One Ticket to Fill a Lacuna

Chapter 25 || A Confrontation

Chapter 25-

            Within another half hour, I figure out why we're going back. Its for my mom. My father wants to fix the situation with her.

            "I need your opinion for this. Do you want to help your mother or forget?"

            His question strikes me as shocking. I haven't thought about it at all. "I—I want to help her. Why are we even going right now, though?"

     He removes one of his hands from the wheel and runs it through his stout black hair, pondering. "I want to fix this as soon as possible. It's a decade overdue, after all."

     "What comes after?" I ask. Because Im not sure. I dont know what would come after this. Or where to go next.

     "I dont know. We'll find out, I guess." my father mutters. A light rain drizzles over us as we have crossed into Washington. The trees sway back and forth, dancing. Birds fly overhead. For once, I feel equal to them. I have flown away but now i'm walking, trudging back. There is nothing freeing about this trip. Only final tidbits of grief. I just want to start life again. How can my father be with me again and not want the same thing? Maybe it's selfish but I want him to focus on me like I focus on him.

            "Dad, what will life be like?" I wonder. A sweet grin spreads over his face. His eyes still focus on the road, foggy and raining ahead. Car swerve in and out of our lane viciously but my father stays calm, which I appreciate since I'm anxious with fright.

            “Calm,” he responds. “You won’t be frightful. You can relax, knowing that everything is resolved.”

            I stare out the window and hope to calm my nerves with his hopeful words. Getting closer to Seattle brings back bone-chilling memories. I remember the last thing my mother said to me. She called me the wrong name. Bitterness coats my tongue. And I dont want to fix things. She should see what can come out of not paying attention to your own family, trying to forget everything. She needs to know that it isnt the solution. But, then again, I didnt come to that realization until recently. She hasnt learned at all.

     The big green road signs pass with haste, indicating that the miles left to Seattle are dwindling. Fifty miles. Thirty five. Twenty. I watch the trees get greener and the weather worsen as we near our destination and I know there isnt much further to travel. When you live in one city your whole life, you tend to remember even the most miniscule of its characteristics.

     "Do you remember how to get to the apartment?" I ask my father. He has been silent for too long. Concentrating. I dont know if I want to find out what he's thinking so hard about.

     "I would never forget." He mumbles, his tone at ease.

     "Even after twelve years?"

     "I've been here even after your mother kicked me out. To visit. Make sure you're okay. Of course, I could never go inside for fear of police and your mother, but, just being here always made me feel comforted."

     My heart feels warm and fuzzy. He visited.

     The car starts up the hill going up to my mother's apartment. I wont consider it my own any longer. It's one thing worth forgetting.

     My father lets out an agitated breath as we pull into the parking lot in front of the building. My hands shake. My fingertips tremble. My heart skips.

     "Ready?" My dad asks.

     "Maybe," I say unsurely. Even my words are frightened.

"We'll be fine." He assures, rubbing the top of my hand with his thumb. He moves it in a circular motion,     calming me down before my nerves spike again.