Preacher's Son (boyxboy)

Hell

Warning!!! This Chapter is very dark and may be distressing for some. It contains harsh words and depictions of abuse.

I walked into the living room. Immediately I knew something was wrong. Dad was sitting in his recliner, staring me down. Mom was on the couch crying. The air was thick with tension. Nerves filled my stomach and my heart jumped into my chest, making it hard to breathe.
"Son, tell me what this filth is," Dad said, throwing a large book at me. I looked down on it as it fell to the floor. It was the scrapbook Sebastian gave me on our anniversary a few weeks ago. My insides went cold. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't get my mouth to work. He knew. He had his proof. There was no lying my way out of this one.
"Boy, answer me," Dad yelled. His face was bright red. I could see the vein in his temple throbbing with anger.
"It's a scrapbook," I stammered. I couldn't keep myself calm and collected. Fear was coursing through me. I looked around the living room for help. Mom was the only other person in here. Tears were streaming down her face. I could see how disappointed she was in me. She couldn't even look at me. That was worse than my father's anger.
"I told you to stay away from that filthy boy," he screamed. Anger started bubbling up.
"Sebastian isn't filthy," I retorted, unable to swallow down my anger. I felt a hand across my face.
"Boy don't back talk me. You're in enough trouble as it is,". I bit my tongue.
"There are many men of God that struggle with homosexual urges," Dad said. I looked up at him. It almost sounded like he was going to give me mercy. Mercy I had never received my entire life. "This must be dealt with promptly to squash these urges. You have to learn to ignore the temptations". Any hope I had disappeared with his words. I saw his belt slide off. A site I hadn't seen since I was thirteen but it elicited the same reaction. I was ashamed of how scared I was of him. I knew how bad he was going to hurt me. I knew there was no way to convince him that I loved Sebastian liked he loved Mom. That I wasn't a freak. This wasn't the Devil trying to grab a hold of me. It was pure and simple love.
"Take off your shirt and get in front of me," Dad ordered. There was nowhere to run. Sebastian and I didn't plan for him finding out especially not before graduation. What would we do? I definitely wasn't going to beg him for mercy. So I took off my shirt and knelt in front of him. I glanced at Mom. She still refused to look at me.
"You should leave for this," Dad told her. She nodded and quickly left the room. It was just the two of us.
"Do you have anything to say before we start?" He asked me.
"No," I said, finding my composure again.
"Okay, turn around then," he ordered. I did as he said. I heard the belt snap through the air and then felt it crash down on my skin. I jumped slightly but I didn't dare make a noise. This was only the beginning. Then came another. And another and another. My skin burned like hell but I remained silent. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.
"Son you have greatly disappointed me," Dad said as the belt crashed down on me. "You were meant to continue our legacy in the church. But we will do this everyday until these urges go away,". By this point, there was no inch of my back that hadn't been exposed to belt. The pain was getting worse. I prayed he would get tired before the welts and bleeding started. I don't know if I would be able to keep my composure then.
"Daddy stop, you're hurting him" I heard Gracey yell. Oh no. I looked up at her, humiliated that she saw me in this position.
"Go away," I told her. Jesus she was going to land in my situation if she didn't control herself.
"Did you know your brother was a homosexual?" Dad yelled at her. Before she could answer, I blurted out,
"No, she didn't. No one knew but me,".
"Good. Now go back upstairs," he ordered. Gracey looked down at me with tears in her eyes.
"Go, I deserve this," I said. My voice was shaking now. Those old insecurities were bubbling up again. Those thoughts of me being a bad person for loving Sebastian were in the forefront of my mind. The self-hatred was back. I was unbelievably thankful that Sebastian wasn't here to witness this.
"Get up Boy," Dad said grabbing me under the arm. "We're going outside. Grab that filth,". He motioned to the scrapbook. I took it. The urge to flee was strong but I continued being led outside by my father.
The November wind was bitter and cut into my already burning, bare skin. Shivers ran through me. Dad led me to the fire pit. I looked up at him, confused.
"Light a fire," he said, handing me matches. I did as he said. Within a few minutes, there was a small but steady fire going. I didn't understand what his plans were. I just kept doing what I was told in hopes it would grant me mercy.
"Cast it into the fire," Dad said. I looked at him and then the book. This was all of our memories from our first six months together. I couldn't give that up. At the bottom corner of the scrapbook, there was Sebastian's terrible handwriting that said, Te amo.
"No," I said, firmly.
"This is a step to getting rid of those unnatural urges you have. Throw it into the fire," His voice was filled with disgust and anger.
"But I love him. It doesn't feel unnatural when I'm with him," I pleaded. I said I wasn't going to beg but I was going to beg for this. Even though I knew it wouldn't matter in the end. Once my father made up his mind, there was no turning back.
He snatched the scrapbook from hands and ripped it open. He shoved it in my face. I saw a picture of Sebastian and I in the back of his truck. We had made love earlier that night so we were still naked, wrapped up in a blanket. Sebastian was kissing my cheek while I took the picture. It was one of my favorites. We looked so happy in the picture.
"This is unnatural. This is what animals do. This is not love," He screamed. Every word hurt more than the belt. But nothing hurt as bad as watching him throw our book in the fire. Tears streamed down my face. I watched all of Sebastian's hard work go up in flames. My hatred for my father started burning hot like the fire was.
"Quit crying," He yelled as the belt came crashing down. He kept yelling at me as he hit me. The pain was overwhelming. I started to feel something wet run down my back. I could tell from how bad it hurt that it was blood. I just wanted it to end. Tears flowed out but I didn't make a sound. I just thought of Sebastian. Even though this was the most horrible and humiliating experience of my life, I wished he was here. I wanted to run away with him and never look back on this god forsaken place. I tried mentally checking out, just focusing on seeing Sebastian's face. I thought about our first kiss. His laugh and smile. The first time he said he loved me. Those memories kept me sane while my father spewed out his hate.
But the pain was starting to get the better of me. It was harder to concentrate on thoughts of Sebastian. My back felt like it was on fire. If the belt wasn't cutting into it, the wind was. I started yelling with pain with each hit. I couldn't focus on anything. I started falling over. Dad grabbed me under the arm.
"Get up," he said. He dragged me back inside. I was scared to be hopeful that it was over. I just wanted to lay down and sleep. "Go upstairs. I sealed the window shut so you won't be able to leave. I'll get you in the morning,".
"Yes, sir," I said, keeping my eyes glued to the floor. I was afraid that looking at him would anger him and start this over. I slowly climbed up the stairs. Every movement caused searing pain in my back. I quietly closed the door behind me and laid down on the bed, not caring to get undressed or turn off the lights. I started crying again. The pain was overwhelming. I wanted Sebastian but I couldn't let him see me in this state. I hated myself. I wanted to die.
"Liam," I heard Gracey's say as the door opened. Then I heard a gasp. I'm assuming it looked as bad as it felt. I wiped my eyes quickly. She didn't need to see me cry. She had seen enough already.
"Yes?" I said, not able to roll over to see her.
"I brought wash clothes to clean up with," she said. I felt her sit on the bed. There was the swishing of water in a basin. "This is going to sting, Liam,". I nodded, bracing myself for more pain. The warm water made it feel like there was a swarm of stinging bees on my back. I shoved my face in the pillow.
"God, Liam there is so much blood," Gracey said, sounding horrified. "I'm so sorry this happened."
"I'm fine," I muttered, grimacing in pain.
"No, you're not Liam. There's no way you can be okay right now," Gracey said. "And that's okay, you're okay to not be okay". I didn't say anything. She was right. I wasn't okay. I didn't feel like I was going to ever be okay again.
"Let me call Sebastian. You have to get out of here. It's not safe anymore," Gracey said. Even though I wanted and prayed for Sebastian all night, the idea of seeing him made me feel sick.
"No," I said, firmly.
"Liam," Gracey said with a sigh.
"He can't see me like this," I said, softly.
"Oh, Liam," Gracey started to say, "he would want to know. He wouldn't want you staying here where you're getting beat,".
"No, I'll see him tomorrow at school. There's no point in telling him tonight," I said.
"Okay," she said, sounding unconvinced.
"Don't say anything to him, okay? No matter what," I said. "Promise".
"Okay, Liam," she said. She finished washing my back and then laid down next to me.
"He threw the scrapbook into the fire," I said, weakly.
"Oh, Liam," she said, softly. Her big blue eyes were filled with tears.
"Yeah," i said, barely audible. We laid there a while. My eyes grew heavy. I was exhausted. I didn't remember falling asleep. All of a sudden, Dad was in my room screaming at me.
"Get your butt up," he yelled. I felt the belt crack down on my back. I almost screamed in pain. It was even more tender today. I don't know if I could take anymore. I scrambled to get up out of bed, ignoring the searing pain in my back. Thankfully there was no sign of Gracey being here last night.
"Get downstairs," He barked. I was still in my jeans from last night. In the light, I could see blood on my jeans. All the memories of last night came crashing down.
He led me down the stairs and into the kitchen.  Mom and Gracey were sitting at the table. Mom kept her eyes on her lap while Gracey stared at me sympathetically. They all had plates with bacon and eggs. Where I normally sat was plain bread with butter on it. I didn't care. For the first time in my life, I didn't want to eat. Dad pushed me down into the seat. I winced as his hands pushed on my sore back.
"I'll say prayer this morning," Dad said, narrowing his eyes on me. We didn't hold hands like when Sebastian and I said prayer together but I grabbed Gracey's hand. She squeezed my hand tightly.
"Dear Lord, please guide our family through this difficult time. Our son is experiencing dark demons in his soul. Please guide me and provide direction on how to cleanse his soul so he can walk on the side of the light again. Help our family heal from this pain and suffering. Amen,"
I couldn't bring myself to say amen. The way Dad looked at me, I knew I was going to pay for it later. But in that moment, I didn't care. I was trying to figure out who I hated more: him or me.
"Boy, get dressed you are coming with me today," Dad said when I finished with my bread.
"I have school today," I said. Please give me eight hours away from him. Please let me see Sebastian today.
"No, I don't want you seeing that boy ever again. We'll work something out with the school," Dad said. Of course. He ran this town. They would do whatever he said. I felt trapped. "Now go do what I told you,". I nodded my head and made my way upstairs. I changed into jeans and boxers that didn't have blood on them. I didn't want to put on a shirt. I knew it would add to my pain but I didn't have a choice. The stinging intensified as I moved around in the shirt. I reluctantly went back downstairs. Gracey met me at the foot of the stairs.
"Don't say a word to Sebastian today," I whispered.
"Liam, " she started to argue but Dad walked in. He looked at the two of us suspiciously.
"Grace go catch the bus," Dad barked. He grabbed my shoulder and dragged me to the garage. I fought back a groan in pain. We got into the car. I leaned forward so I wouldn't put any pressure on my back. Dad saw this and pushed me into the seat, causing a searing pain in my back. I grimaced in pain but didn't say anything.
"Hurts doesn't it?" He said with an almost cruel smile. I didn't say anything. The rest of the drive was spent in silence. After a few minutes, we arrived at the church. My stomach churned with fear. He brought me inside, leading me into the sanctuary. I was brought to the cross and podium and forced to kneel down. I looked up at the podium, remembering the sermon I gave only a few months ago.
"Four generations of Wells' men have preached at this church," Dad said, walking around me. It reminded me of how a lion stalked a gazelle. "You have brought shame and disappointment to them all. But we are going to get you through these dark urges,".
"Recite Leviticus 20:13," he barked. I stared him down. Fear was causing me to be frozen in place. He walked over toward me and wrapped his hands around my neck. I couldn't breathe. I fought against him as his hands gripped tighter. Fear was coursing through my body.
"You will do as I say," Dad screamed as he threw back on the ground. "Leviticus 20:13,".
"If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them,". It came out in short gasps. My entire body was shaking. I felt like I was going to die. I couldn't even remember the last thing I said to Sebastian.
"Pray for forgiveness," he said. He started sliding the belt off again. "Out loud,". I felt the belt crash down on me. I yelped in pain.
"Please God forgive me," I said over and over again as the belt rained down on my back. I couldn't hold back my shouts of pain when he pulled my shirt off. I couldn't keep track of time or what Dad was telling me to do. All there was was pain and blackness. I think I passed out at one point. I was on the floor suddenly, covered in blood and sweat.
"Get up," he yelled, grabbing me by the neck. My neck was still sore from when he choked me. I felt the stinging leather on my skin. I didn't realize it but I started crying out for Sebastian.
"Stop calling out for the filthy fag," Dad snarled at me. Deep down I could feel anger bubbling up but the pain was too severe for it to surface. Eventually it stopped. My words were incoherent. Everything in the room was spinning. I could feel the blood soaking through my jeans. My back felt like there were thousands of hot pokers stabbing it. I didn't even notice when he put me back in the car. At home, I was forced to write Leviticus 20:13 over and over. Then I slept only getting up for dinner which consisted of another piece of bread with butter on it. The next three days followed this cycle. I didn't look at my back. I was too scared to see the damage he had caused. I knew my neck was covered in bruises from him choking me whenever I didn't say what he wanted to hear. He started throwing punches when I wasn't moving fast enough. My whole body was pulsing with pain. Gracey stayed with me most of the night, cleaning me up for the next day's assault. I kept telling her to leave Sebastian out of it. I was terrified that Dad would catch him and do worse to him. He just needed to stay far away.
The third night, I was able to strip down to my boxers and lay down on my bed without help. I didn't know if I would be able to stay awake to talk to Gracey but at least I got the bloody clothes off of me so she didn't have to see that. I laid there for God knows how long. Just the air was causing ungodly amounts of pain for back. But I didn't care about the pain. I just wanted Sebastian here. If I could just see him, this would all be okay. I wanted to tell him I loved him. That I was so sorry that I didn't tell him about this sooner. But the longer This went on the more I felt trapped. I didn't know if I was ever going to escape this hell.