To See The Stars

Chapter Sixteen: Jax

Toby's been struggling to keep up with life more and more, so I started helping out here and there when I can. Household chores, school work, and things like that. Toby has always been pretty bad at school. His mom died giving birth to Toby, so Mr. Philips had to raise Toby alone, as a single dad. No matter how busy Mr. Philips was, he always came to Toby's games, and made time for him. Mr. Philips came to all of my games for that matter too.

My family doesn't hate me or anything(as far as I know), but they certainly don't make time for me, or come to any of my shows/games/school meetings. They are often too busy. But Mr. Philips did. He came to all my soccer games, all my parent-teacher conferences when my family couldn't, and was the one who came to pick me up from the school/bail me out when I got in trouble. When I was in the hospital cause I got into a pretty bad fight, protecting Toby, Mr. Philips was there. He visited me all the time, made sure I was okay, and was the one who took me, which was more than my family did.

He used to joke and say, that he had two sons. He's the best influence I have in my life.

Toby's used to me being at his house, and just showing up and letting myself in. So lately I've been sleeping at his house, not wanting to go home. I sit watching Toby work on his homework as I spin around in circles in his desk chair.

"Yo, Toby."

Toby doesn't look up from his work, but merely raises his head a little higher. "Yeah?"

"Do you remember when we stole your dad's car?" Toby glances up at me before looking up at the ceiling trying to remember.

"Sorta I guess," He rubs the back of his neck.

"We were in 6th or 7th grade, I think, and we wanted to impress these two 8th grade girls-."

Toby interrupts me, "It was 6th grade, I remember because one of the 8th grade girls we called "Tit Tina" until she graduated, which was 6th grade."

"Right," I chuckle, "Tit Tina, and...Jessica?"

Toby shakes his head in disbelief. "No, you dumb bastard. It was Tit Tina and Missy. Jessica was the chick we ditched that one time."

I fold my arms over my chest, "Well fine, if you remember it so well then why don't you tell the story."

Toby thinks for a second before putting down his pencil. "Fine, I will. It was 6th grade, and we had finally worked up the courage to ask them out. And they accepted cause duh, I mean who wouldn't want to date the two of us." He pauses for a second, trying to remember what happened.

I pitch in, "We wanted to impress them so w-."

Toby cuts me off. "I'm telling the story. Anyway we wanted to impress them so we decided that we would steal my dad's car, and pick them up. And it was all going great, we got the keys, got in the car, started it. But your dumbass didn't know how to drive."

I chime in, "To be fair, neither did you."

"And to be fair, you're a dumbass still," he laughs. "So when you put the car into reverse to back out of the driveway, you gracefully drove the car straight into a stop sign."

Mmmm yep, I remember that. "Your dad came running out of the house, eyes suddenly full of worry. He kept asking if we were hurt, and how dangerous it was, and how he's just thankful that we are okay." Toby nods remembering the moment.

"Yeah, the stop sign is still bent too."

"Really?"

Toby nods his head, and we laugh at our stupidity. But my laughter trails off, and soon I'm looking away. My heart suddenly breaking apart, and growing heavy.

"What's going on in that big head of yours?" Toby asks softly, his voice brimming with concern.

"I'm- I'm fine," I don't raise my head to look up at him, I keep it pointed towards the desk, away from him. I hide deeper within my head. I hide away.

"Come on, Jax."

"I said I'm fine!"

"Jax, I've known you long enough to call bullshit on that," I can feel Toby's worried eyes on me.

"Shut up! Can't you see that I'm trying to keep it together?" Tears are starting to form and pressure builds.

"Jax, Look at me. Look at me," I manage to bring myself to look at Toby. His expression is serious, honest. When he knows I'm looking at him he continues, "You don't have to be strong. You do not have to keep it together."

I shake my head. "But I can't be weak, I can't fall apart! I need to- I need to-"

Toby cuts me off, "You need to let me in, let me take care of you." Toby inches closer to me. He reaches his hands towards my shaky ones before his warm hands wrap around mine. My body automatically starts to relax by his mere touch. I try desperately to hold back, nearly strangling my self control into complying but I'm only strangling myself. I fall apart.

I lean my forehead onto his shoulder, closing my eyes and just melting into his comfort. "I'm sorry I'm like this. I shouldn't be feeling like this." I say to him in barely a whisper.

Toby leans his head against mine and whispers back, "You don't have to apologize to me. I like you the way you are, and sometimes it's okay to show that shittiness you're feeling."