Comfort

Strength

(1020 words)

  I handed the waiter (whose name I forgot) my phone to put his number in. He was happy about it, which admittedly made me feel bad, being I'm never even going to text him. Grian watched the exchange intently, my plan for his attention suddenly felt achievable. I questioned myself for a second, was I really that hungry, just for his attention? It was too late too change my mind, but if I was a time traveler, I'd go back and see the other outcomes.

The waiter handed me my phone back, grinning, "Thanks."

"How old are you?" Grian interrupted, and if I was not mistaken, he had a tone of concern.

His age didn't occur to me until then, did I just get a minor's number? My eyes went wide with worry.

"I served you alcohol, I must be older than 21, right?" He now asked the questions.

"Do you think I don't do my research? You only have to be 18 to serve alcohol here. How old are you really?" Grian sternly took back the dominance.

The young man felt defeated, "I'm 20." He said lowly.

"23." I stated plainly, relieved he's not a minor.

That was the same age difference between me and Grian—Grian being basically 3 years older. But none of this even matters, I'm not going to text him...

  I must admit, I felt awful to lead him on.  I was being selfish, but he'll forget I exist within the next few days.  At least that's what I told myself.

"Right, I'll get you paid and then I'll be back." The waiter dashed away again.

I looked at the dessert in front of me, the hot fudge brownie melted some of the ice cream already. It didn't ruin the presentation however, it still looked amazing. As I went to grab a bite, Grian pulled it over to his side of the table. He was glaring at me, and took the first bite.

"Hey, share!" I said, "You didn't even want it now to begin with."

"You're a liar. What happened to being straight?" He said with a mouth full of ice cream.

I stared deeply at him, I don't know if this was the wine talking but I can't ignore it anymore. His smell would drive me crazy, his smile made everything feel all dizzy. My deep stare turned more hungry.  I just want you. Every part of you.

  I looked away when a sadness hit, he'd never realize these feelings, and even if he did, would he feel the same?

I pulled the plate back to the middle, "I'm not really sure, okay? I'm as confused as you..." I expressed lightly, grabbing the other spoon and finally getting a bite.

It was embarrassing, feeling this way. I should have my sexuality figured out by now. Of all people to have a crush on, Grian? Really me?

My embarrassment and thoughts were stopped by the sudden sensation on my taste buds. It was better then I imagined, Grian did not give this dessert enough credit.  I closed my eyes and smiled, finally able to shut all the other thoughts out.

I was brought back into reality, "Thank you so much. And hey, text me." The waiter came back with the check and flirted with me again before saying goodbye.

I wore a fake smile towards him, he honestly was creeping me out, popping up randomly all the time.  My smile immediately dropped when he left and I stuffed my face again. Trying to drown this environment out with the sweet taste of hot fudge and soft vanilla.

  He was gone, I never have to see him again, never have to talk to him again, and definitely never have to text him.  Here's a tip, if you ever give someone your number, text yourself with their phone.  That way you also have their number; the waiter did not know this trick.  Thank god, otherwise I'd just block his number.

  Why did I even say yes, I questioned as I stuffed my face.  I awkwardly shared the brownie and ice cream with Grian as if we were together.  My cheeks turned a light shade of pink, and I frowned at the feeling.  Maybe the only way to get rid of this crush entirely, is just to come clean.  I stared at Grian and imagined the scene in my head.

However I don't know how he would react so he just stared blankly at me every time. And I don't think I have the strength to say that. Grian, I like you. My lungs wouldn't have enough air.

I took the last bite of our dessert, I wish I gave it more time because now I'm struggling to make a decision. Should I tell him, or not?

"Alright, you ready?" Grian said, already getting up.

I yawned as I stood up, jet lag was finally catching up to us. I grabbed the wine and Grian took the food, and we were both quickly out of there. Grian stopped once we were outside.

"Don't you want to say bye to your new friend?" Grian asked angrily, not turning around to face me.

He was grumpy whenever he was tired, and it was adorable when he was grumpy.

"Nah, don't think I'm gonna text him." I admitted.

He turned after I said that with curious eyes, "Hmm?" he hummed tiredly.

I didn't want to explain, just wanted him to know, I sought for a distraction. "Are we just going to walk?" I asked looking at our hotel only a few blocks away.

"Yeah, let's go." He said, too tired to care.

I watched as he turned and began to walk, he was stumbling a bit. I drank more wine than him, and I'm guessing that's the reason for my energy. He wasn't drunk, just exhausted and I couldn't just watch him struggle. I pulled him over to a bench and sat down our food and wine.

I faced away from him and squatted down in front of him, "Get on." I said, demanding to give him a piggyback ride.