You wanted cremated but they didn't listen.
They didn't dig you a grave, they dug a goddamn fire pit,
Six feet deep and waiting to be filled with the sacrifice of your life,
the sacrifice of your time stood upon this ungodly world.
The life you took away.
Waiting to scorch you until you're nothing but bones in the ground,
No name, none of your former glory.
A wingless shadow of the angel you were,
A shard of a cracked mirror, a reflection of every scar marked teen,
Watery eyes and a broken smile.
The past doesn't define us, but it acts as a chink in our armour,
A fleeting moment I'll forever chase, where they look like you.
The truth is, my darling, you have haunted me for too long.
These years of pain have nowhere to go but the bags under my eyes,
My bed sits alone most nights,
As I desperately draw the fading memory of your face by the light of the moon.
I've closed the curtains and covered the spaces where air could get in,
Thinking, if you're dead, I should be too.
I've treated myself as though I caused your death.
As though I were, in some way, at fault.
As though I were somehow dimming your light with all my selfishness that I never saw the darkness consuming you,
But you welcomed the coiling black with open arms, waiting for it to seep into every crevice and eat you alive.
You decided on what you were going to do.
You took those pills.
You killed yourself.
It's time I came to terms with the fact that nothing I could have done would have stopped you.
No "what if's", because it's all in the past.
And yes, you will continue to be my most common breakdown,
My loudest sob, my most sensitive moment,
But I will no longer hate myself for you.
I will not break, not from the weight of you.
I never did before, and I will not now.
I will live and love for us both, my dear.
And as I close the coffin, somehow you're still flawless in death.
-dearly beloved, take a pew, take a breath, may it ever be your last.
-Mel🖤
(I like to think of this as my character arc. My first step to "getting better")
YOU ARE READING
Shades of the heart
PoesíaThis is my second poem book. The first one started off with really bad poems but got gradually better, but by then people hated my poems and deleted the book from their library, lol. The first book is called shades of the mind.
