Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick's Draw

Rodrick's Diversion

June 6th, 2019 17:59, Rodrick's secret hideout (the Walmart carpark in Springfield, Simpson's Land)

Roderick and his gang of losers/Loded Diaper band members met for their meeting about how'd they defeat Greg Gang. Roderick's gang was comprised of Patrick 'SJW' Farell and the meanest Mario character of all: Shadow the Edgehog ™. 

"So how will we destroy your twat of a brother?" Said Patrick, in a questioning tone. Rodrick replied in an ominous voice "one word: nudes." "NONCE." Cried Ronald McDonald (one the of Loded Diaper band members). "IDC!" Said Rodrick furiously. 

Rodrick then grabbed Ronald's throat with veiny cut hands; the light slowly left his purple eyes, his body became limp, his neck redder than his hair, all done in 2 seconds. Instant death. This wasn't Roderick's first kill, he had killed Rowley's mum and was the one who shipped Manny to Chernobyl. Roderick was a monster. 

"So why do you actually want Greg dead?" Asked Patrick, puzzlingly. "Because he has something that I don't; my uterus! You see Patrick, I like you were once female-" Rodrick was cut off as Patrick had another spasm of anger causing them to destroy the Walmart; exposing their location. Luckily for them, however, nobody cared about them lol; so they continued talking. Rodrick continued in a darker tone (which was also in a British accent because all British people are evil now innit?) "As I was saying until I was rudely interrupted by such Untermensch, I was born female. I was Chlamydia Sasha Heffley, named after my meemaw. That was until his birth. It was on 18th June 2001 that the worst day of my life happened. Whilst my dimwitted mother gave birth to my cunt of a brother, he lept out of my mum's pussy at 420mph and shot at me with a critical hit right into my cat. This destroyed sexual organs apart from my uterus which Greg absorbed, making him slightly female! The force also made me grow a one-inch wonder somehow..." "ARE YOU SAYING THAT ONLY GIRLS CAN HAVE UTERUSES???" Said Patrick at 100% triggered. "Silence freak of nature!" Demanded Rodrick, his eyes pierced through Patrick's eyes, they knew Rodrick was no one to mess with.

"We shall ambush Greg at my crib, that is where he'll be going. There we trap him and his freak friends and his uterus is mine again; with Chlamydia Sasha Heffley reborn; I'll be in my true form for the first time in 18 years.."

Will Greg survive Rodrick's attack? Probs Nah fam TBH"

Hasta la Proxima!