett her off on an angry outburst, or bring a smile to her face. But the same went for her. Whatever she did affect Inuyasha the same what he did affect her.  Whether he would like to admit it or not, Inuyasha was as sensitive if not, more sensitive then her. And she knew it was for the same reason, he loved her.  

And she loved him. She loved him more than he could ever know. Which gives her more of a reason, why, she should try her best to help him find his happiness in life.  Not, the reason he loathes himself, he is not happy and restrains himself from going to the person who gives him the happiness he deserves. 

Kagome lightly sighed, "You know, you love her, right?" 

Inuyasha's body tensed at Kagome question. He contemplated lying but immediately changed his mind because at least in at this moment he wanted to be honest with Kagome. Not lie to her. 

Inuyasha started, "Yeah," before taking a deep breath, then exhaling, "I love her." 

Kagome continued, "More than me, right?" 

Truthfully, he defended, "I love you both, Kagome." 

Kagome shook her head against Inuyasha chest, "But you love her more." 

Inuyasha hugged Kagome tighter as a way to not let his temper flare and ruin their moment, before replying, "No I don't." 

Kagome raised a brow, "Oh, really?" 

"Yes, really," Inuyasha returned. 

Kagome questioned, "Then you're not able to choose between the two of us?" 

"Yeah," Inuyasha shamefully answered and silently added, that's the problem. 

Kagome titled her head up, looing Inuyasha in the eye, as she asked with a peaceful voice, "Then, guess what?" 

Inuyasha replied, "What?" 

"You can't have us both. You have to decide," Kagome said with a sad grin. 

"Sometimes I wish I could or at least I didn't have to pick," Inuyasha admitted. 

Kagome laughed, "Well aren't you greedy?" 

A smirk appeared on Inuyasha's face. "What did you expect? The blood of the greediest creature walking on this world plus a dog demon's is running through my veins. It would be more surprising if I wasn't greedy. If I didn't want you both..." 

Inuyasha took a moment to collect himself before continuing, "Kagome?" 

"Yeah, I'm listening Inuyasha," Kagome answered. 

"I..." Inuyasha began. 

"Yeah?" Kagome asked. 

Inuyasha proceeded, "I couldn't save Kikyo... That pained me. And it still does... And I still love her. I couldn't say that I was suffering. I felt like I had to bear this alone. I was so focused on myself that I never ignored your feelings..." 

Inuyasha breathed, "Forgive me, Kagome." 

Kagome eyes started to water. Tears started falling down her cheeks. She loved him, she really did love him. Does she really have to give up on him? Does she have to? Can't she just be with him and be happy with him? Is that too much to ask for? 

As Kagome buried her face into Inuyasha's chest to cry her heart out, she could not help but wonder does love always get so completed. Most of her heart is telling her to do what is right, while some of it is whispering to her to do what she wants, not caring about the consequences. 

Someone, please, tell me what to do. 

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Author's Note: I hope you guys and gals enjoyed reading this chapter! Please, give me feedback on my work! Good! Bad! Or even grammar corrections! I'd really appreciate it! See you next week.