Monsta

THIRTY-TWO

⚠️ trigger warning::: mention of suicidal thoughts

santana's point of view

Shownu rubs gentle circles on my back while I lay on his chest. I cling onto his shirt for dare life as if I'm going to fall again.

Flashbacks of the pool incident keep coming to mind.

I remember waving and splashing my arms around trying to grab someone's attention. Each time I went to yell my mouth would fill with water, my lungs felt like they would collapse at any minute. My chest felt like someone was sitting on it and refused to move.

Before the darkness took over I heard someone screaming my name and then nothing.

Shownu: Princess are you okay?

I sit up so I'm straddling his waist, he looks up at me with a concerned face and I smile a little.

Me: You saved my life, twice.
Shownu: Seeing you like that made my heart ache. But what do you mean twice?
Me: Well..

I begin to play with his fingers, I'm too nervous to look him in the eyes. He sits up so we're face to face, his soft lips kiss my forehead making me sigh.

Me: I say twice because if I wouldn't have ended up here, I'd be dead.
Shownu: What?
Me: As I told you guys before life turned to shit once my parents were killed. My grandfather didn't care about anything, sometimes he got violent. He spent all the life insurance money on drugs and alcohol.

He wipes my tears and I sigh.

Me: It took every ounce of strength I had to finish school and once I did that I thought I could make it through anything. Then slowly it turned into 'just make it through this' each time. My life became a survival game.

I close my eyes, refusing to let anymore tears fall.

Me: Once my money dried up and I couldn't stay in a motel anynore I slept on a park bench. That's when it hit me that I was all alone. No one could or would help me. Each day was worse than the last, I would have to sneak into a twenty-four hour gym to shower.

I let out a humorless laugh before shaking my head.

Me: One time I went three days without eating so I passed out. As soon as I woke up the hospital discharged me because I didn't have health insurance. So they sent me on my way with an orange juice and a pack of crackers.

He doesn't say anything, he just stares at me while I continue to tell the story.

Me: I walked the streets weighing my options only to realize I had none. The only suitable and pleasing option for me at that moment was death. It felt like my life was out of my grasp and there was nothing I could do but die. I gave up.

I finally look at him to see that his eyes are watery. He pulls me into a hug and I begin to sob uncontrollably.

Shownu: You're safe okay? We'll protect you, I don't care about that stupid contract.
Me: W-what?
Shownu: That feeling I felt when I seen you drowning is something I've never felt before.

We stare into each other eyes and he smiles.

Shownu: We were terrified Santana. When we came home so you can rest we were still afraid. While you were taking a nap we all took turns checking on you every ten minutes.

I let out a low chuckle, he rubs my lower back before sighing.

Shownu: Being loved by one person is a beautiful thing but being lived by seven is something different.

My eyes widen.

___

this book will be coming to an end soon ):

on the bright side i posted the first chapter to my new NCT book.

ALSO THE ENDING TO THIS BOOK IS DJDJDJ,, i wonder if anyone has an idea of where it's gonna go...

(: