Preacher's Son (boyxboy)

Chapter 4

It was Saturday the night of my "date" with Ally. I tried to think of a thousand ways to get over it but Dad never let me miss church. If I was sick, he would let me lay in his office but I still had to complete the Bible study on my own. There was no getting out of this. All week I heard all about how excited everyone was about this venture. No one asked me feelings on the matter. But if they did all I felt was nausea and dread.  Although not all the blame could be placed on Ally.
I hadn't talked to Sebastian since the car ride home. I didn't dare glance at him in gym. The only other tutoring session I did, I completely ignored him. He didn't bother to ask any questions or make any comments. I built up walls distancing ourselves from each other. There was no way I was going to let him tear them down again. I couldn't risk letting anyone get through those walls ever again. But my heart continued to ache even though in my mind, I knew it was the right thing to do.
It wasn't part of God's plan for me. I had certain expectations set for me. I needed to go to divinity school, lead the church, find a nice girl to settle down with, and start a family. There was no room for Sebastian or my impure desires.
Which is why I decided to try with Ally. I had to push away those desires to be with a man. I needed to move past them and the only way to do that is with a woman like God intended. But that thought didn't settle well with me. Although, I didn't have a choice. I had to be with a woman. So Ally was going to be my first shot. Maybe I would like it. Maybe I would never think about another man like I should be thinking about women. God, I hoped so.
So I wore a blue button down shirt that brought out the blue in my eyes. I wore a nicer pair of jeans. I sprayed cologne on myself. I made sure my hair looked like nice and neat. I constantly went over different topics of conversation. I was ready for this "date" of sorts.
"Liam, we are ready to leave," Mom called out from downstairs. I felt like I was going to throw up but I went downstairs anyways. Gracey gave me a knowing look. I looked away, embarrassed. Dad and Mom didn't seem to notice my dressier appearance so we made our way out to the van.
Our church was on the outskirts of town. It was small, only able to hold about sixty people in the sanctuary with only three rooms and a basement in total. For a Saturday night bible study, there were only twenty people who showed up. There were only six in the youth group so we were in the basement and the others were in the sanctuary. Our youth group was led by our twenty-six year old cousin, Lucas. He wasn't nearly as strict as my father was so I was able to relax a little more around him.
"Hey gang," Lucas said as we came downstairs. We all said hi. Lucas had tried to make the basement "hip" for the youth group. There were two really old, dingy floral couches and beanbag chairs. There was a small TV that was even older than the one we had at home and a radio that was always on the local Christian radio station. There was a bookcase that housed various books targeted at the typical Christian teen and board games. My favorite title on the shelf had to be When the Devil Tries to Invade Your Private Places.
"Is this everybody for tonight?" Lucas asked. It was Gracey, Daniel, and I.
"Sarah and her friend, Ally are also coming. They should be here any minute," Gracey said.
"Cool beans, I'm excited to have a new guest tonight," Lucas said, clapping his hands together.
"Hey, man. We'll create a distraction so that you and Ally can have some alone time tonight," Daniel whispered as Lucas went back to reviewing his notes for tonight.
"Thanks man," I said, swallowing hard. I didn't have too long to ponder what alone time meant because Sarah and Ally came downstairs. Ally was wearing a blue dress with a cardigan. I was thankful that she looked appropriate for church or we would have never heard the end of it from Dad.
"Ally this is Liam, Liam this is Ally," Sarah said, excitedly. My stomach churned. I reached out my hand and shook hers, feeling oddly formal.
"Hey," I said
"Hi," Ally said, blushing.
"How are you doing?" I asked, awkwardly. I, then, realized everyone in the room was staring at us, listening in.
"I'm great, how are you?" Ally asked.
"Uh, I'm good," I said, feeling uneasy. We continued to make awkward small talk while everyone listened in until Lucas decided to put me out of my misery.
"Alright, we are going to discuss guilt tonight. Let's turn to Psalm 53:3," Lucas announced. Guilt, I had been feeling lots of that lately.
"Uh, Liam I didn't bring a bible," Ally whispered to me.
"Oh, uh," I started to tell her to look off Sarah's or Gracey's but I knew it would look better for a relationship standpoint if she looked off mine. "You can look at mine," i started flipping to the verse as she scooter close to me. I felt uncomfortable with how close she was. I could feel my hands start to sweat. I didn't even know my hands could do that. I tried to focus on what Lucas was saying but his words didn't make me feel any better. We had moved on to Ephesians.
"We need to get rid of our sins that bring the feelings of guilt and move towards the holy path that God has set forth for us," Lucas preached.
I couldn't help but think of Sebastian. How much I wanted to kiss him and be with him. Immediately I felt overwhelming guilt and shame.
I had to date Ally. I couldn't let myself keep having this thoughts about a man. It was wrong. This was just a temptation hellbent on having me stray down the wrong path. I would use Ally to get back on the right path. So after prayer, I walked Ally to Sarah's car. Sarah held back to give us privacy.
"Thank you for letting me come tonight," Ally said.
"Yeah, sorry it was kind of heavy stuff," I apologized. Ally laughed. It had a musical note to it.
"Liam, you know Catholics live in a permanent state of guilt, right?" She joked. I smiled at her. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes. I started feeling nervous again. We were completely alone. There was tension in the air. She started to lean in. Oh, God this was happening. What was I supposed to do? I felt her lips meet mine. I felt nothing but nausea. Was this how it was supposed to feel? There was nothing romantic about this kiss. This was my first kiss and it felt...horrible. Wasn't it supposed to be better than this?
I felt her lips move against mine. Do something, Liam or else she will think there is something wrong with you. I started moving my lips against hers, hoping that would stimulate something inside me. But nothing happened.
Ally pulled away, sounding out of breath. She had a big smile on her face. I forced myself to smile.
"That was amazing," she said, breathlessly.
"Yeah," I lied, trying to get my voice to match Ally's. I heard Sarah and Daniel's voices grow louder.
"It was nice seeing you tonight, Liam, maybe we could see each other next week?" Ally said.
"Uh, yeah that would be great," I lied.
"Hey, guys, did we interrupt anything?" Sarah asked, wagging her eyebrows. I wanted to die from embarrassment.
"Oh, Sarah stop it," Ally giggled.
"Yes, Sarah stop it," I said through my teeth. Sarah rolled her eyes.
"I'm going to go baby, I need to get all the deets from Ally," Sarah said, kissing Daniel on the cheek. Ally and I said an awkward goodbye and then it was just Daniel and I.
"So how was the kiss?" Daniel asked as they drove away. I was taken aback.
"It was fine, I guess," I said, not knowing what to say. I couldn't tell the truth. It wasn't good and it wasn't something I never wanted to do again.
"Just fine?" Daniel asked, raising an eyebrow. Oh, shoot. Did I just blow my cover? How was I supposed to describe it?
"I mean it was a lot better than fine," I said, frantically looking for words. "I just wish it was more than just a kiss,". Liam, what are you saying? Just stop talking. You're making it worse. Daniel laughed.
"I hear that," he agreed. I let out a small sigh of relief.
"Well, I should go back inside and see if my dad needs anything," I said, trying to avoid talking anymore about Ally.
"Alright, man, I'll see ya tomorrow," Daniel said. As I walked back in the church, I passed Daniel's parents leaving. I gave them a polite smile and wave.
It was just my family in the sanctuary when I went back in. Gracey was laying on a pew while Mom was writing notes in her journal. Dad was standing behind the podium, reading the Bible. I went over to Gracey and laid down on the other half of the pew.
"So how did it go?" Gracey whispered.
"Good," I lied. She smiled.
"Good, I'm happy for you," she whispered. I just nodded and closed my eyes, willing to be anywhere but here. After a few minutes, I got up.
"Hey, Ma, I'll be in Dad's office for prayer," I said, forcing myself to look her in the eyes.
"Sure thing, sweetie," Mom said, warmly. I gave her a half smile before heading out the sanctuary and to Dad's office.
His office was dimly lit. The walls were an olive green color. His bookshelves were full of literature from various Christian authors. There was a large oak desk and red leather chair in the center of the office. I sat in the green arm back chair. For a moment I didn't know what to do. I felt so far removed from God lately. My whole world felt upside down since my encounters with Sebastian. How was I supposed to get over my desires? Kissing Ally did absolutely nothing for me. Just being near Sebastian set every nerve in my body on fire. It was intoxicating to look in his eyes. I was supposed to feel that with Ally. I was supposed to want her. But the entire time I was kissing her, I was wishing it was Sebastian's lips on mine. And that thought my head spin. Lord, I need help.