Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick's Draw

Home Advancement

June 7, 2019, 23:40: Kim's Estate, North Korea

After running and running for ages, Greg Gang were nearly home. But first, they had to stock up on food and shit because Rowley the fat fuck, was still hungry after eating a 32-inch pizza just ten fucking minutes ago. "FFS Rowley, why do you have to eat so much all the time? What are you pregnant?" Said Greg, angrily. "Actually Greg, you're the pregnant one in our crew." Said Rowley, slowly. Greg was shook AF.  He stood in the same spot not talking for 4 hours. Motionless. He was a heshe.

Meanwhile, Chirag was in Kim K's basement and found one of the worst things he had ever seen. It was the nudes of DJ Khaled; at that moment he went to grab the bleach until he saw a videotape which said "Albert White: My Transformation". Chirag slipped that shit into the cassette player. The video started. It was this butters white guy sitting with a make-up crew. They were painting his face brown Chirag looked closer to the TV screen, at that moment his mouth opened wider than your mum's pussy after she gets gangbanged by your neighbours 2 hours before you get home from anything. Just kidding or am I??? Back to the picture: Chirag realised that Albert White was actually Kanye West! It turned out that for years (video said 09.11.79 on the side of the video) Kanye West was actually doing blackface the whole time. He isn't black he's... he's... I can't say... He's RACIST!!! HE'S NOT ACTUALLY BLACK AND JUST THINK OF THE NUMBER OF TIMES HE'S SAID THE N-WORD!!! Chirag was furious, he was enraged. He was so angry that he went fucking super saiyan and he destroyed the whole estate it was just a fucking crater which was the size of the average TESCO Extra. 

Note: for all you people born after  2005, videos are basically BTEC DVDs; remember those? 

Kim then said to Chirag, "guess ya'll found the video. That's right he's a racist. His parents were part of the KKK. The only reason why he dresses and acts black is to ruin the black community's name and increase racism in the USA and it's working which has got me shook AF!" Greg then got out of his funk and looked behind him, the estate was a crater. "Shit, Holly must have bombed the estate; the terrorist Buddist cunt!" 

However, Holly was beating the shit out Rowley for saying that her Ragu tasted like AIDS. "It's not my fault I have AIDS! My step-dad just said he had neuro-deficiency problems you fucking orphan!" OOF Rowley just got roasted there didn't he?

"Ok, got my silicon darts, weed flavoured vape pen, phone charger, magnetic dildo, North's adoption papers, and my Vietnamese child slave as my servant, we can go now." Said Kim yet again in her plastic tone. "Please give me food, I haven't eaten in years. I'm so hungry that I don't even have a waist anymore. Like seriously, my abdomen doesn't even exist; I'm just a pair of legs and a floating torso hold up by psychokinesis!" Said Kim's child slave weakly."You talk when you are spoken to *Kim superkicks her slave in torso causing possible internal bleeding* you fucking g***."

"Bitch Kim's racist too! Da fuck!" Said Greg sassily. "The fuck you know about this shit? N***** you weren't even there!" Said Chirag angrily. "For the last fucking time you can't say the N-word Chirag, you're not black. If you say it fucking again I will turn your fucking ass into a crackpipe you fucking stupid ass sket! *falcon punches into Chirag's face* Said Holly in a furious tone!

The wrath of Holly's anger caused Chirag to cry 23 million gallons of water, causing the whole of North Korea to be submerged in saltwater, which killed pretty much the whole population of North Korea, making South Korea an island. Chirag was then awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and approx 1 billion South Korean Won for destroying Kim Jong Un's reign in 5 seconds flat (if he had worn his AirPods™ he wouldn't have died the cheap cunt).

Anyway, Greg Gang then ran a couple of extra miles to reach Greg's Crib. They ran through the wheatfields where Theresa May frolicked during her youth, over Mount Everest, through Far Far Away, then New New York City and lastly, they had to jump over the Grand Canyon (all in just one leap). Finally, Greg could see his crib; he was nearly home. Until... BOOM! An atom bomb went off, barely hitting Holly. But unfortunately, Rowley survived. The blast radius was 420 miles, millions of people died; Roderick was responsible for this.

"Rodrick." Said Greg, in an annoyed tone. "He wants a fight, a fight of the century. Savage vs evil, we must defeat him or he'll turn everyone into the worst brand of people to exist. People who like the Pauls (refers to Paul Brothers, Logan, and Jake)." "The sick bastard!" Said Rowley, enraged. "Let's kill the cunt and use his head as a fleshlight!" Said Holly, in an enthusiastic tone. 

"Hey Greg, come and play with us or I'm killing mum and dad, just like I did to Rowley's whore of a mum." Said Roderick who standing next to the door, cigarette in the mouth (because cancer is cool).

The battle is about to begin, Roderick with Patrick, Loded Diaper and Shadow. Greg with Rowley (who is basically a useless member of the team but at least he tries), Holly "Pills" Hills, Chirag and famous wrestler Kim K🍑. The fight starts in 5, 3, 2, 7, 1! Go!

Meanwhile in Emoville...

"Where's Shadow? We were supposed to be beating up orphans for bants two hours ago," said Edge Lord Leon (ELL). "By my coordinates, he is currently in Plainview, near Greg's Crib. You know him ELL, he's the kid who couldn't be bothered to come to your sick party?" Said the unknown character. "It's chill, it's not like I make fanfiction like some loser I know." OOF

"Anyways, we gotta get Shadow and defeat Rodick once and for all, as, without Shadow, we'll never be able to implement the metric system in the US." Said the Unknown character in a serious tone. "I'm only doing this to honour my Nazi ancestors, because, like most Nazis, I hate juice. SIEG HEIL! SIEG HEIL! SIEG!" Chanted ELL. "STFU, ELL! Nobody cares TBH. We advance at noon." Said the unknown character.