n. a recurring thought that only seems to strike you late at night-an overdue task, a nagging guilt, a looming and shapeless future-that circles high overhead during the day, that pecks at the back of your mind while you try to sleep, that you can s...
there will be days like these. days that feel pointless and nights that seem unending. - miles carter
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it's late, so ungodly late. my room is dark, and some what cold. but i'm hooked, i'm hooked on whatever type of feeling i'm feeling, bur dear god i'm hooked.
no matter how alone i feel he's always a call away. always there when i need somebody to depend on, and dear lord do i really love that. i love that no matter how far he is, no matter how late or early it is, he's there.
i'm so lucky to be here, to be anywhere on this earth with him. his love is like a nicotine and im hooked. im hooked so deep and im certain i never want to leave. i stay, not because i have to, but because he makes me want to.
his loves is warm, so incredibly warm. i didn't know that i had missed his touch till he showed up on my doorstep, flowers in his hand.
his owl like eyes, his perfect black and white hair. and all i can think of when i see him is how much i missed him. i don't think about how long he's been gone, what or who he could've been doing. because i trust him. i trust him so much it hurts.
and when he pulls me into a hug i cry. i cry so hard that i cant feel my eyes. i sob, i sob so hard, and i want to scream and cry. i love him so much, dear god do i love him. i spent days and nights searching for signs of him. i couldn't look at coffee or a volleyball without thinking of him, and no matter how much it hurt me- i would never stop looking for him.
so when he showed up on my doorstep, when he smiled at me with those beautiful dimples i fell even deeper in love. he was my nicotine and i had finally got my fill.
"i missed you, koutarou. i missed you so damn much." i almost cry into his shirt, feeling nothing but pain and love, pure unfiltered love.
"i missed you too," he whispers in my ear, and even if he's weird, almost crazy, he's still perfect. so so perfect.
"i'm hooked, i'm hooked on everything you are. i'm so glad you're back, so so glad." and in that moment, everything i say is honesty. it's truth in its own purity and it's perfect.
"i love you, so so much." and he kisses my forehead, and it feels like angels have brought me a love i didn't know i could have. he eventually finds my lips and i cherish every moment like its our last.
i haven't said it enough, i haven't felt it enough. i love him, i love him so much. he's beauty and grace and everything i crave. i'm hooked, but i'm not going to complain.
