To See The Stars

Chapter Seven: Jax

Today's group feels different. Like something is off. It's like when you get punched, and you black out for a second, but when you come back you're light headed. It feels like you are a ghost in your own damn body. But then again, maybe it's me who is off. I try my best to focus on the group.

"I like... just got filled with this rage. Like they can be total bitches, but like... like not like that, you know? It was such a bitchy thing to do.", Julie throws her hands into her lap, and just looks frustrated. Like she can't fathom why somebody like that would turn on her. I wonder if she even notices that she acts just like that with everyone else.

"Do you think there was a reason for why they were acting like that.", Noah asks. Noah knows what's up. Julie furrows her perfectly shaped brows. I stifle a laugh. It takes her a long damn minute.

"Maybe it was something I said?"

"Why do you think that is?", Noah leans forward in his seat. Hands folded out in front of him.

"Like I thought it was pretty funny at the time, but I told the two of them, that they were just pathetic lackeys."

Jack looks down and shakes his head in disbelief. Brian scoffs. And by the look in Noah's eyes, he died a little on the inside.

"Do you think that what you said might have hurt their feelings or upset them in anyway?" Noah's walking a very thin line. If he's not careful, Julie will utterly destroy herself. But then Noah gives her the "I care about you and you can trust me" look. And Julie falls for the trap. Gotta love Noah.

"I've never really thought much about people's feelings. I always just figured everyone worships me. Making fun of people is what I do.", Julie tries not to show it, but she's clearly reeling. The idea that people might not like her after she destroys them with insults is clearly a new concept to her.

"Everyone has feelings, and sometimes we can take it too far without realizing it. I think in your case, hurting people's feelings has become such a constant that you don't notice the pain you are causing others. I suggest that when you go home tonight, you start to take notice of any negative comments about others that you say or think. And when we regroup next week, you can share your findings with us.", Noah sits back up in his chair.

Julie doesn't even say anything, she just nods. She looks shaken. But she plasters on a sneer and tries to look menacing. It's not really working.

"Jax, you've been pretty quiet this group." Shit. He knows. "Is there anything on your mind that you'd like to discuss?"

How does Noah do that? My instant thought is to just say no, but it's Noah, so I let out a sigh, and give in.

"You remember Toby, right?" Noah nods, so I continue. "Toby's dad is dying. And, he's dying fast. I can't even think straight. Mr. Phillips, treated me like a son. Whenever I got into a stupid fight, he'd always just give me this... disappointed look and say 'Fighting should not settle agruments, or cause reckless harm. Fighting for the sake of fighting isn't anything to be proud of. Fighting to protect someone, or something you care about, now that is something to be proud of.' He was always pushing me to be better. I loved him like a father. And now he's going to die." I pause and regroup, before I continue, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. How am I supposed to help Toby, when I feel just like him?" I let out a sigh, and run a hand through my hair.

"Losing someone is hard, no matter who it is. And I think that you should spend some time with Mr. Philips before he dies. Being with Toby, and showing him you care, should be more than enough. But understand, that grieving comes in many forms. Toby might not want to talk to anyone, he might isolate, or lash out. Be cautious when approaching the subject." ,Noah is especially gentle with his words now, that I can tell he cares.

I make a mental plan to go visit Mr. Phillips with Toby at the hospital. I give a Noah a quick nod that says, yeah man, I get ya. I guess I'm going to be hanging out with Toby more often now.