the inevitable

*nineteen

it was gone in a snap
the sheer force, taking me back
i can barely feel my fingertips
there's nothing but space here
feeling everything all at once
then feeling nothing at all
i try to unearth the words
piles and piles of dirt slide through my fingers
my hands caked in filth
the resonating sound of silence
has no choice but to fill the air
it's empty here
they walk past me like a blur;
i am unable to follow.
the string around my joints tug harder.
my legs,
moving without effort,
without thought.
i maneuver my way through the rigid crowd, they're still to my touch.
i can only hear my own thoughts,
only see what my eyes see
He's not here anymore
my words scatter around me
question upon question
piling up at my feet
i am unable to remember
the feeling of anticipation
where did i go?
i've lost myself again
where will i be?
my eyes won't let me look.
my lips held together with paper and glue
your mouth is moving but your words are gone
what are you saying?
i don't hear you.
who's hands articulate my strings?
why am I unable to look up?
the sky used to be so easily loved
all i see now is a dark abyss,
the absence of stars,
and everything in between.