Preacher's Son (boyxboy)

Chapter 11

"Have you always known?" Gracey asked. We were laying on the ground behind the church. Neither one of us wanted to go back to the crowd.
"Yeah. I tried so hard and I prayed so much not to like men," I said, ashamed. I wanted her to know that I didn't mean for this to happen.
"Liam, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm so sorry that Daddy makes you feel that way. You aren't doing anything wrong being with Sebastian," Gracey said. I felt uncomfortable. It was hard talking to anyone about this. I felt vulnerable with Gracey knowing about Sebastian. Even though she was so accepting, I still felt ashamed.
"I'm sorry I freaked out at first, I was terrified Dad was going to catch you guys,"
"I know, it was stupid for us to do that. He shouldn't have even come. Dad hates their family to begin with," I reassured her.
"It's not fair. There is nothing wrong with being gay. And there's nothing wrong with the Martinez family. Aren't Christians suppose to be loving and nonjudgmental?" Gracey asked, angrily.
"I haven't seen it work that way," I sighed. We laid there for awhile. I focused on how warm the sun felt on my face. There was a cool breeze that broke through the still summer morning. I slowly started to relax and find comfort in Gracey's presence. Then we heard a twig snap. Without looking, I knew who it was. My veins turned ice cold with fear. Gracey and I quickly got up. I finally gathered the nerve look him in the face.
His grey eyes narrowed in on me. He had a stern expression on his face that made me feel like I was five years old again.
"Gracey, give your brother and I a few minutes alone," Dad said, not even glancing in her direction.
"Yes, sir," she said, giving me an apologetic look. She quickly left the vicinity. I didn't feel as confident as I did when I was standing in front of the congregation with Sebastian in the crowd. But I swallowed my fear and looked my father directly in the eye.
"Boy, What were you thinking?" Dad asked, harshly. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell him why I felt the need to write the sermon I did. "You went against everything our family has taught for generations. Do you understand the implications of what you said?" Before I could say anything, he said,
"There are some sins that can never be forgiven. Sins that hide and disguise themselves as love. There are forms of love that are unnatural and wrong." The disgust was flowing out of his words. I felt disgusting. I felt like I was an inch tall listening to him. "I should beat you black and blue for even suggesting what you did,". I tried to keep my fear at bay. It had been a few years since the last time, he hit me. He used whatever he had available and wouldn't stop until welts were well formed. It was awful and it kept me in line.
"Yes, sir," I barely choked out. I prayed he would spare me today. I didn't think I could face Sebastian today if he did. I felt his hand slap me across the face and an immediate burning sensation. Hurt, pain, and humiliation flooded inside me. I kept my groan of pain in and stopped myself from reaching towards my face. I knew there would be a mark.
"Tell me you know homosexuality is wrong," his eyes had a pinpoint focus on me.
"I know," I said, carefully guarding my expression and tone. I was in dangerous territory but I felt myself cool and leveled. I couldn't give him more of a reason to be suspicious.
"Say it," I saw his hand raise up again before it crashed down on me.
"Homosexuality is a sin," I said, fighting back through all of the emotion I felt. My left cheek was on fire but I was lucky that was it.
"Can you explain why Sebastian Martinez was in my church today?" I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"No, sir. I haven't talked to him since you told me not to," I lied. Please believe me.
"Good, I appreciate that you are an obedient son. That boy and his family are a bunch of devil worshippers that will only bring nothing but trouble," dad said, sternly. I felt anger stir up at his accusations. They were the most lovely family I had ever met. They loved and accepted each other unconditionally. Our family, on the other hand, couldn't even do that.
"Yes, sir," I said, removing all emotion from my voice. I just wanted to feel numb. He had complete control over me and I just wanted to die and feel nothing.
"Good, now let's get home and eat some lunch," Dad said, cheerfully. It was as if he didn't just destroy me. He put his hand on my shoulder and lead me to the front of the church. Mom and Gracey were waiting outside of the van for us. Both looked nervous. They knew how violent Dad could be when he was mad. Gracey's eyes were glued to my cheek. Humiliation burned through me. We all piled into the van silently. I stared out the window, not taking in the scenery around us. I willed myself not to think or feel a thing but the sadness in my heart was overwhelming.
Once I was home, I went straight up to my room. I didn't check my phone. I just flopped on my bed and buried my head in the pillow. My cheek was on fire. What was I going to tell Sebastian when he saw? I was utterly humiliated. I was eighteen and I was completely under my dad's control. I found myself spewing out the same hate he did because I was terrified of him. How lame was I? Why did Sebastian want to be with someone like me? I couldn't even defend him against my father. I couldn't stand up and say I was in love with another man. I couldn't dare let out the words I was gay. Not only that but I said it was wrong and that it was a sin. How screwed up was I?
I continued to wrestle with my thoughts throughout lunch. Mom praised me for my sermon and doted on how good of son I was. Dad gave me advice for the next time I have a sermon. He said he was going to give me a specific topic next time because I needed more direction. I felt nauseous at the thought of a next time.
After lunch, Sarah and Daniel picked me up to go to his house for the game. They were both chatting away excitedly. Daniel was explaining the importance of the series the Cardinals were starting today against the Cubs.
"The Cards are in first place and two games above the Cubs. We have the opportunity to widened the gap to five games," Daniel explained excitedly.
"Or the Cards could get swept by the Cubs and lose first place," I added. Daniel nodded.
"Okay," Sarah said, slowly. Daniel sighed.
"Oh, Liam, I invited Sebastian over to watch the game today?" Daniel said, off-handedly.
"Oh," I said, pretending this was news to me.
"Yeah, he was at church this morning. We got to talking about baseball and I invited him over" Daniel said, taking the bait.
"Why was he at church?" Sarah asked, surprised.
"I don't know, I didn't ask," Daniel shrugged. I chuckled. That's why I liked Daniel. He didn't pry into anyone's business and just rolled with the flow. "He's a pretty cool dude. I don't know why your dad doesn't like him, Liam,".
"I couldn't tell you either," I said.
"But don't worry, my parents won't be home so he won't find out," Daniel reassured me. Another reason I liked him, he always covered for me.
"Thanks, man," I said. We pulled up to Daniel's house. I saw Sebastian's truck parked out front along with Ally's Jeep. My  heart sank. What was she doing here?
"Ally got back in town last night so I invited her over," Sarah said, excitedly. "She's so excited to see you, Liam,". I definitely could not say the same.
"You girls better not talk the whole game," Daniel said annoyed. Sarah rolled her eyes. We all got out of the car. Sebastian got out of the truck. He was smiling until his eyes landed on my cheek. I saw his smile falter. My cheeks started turning red. Before I could wallow in my embarrassment, Ally ran out of her Jeep.
"Oh, Liam, I've missed you so much," she squealed. I stood there awkwardly for a moment. A truck door closed. I looked up, staring at Sebastian with Ally holding me tightly. He smirked, giving me a slight nod.
"Yeah me too," I lied, giving her a slight squeeze back. Words couldn't describe how terrible I felt. I wanted to hold Sebastian like this in front of others, not Ally. I hoped he understood that.
"Get a room lovebirds," Daniel called out. I quickly pulled away. I saw the smirk fall off Sebastian's face. I looked away, feeling even more guilty.
"Shut up," I muttered. "Let's go watch the game,". We all went inside Daniel's house. The living room was large and full of light. The room basked in light from the bay window. There was a large plush couch in front of it with two matching loveseats. A large TV was hanging up on the wall.
"I'm going to make pizza rolls, if you want to get the game on, Liam," Daniel said. I nodded, grabbing the remote off the coffee table. Sebastian sat at the end of the couch and then Ally sat on the opposite end. I stared at the middle of the couch where I knew I would sit. Great, I would literally be in the middle of Ally and Sebastian. I sat down, feeling stiff and uncomfortable. Ally cuddled up next to me. Internally, I groaned.
"Hey, Sebastian, I'm glad you could come today," Daniel said, coming back in and plopping on the couch.
"Yeah, man. Thanks for inviting me. I love watching the Cards kicked the Cubs' ass," Sebastian chuckled.
"Me too, man," Daniel said. "Oh, Ally, this morning Liam gave his first sermon. He kicked ass at it too,".
"You're not supposed to cuss when talking about church," I smirked.
"Oh baby, I'm so proud of you," Ally said, kissing my cheek.
"Um, thanks," I said, awkwardly. Ally then started talking about her summer in Florida. She went on and on about the beaches and swimming all day.
"Shut up, the game is starting," Daniel said. I smirked. Thank goodness for Daniel's love of baseball. A little bit after the game started, I heard the oven go off. The Cards were up to bat with two on and no outs.
"I'll get it," I offered. Daniel nodded, not paying me any attention. I was just glad to get away from the group for a few minutes. I pulled out the pizza rolls from the oven and when I turned around, Sebastian was walking in.
"Hey," I said, awkwardly. His eyes were focused on my cheek. I blushed in embarrassment.
"Your father did that didn't he?" He asked in a low voice.
"Don't worry about it," I said, brushing him off. I heard him curse in Spanish under his breath.
"Liam, this is serious," Sebastian whispered.
"We cannot talk about this here," I said, firmly.
"Liam," Sebastian said, annoyed.
"Wasn't this supposed to be a real chill afternoon," I said, defensively. I immediately felt terrible for throwing his words back in his face. But how could I talk to him about this? He scowled at me.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. I kept eyeing the door, nervously and afraid someone would come in and see us in an intense conversation.
"No, you're right. We shouldn't be talking about this here. I just worry about you, Liam," Sebastian said, also taking small glances at the kitchen door.
"I know," I said, softly. "We should get back though,". He nodded. We grabbed plates and the pizza rolls. As we walked back into the living room, Daniel was cheering loudly.
"Hell yeah! Yadi hit a double!" I chuckled at his enthusiasm. I set the pizza rolls and plates on the coffee table and then settled back on to the couch. Of course, Ally laid her head on my chest and rubbed her hands all over me. I felt so uncomfortable so I tried to focus solely on the game and ignored Ally. We continued to watch the game for most of the afternoon.
Daniel, Sebastián and I were the only ones in the living room while Ally and Sarah went into the kitchen.
"Hey, Liam my parents are going to be gone a few more hours and Sarah and I want to make good use of that time if you know what I mean," Daniel said, winking at the end.
"I'll find a ride home," I chuckled.
"I can give you a ride home," Sebastian offered. I smirked at his eagerness.
"Sounds good, man," I said, trying to sound as laid back as possible. Ally and Sarah came back into the living room, giggling.
"Babe, Sebastian is going to take Liam home so we could spend time together," Daniel said. He put what they were going to do so much more eloquently than he did with Sebastian and I.
I saw disappointment flash across Ally's face. It would have made more sense for me to go with her than Sebastian but in this moment I didn't care. 
"We should probably get going," I said, standing up.
"Liam, can we talk in the kitchen for a moment," Ally said. I stole a quick glance at Sebastian before following her to the kitchen. As soon as the kitchen door closed, she pounced on me. Her lips mashed against mine. Once again I found myself frozen, not knowing what to do. This felt nothing like when Sebastian kissed me. She pulled away.
"I've missed you so much. I've been waiting all summer to kiss you again, Liam," Ally said, kissing me in between her words. I didn't say anything and she didn't seem to notice. Her hands ran all over me like Sebastian did. Her hands lingered over the zipper of my jeans. My body went rigid. Why was she so obsessed with taking things further? Before she could do anything else, we heard the door open. I jumped away, embarrassed. I looked up to see Sebastian standing in the doorway. The look of shock twisted with hurt was something I never would forget. I was such a terrible person.
"Uh, are you ready to go?" Sebastian finally said breaking the awkward silence. I stared at the ground ashamed. We both knew it was all for show but that didn't stop it from hurting Sebastian.
"Yeah," I said. "I'll see you around, Ally,". Now it was her turn to look hurt. I sounded so callous but I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to show Sebastian that she was only around for appearances.
"Um, yeah okay," Ally said trying to match my level of casualness. I walked out of the kitchen with Sebastian, leaving Ally standing alone in the kitchen. Sarah and Daniel were no where to be found as we walked through the living room and outside. I assumed they already found their way upstairs.
Most of our drive was spent in silence. I didn't know what to say. I wish I had never agreed to date Ally. It wasn't worth having a cover with Sebastian in my life. Sebastian abruptly pulled over to side of the road a mile past my house. Before I could ask him what he was doing, he grabbed my face and kissed me roughly. I matched his intensity, wanting nothing more than to be one with him. After a few minutes, he pulled away.
"I don't like this," Sebastian said. Hurt washed over me.
"What? Kissing?" I asked, feeling blindsided.
"No, kissing you is amazing," he reassured me. "I hate how jealous I feel of Ally,".
"Why?" I asked bewildered.
"Because she gets to kiss you in front of everyone. She gets to profess her feelings for you freely," Sebastian said, darkly. "I love you so much. I want to tell everyone and to see her do that, it absolutely sucks,".
"I'll break up with her. I don't care what anyone else thinks," I said, firmly. "I love you so much, Bash and it sucks for me too. I hate that it hurts you. Having a cover isn't worth being miserable,".
"Liam, I saw and heard everything with your dad," Sebastian said, quietly. My cheeks flushed bright red. I couldn't look at him. "I went to go back to my truck but there were so many people around and then I saw your dad heading towards you and I was so worried about his reaction, I wanted to make sure you were okay,". I felt frozen in place. I couldn't believe he saw What happened, what I said about this family and being gay. He saw me at one of my weakest moments. I was utterly humiliated.
His hand gently stroked my cheek where I was struck. I pulled away, feeling like a child.
"I'm so sorry he hurt you,"
"I'm fine," I said, defensively.
"No, I was stupid and didn't understand how bad it was," Sebastian said. "If he had seen us together..." His voice trailed off. I gulped, trying not to think of what would happen if he did see us together.
"But we are fine," I said, firmly. "It won't happen again. We both graduate early and we can leave,". Sebastian smiled at me.
"I didn't mean what I said to him," I said, softly. Sebastian wrapped me up in his arms.
"I know you didn't mean any of it," Sebastian whispered, kissing the top of my head. "You are just trying to survive,".
A huge weight lifted off my shoulders. He kissed my cheek where the mark was.
"Let me take you home,"