n. a recurring thought that only seems to strike you late at night-an overdue task, a nagging guilt, a looming and shapeless future-that circles high overhead during the day, that pecks at the back of your mind while you try to sleep, that you can s...
the way you speak of yourself the way you degrade yourself into smallness is abuse -rupi kaur
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•••
i looked in the mirror, hand wrapped tightly around my bare stomach. my fingers trailed across my overly large thighs, across my "hippo hips," and finally, towards my face. my imperfect face. my oily skin, my abnormally small lips. everything about me was hideous. so why couldn't shōyō see that?
why couldn't shōyō see that he deserved better? he deserved somebody with perfect skin, soft and smooth. somebody with beautiful lips, a soft spoken smile. somebody with a flat stomach, somebody with smaller thighs, with smaller hips. somebody that was nice to look at. out of everybody, why did shōyō choose me?
i'm so caught up in my hate and self doubt i don't hear the door open, i don't see the look of disbelief in hinata's eyes as he looks at me. and i most definitely don't see the way he looks at me like i'm his world.
"you're doing it again," he speaks softly, his hands running across my stomach, pulling me into a hug.
"i'm not enough, shōyō." i don't know i'm crying till he laps up my tears, pulling them away with his fingers.
"you are, i promise you are." he reassures me, tracing his thumbs across my legs. "your legs are so strong, so beautiful. your eyes are there own sea of gorgeous." shōyō says calmly, kissing each part he lists. "your lips are so soft, i never regret kissing them; and when i do i fall in love all over again."
"shō-"
"your cheeks are so soft and squishy, i love to kiss those too. your hair is so pretty, i want to run my fingers through it every time i get the chance. everything about you made me fall in love. from your head to your toes, all the way to the adorable way you crinkle your noes.
i love that when you love something your eyes shine, and you talk about it so much that i even end up falling in love. i love that you always help those in need, going out of your way to make others happy. you're amazing, so wonderfully amazing."
and all of a sudden my tears start flowing again, this time they're not sad. no, they're so happy and so proud that they alone could fill a swimming pool. i pull shōyō close, kissing his soft lips. for a moment, that's all we need, each other. nobody else.
"my kisses hold meaning. never forget how wonderful you are."
•••
you're amazing just the way you are, trust me, i'm an expert.
