the inevitable

*fifty-eight

maybe before that
i still see you laughing right next to me
your freckles dot your sunny cheeks
it was before him
before we moved away
i thought maybe just wait a while
just like the others
but your static grew louder
suddenly it wasn't transparent
i only hear of you through whispers now
i mourn you while you wake up in the morning
go about your day
i mourn you when you're at house again
maybe you spare a second
and think about me
think about the bus rides, and pools,
hallways, and backpacks
stupid jokes, and awkward fights
maybe you think about me
because i know i think about you
your mind might be muddled with all this hurt
and maybe i can think about me and you,
for the both of us.
i miss you.
i wish there was a more poetic way to articulate
the pain i feel to know that
those memories are just that.
bus rides from years ago.
you cut your hair
you'll never see this
but i'll know
you'll never think about us
but i will.
i mourn you and who i was with you
maybe this is the final goodbye