What I Think About Love

Body Of Hers

Portland. He took me to Portland on a date. It was late when we got there but I guess he knows what he's doing.

"I have a place here in Portland. We are going to stay overnight. I want to take you somewhere and it will last until late hours so I called your dad and said that I'm gonna take care of you." -Mason said gently taking my hand.

He was 19 so he could have a place all for himself. I was a little jealous because I wanted to have my "getaway" place somewhere.

"I don't know what to say." -I felt like I had alexithymia in this moment.

"Don't say anything just be here." -Mason responded. I didn't mind his corny pickup lines anymore. They feel kinda right.

We walked around the town and he was giving me a private tour. It was hot. He was smart and I loved listening to him speaking and knowing all this informations.

"Where are we going exactly?" -I asked after a while.

"You'll see."

We went to a club. He said he wanted to fix the first time we were out. Little did he know I don't like going to such places but I guess it was cute he tried to make it up to me.
We danced and drank and actually had a great time. It was getting pretty late and the sun was rising outside and I didn't have any strength left in me. He pulled me in his arms, kissed me passionately and whispered if I want to go to his apartment now.

"I'd like that. I'm more than tired."- I said.

We walked to his apartment since we left the car there. He held my hand the whole time and despite the sweat on our palms he didn't let go. We arrived and stood in front of the door as he was unlocking the apartment. We came inside and he pressed me on himself. Our kisses became deeper and I felt his heart beating faster. He was clutching my waist and in one moment he pushed me on the bed. I didn't like the way how he became harsh but I didn't wanna stop either. He came on top of me and started kissing my neck. After he practically raped my neck he continued going lower.

"Stay on my neck." -I said gently pulling his head up.

He ignored what I said and went back to my breasts. He squeezed my thighs and that hurt me.

"Stop it, that hurts I will have bruises." -I said in a painful voice but he continued to ignore my warnings.

"I said stop!" -I yelled and pulled away from him.

"What's wrong Rose?" -he asked getting closer to my neck kissing it more. I pushed him away and got out of the bed.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry Rose. I thought you were. It doesn't matter. I'm so sorry please forgive me." -he had an apprehensive face expression.

"It's okay just don't do it again. Ever." -I said with a threatening voice.

"I'll sleep on the couch. Goodnight." -I couldn't sleep with him in the same bed after that.

"No. I'll go on the couch and you'll sleep on the bed." -he said taking a spare blanket that was on the bed.

"Goodnight Rose."- he came closer and gave me a kiss on my cheek. I winced as he approached but didn't move. I didn't feel like he was going to do something that could upset me.

The next morning he woke me up when the breakfast was ready. He made some pancakes and a rose was waiting for me on the table. Why does everyone think I love roses so much? I'm grateful for every single one but they hurt me emotionally.

"Good morning Rose. I want to fix what I had done last night. Tell me how can you forgive me. I'd do anything. I feel like a jerk." -he instantly said as I stood up.
"Don't do anything. Let's just forget it. Don't do such things anymore." -I really did want us to forget it.

I know I sound stupid right now but I kinda get why he did that. He's two years older than me and most of the girls he's been with are sexually active and are throwing themselves at him. I'm seventeenth and I'm not ready to sleep with a boy on our second date. Actually nobody should sleep with someone after their second date. Your body is your temple and you should be cherishing it. When a man touches a woman's body, he is not just touching her body. It goes MUCH DEEPER than that for a woman. He is touching parts of her soul as diverse as how she feels about being a grandmother someday, to what is her favourite ice cream, to how much she loves her pet, and to her opinion of how the current president is governing. The man wants a sexual encounter and love is far from his mind. She desires permanence, commitment, safety. and security. Maybe I don't believe in love but I believe that a man should respect the body of hers.

"Rose I know a was a dick towards you, but I really like you and I want to ask you something since our first date. Maybe it's not the right moment since I ruined it, but I can't wait no more. Rose Johnson, will you be my girlfriend?