n. a recurring thought that only seems to strike you late at night-an overdue task, a nagging guilt, a looming and shapeless future-that circles high overhead during the day, that pecks at the back of your mind while you try to sleep, that you can s...
i will never understand why you held me if you were afraid of warmth - rupi kaur
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i had never thought soulmates were real. never thought that the whole 'this is the one person you will love most in life, and they're tied to you with an emotional bond,' thing was really true.
not until i woke up with cute little drawings scribbled all over my arms and legs. the drawings ranged from cute, small little flowers to an enormous dragon that i had found stretched across my forearm.
that was when i started believing in soulmates.
i had found the drawings scribbled across my body becoming more common, less on weekends and more or less every day. some days his cute drawings would come with a pickup line or two, which i would always pretend not to notice.
eventually i learned to not feel so upset about the drawings, and sooner rather then later began to draw on myself too. i would hide pickup lines where he would never be able to see, but every now and again his responses to the pickup lines would pop up, and they often made me laugh.
it was one late night that i finally had enough. i was tired of rubbing unintelligible ink off of my body everyday, and not just that but i was slowly falling in love with somebody i barely knew, and i was having enough of it. so i wrote my number on my fore arm. i almost immediately regretted it. what if they didn't call? didn't text? what if they just left the number alone.
but even worse, what if they did call. what would i do? pick up the phone? what would i say? i was so awkward and even though i had stepped out of my comfort zone to get him back, how far out would i need to step to answer the call?
it wasn't even a minute later that my phone started ringing. anxiously i answered the call, and the voice on the other end answered almost instantaneously.
"hello!" they eagerly responded, and i almost lost my mind at how loud he was, that was the reason- totally. it wasn't because his voice was so husky and dear god it was so hot.
"hi," i relayed, almost limp to his energetic answer.
"well someone doesn't feel as bold anymore?" he instantly jokes, and my cheeks turn red at the tease.
"id like to see you answer the phone to a number you don't know." i respond, almost angry. i was getting so worked up over nothing?
"i called a number i didn't even know," he chuckles out, and i'm hooked. he sounds so proud, so sexy. "you could've been an old man for all i know."
and i'm laughing. it's quiet and almost unheard but i can hear the triumphant "hmph," on the other line and i know he's heard it.
"aren't you glad i wasn't." i rely, phrasing the comment as more of a statement then a lousy attempt to tease him back.
"i guess i'm pretty glad, but who knows, maybe when i see you i'll prefer an old man." and we're both laughing. it's not perfect, it doesn't have to be. it's a friendship, and hopefully one day, it's something more.
