Shades of the heart

~49~

My words mean nothing anymore.
I cannot write. I cannot speak.
When I do, I am never noticed.
I wish I wasn't so alone,
I wish I didn't feel the way I do.

I wish I didn't fall apart, put myself back together and continue.
I wish there were someone I could talk to,
Not even my psychologist is helping.

Let's put it simply, Because at this point this isn't a poem. We all know it isn't, It's my cry. My last attempt to be heard, Even though you don't know my real name, Even if you don't really care. My legs are cement and I can't move anymore, I'm in a pool with the waves on, And I'm fed up of swimming against them.I'm a lost adventurer, and my mind is a cave.

Describe it how you like, None of it is right. Everyone talks about demons in your head, And it's not like I don't have one, But it's not just one I have. I have millions. They pick and they pick, until all that's left of me is a medicated, insecure, drowsy mess.

I've smiled and I've smiled, and I've tried to be nice, and loving. And then I stopped caring. I offended so many people because I didn't care about their opinions if they didn't know me, but I hurt people close to me. That's not okay. That's not what I wanted to do.

I no longer belong anywhere- I'm hanging on by fingernails bitten down to the quick to a group that no longer needs me, they no longer care where I am or what I'm doing. I'm fine with that.

I've been falling apart slowly for the past few years- this account is my proof. I created Melancholy_Poetry so that I had a voice- one that wasn't connected to me.
With it, I expressed the things that no one would have noticed.

I can't breathe. I'm suffocating in myself, because I know I'm not who I want to be and it hurts.

SOMEONE FUCKING HELP ME.
I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE.
I WISH I WERE DEAD.

-This isn't what I was going to write. I exploded. I'm hurting. I can't write well when I'm hurting.

-Mel🖤