THE CHASE - Connor x OC (I Am Sequel)

Chapter 41

Exhausting. Everything is exhausting. I turned to Connor and stared at him. 5 feet apart.

I feel like being 5 feet apart is almost a cliche isn't it? Movies, and books make everything 5 feet apart. People, object, and even near-death experiences. Everything is 5 feet apart. If you're in love with someone, you're kept 5 feet apart. Just tantalizingly close at all times. In fact, expressing your love for one another is always about closing that gap. About getting so close you're constantly touching. Skin on skin, and hand in hand.

This isn't a warming thing to close though. This isn't lovely for us to be 5 feet apart. There isn't an object, or a situation keeping us 5 feet apart. It's just us. We're the only ones keeping ourselves so far apart.

When I came home, Connor was sat at the complete other end of the sofa, just waiting for me. I took my place on the opposite end. We've moved, maximum, an inch closer to one another. Things are cold right now, which is unsurprisingly my fault, but yet, here we are, kind of just having to accept it.

Both of us, sitting here statue-like, with cold-dead eyes unmoving, and unrelenting.

"Okay," Finally he spoke. "The situation lacked control."

"It was out of control-" I began.

"No. It lacked control. There was certainly some control involved, but it lacked the necessary controls," Connor said. I could see on his face that he was pissed off. The way his eyebrows furrowed, and his nose crinkled as he spoke made it obvious.

"Okay."

"No. It's important that you really get it," Connor said, still staring straight ahead. "Not just an okay to move on. An okay to be clear about this."

"That's fair. But I don't understand what you mean."

"The situation. It wasn't out of our control completely. You had the ability to hit the breaks and step in, but you didn't. You had the ability to not do what you did, but you did anyway," Connor explained, wagging his finger as he did so.

"You're right. I shouldn't have-"

"You really shouldn't had," Connor nodded. "And that's it. You shouldn't have."

"I shouldn't have."

"You could have mentioned it to me. You could have. But you kept this stuff hidden away from me, for what? Out of fear I would hate him even more?"

"A little bit, yeah," I shrugged.

"And that's my fault for making you feel like that, but the second he started saying the things that he did, you should've told me. You should've," Connor explained, still not looking at me. His aversion to giving me a glance was starting to stress me out.

"I know. Please look at me, Connor."

"Hold on. You can't just expect to buy me things, and apologize, and think things will just move on. They can't. Things can't just move on that easy."

"But-"

"But I said I love you. That's because I do. Of course I do. I love you, because that's easy. But forgiving you is much, much harder. What you did not only left me feeling like our life is in shambles, but made me feel like a terrible husband."

"You aren't-"

"How else do you expect me to feel when you're sleeping with your coworkers?" Connor asked, finally making eye contact. His eyes met mine suddenly, and I felt a shiver go down my spine.

"I understand."

"Do you?" Connor almost shouted. He immediately apologized. "I'm sorry for yelling. I'm just...frustrated."

"Rightly so."

Connor stared at me, his eyes staying at mine. His arms spread open as if he was waiting for a hug. I crossed the suddenly small 5 foot gap and crawled into the hug. As soon as he let me go, I felt relieved, but I could see on his face he had been dreading this moment.

"I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for you," he explained, looking at me.

"What? We're not sleeping together-"

"It's not that. It doesn't have to be that. It's just...everything. It's so overwhelming. I just need a break from it all," Connor explained. "I need longer than I thought, Charlotte."

"Do you want me to head back to Nick's?" I asked.

"If you wouldn't mind," Connor answered. I went to reach for Nick's sweet German Shepherd who had crawled next to Connor's legs, but Connor stopped me.

"You...you can't take pets in the taxis. I'll keep him for tonight."

Well, that's a damn lie, but I can't very well say no. Connor may have Blueberry too, but I know he loves dogs so much that he clearly must feel a little bit comforted by Kyle's presence. I nervously chuckled and nearly ran out of the apartment. As if it's the new norm, I broke down crying in the hallway yet again.