To See The Stars

Chapter Nine: Julie

I'm not even out of group yet before I reach 20 mean thoughts. And by the time I get home, and I'm walking up to our big wood door, I'm at 47. I'm not sure exactly what "mean" qualifies as. As mom used to say, "Asserting your power, is not something to say sorry for, or be sorry for. Perfection is important, and should be highly valued in that brain of yours."

Mother has always pushed me towards perfection. Image is everything. And she's never shown me any reason not to believe that. I once scraped my knee playing at the park when I was little and mother threw a fit. Screaming at me for being so stupid as to have marked myself. She made me cover it up until it was healed so no one would see my "flaw".

That bitch is so controlling. And if I wasn't in my most perfect condition, all hell broke loose. When I was 6, mother signed me up for dance, specifically Ballet. And while I was definitely not the best dancer, I had fun. Until show day came. And mother didn't like what she saw. Apparently she thought that at 6 I would be a perfect distinguished dancer. And when I wasn't, she made me one. 3 hours a day, practicing always, and destroying any joy I once had for dance just to satisfy her incessant need to be the best.

Throughout my life, a well of anger has sat at the tip of my throat. So I've always like found pleasure in being a "Bitch", I guess. People love to gossip, start drama, and make fun of others. And I'm no exception. Although, I guess, I never thought it would get to this point. I never actually thought that my bitchy ways would make Skylar and Rachel start to hate me. I mean, I'm fucking perfect. Those bitches have no idea what they are doing! I'm the only thing good in their pathetic lives.

I'm not the one who is the bitch. Noah was wrong about that. Everyone else is a bitch, not me. Not me. Not me. I am perfect. There is in no way anything wrong with me.