Mr Refreshing

Eine Kleine

Every year, during the full moon of autumn, the Sendai city in Miyagi holds a small, cozy matsuri for moon viewing, or Tsukimi. It's not a grand affair, really. Just a small row of stalls selling takoyaki, and dango, and usagi mochi, against a backdrop of streets warmly illuminated by lantern-glow, and a small crowd clad in yukatas. At the end of the night, everyone sits themselves together with family and loved ones along the river bank, or on park benches, to admire a large, round moon.

Tonight, Daichi is here with Suga.

Well, Suga and the rest of the Karasuno team, really, but Daichi is trying his best to convince himself that they don't exist right now. Everyone seems to have run off in different directions anyway – Hinata and Kageyama are in fierce competition at a shateki booth; Shimizu and Yachi got distracted by hair pins a while back (and for some reason Tanaka is with them too); Noya has dragged (a still bewildered) Asahi off for a hand at goldfish scooping; Ennoshita, Narita, and Kinoshita have ducked into a restaurant; and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are... nowhere to be found.

So tonight, Daichi is here with Suga. Suga, who has an extremely sweet tooth, who's definitely overkilled at the snack stalls, so he's balancing little trays of mochi and dango precariously in his arms. Suga, who looks like he's glowing in his slate gray yukata. Daichi has thought about taking Suga's hand in his own so many times over the past hour, but he just cannot risk any of his kouhai witnessing this, seeing as he'd very much like to survive Tokyo, and if possible, the remainder of his Karasuno days without any unnecessary teasing. So he just walks next to the fair-haired setter, ready to catch any falling sweets should the need arise.

"Should we gather everyone for the moon viewing later, or...?" Suga wonders aloud. He's got mochi powder down the front of his Yukata, and Daichi resists the urge to brush it for him.

"I'm not sure there's a point anymore," Daichi chuckles. "They've probably forgotten about us by now."

Suga smiles with his half-moon eyes. "Guess it's just us then. Where shall we go?"

"Somewhere we don't have to hold hands in secret, maybe?"

Suga appears to consider this. "This is going to sound corny, but my room actually has a good view of the moon." He laughs sheepishly. "Like, it actually does."

Daichi doesn't need any convincing, because he's been dying to kiss Suga all night, and the mochi powder stuck to the corner of Suga's lips isn't doing anything to help him. "Your place it is then."

They arrive to an empty house, and Daichi's first order of business is to pepper his boyfriend's face with kisses. He doesn't want to propagate the stereotype of going back to his boyfriend's place for sex (although he's quite sure that's not what they're doing tonight), but Suga looks too inviting with his chestnut powder dusted face and his doe eyes, which, if Daichi knows his setter well enough, he's intentionally made to look as round and innocent as possible.

Suga hasn't even had the chance to drop off his unfinished sweets in the kitchen yet, so Daichi helps him with those, packing them into small little containers and stashing them in the fridge for later. Then, without Suga having to ask, he starts the kettle and fishes out the honey (he knows where it's kept now) and teacups, because he knows that Suga practically lives for this stuff, when Daichi is good like this.

Suga just eyes him fondly as he gets to work. Once he's done, and a warm cup is tucked between Suga's palms, Suga says, "You'll be the death of me, Daichi Sawamura."

Daichi just smiles wordlessly, hoping that he looks every bit as charming and gallant as the image he's conjuring in his head.

"I feel like I have to do it tonight." Suga says. "We leave for Tokyo on Monday, and if it's not today..." Suga takes Daichi by the hand and leads him into his room. He doesn't turn on the lights, but draws the curtains to let in a sliver of bright moonlight that is enough to illuminate the room in a soft, silver glow.

He sits by his piano, and Daichi can see that Suga is blushing, looking more vulnerable that he's ever known Suga to be.

"I... have a song." Suga says.

Daichi did not expect to be serenaded tonight, but this is definitely not something he's opposed to. "Oh," he says, because he's not sure what else to say, swallows thickly, and perches himself on the edge of Suga's bed.

Suga ruffles his hair. "Okay maybe this isn't a good idea-" He moves to stand from the piano, but Daichi gets up first to place a hand on Suga's shoulder. He's not going to let Suga chicken out of this, not when he's so close.

With a low, gentle voice, Daichi says, "I'm not here, so go ahead love."

Suga settles back down. "Okay," he breathes. "Don't you dare laugh."

And his fingers start to move. And Daichi sees moonlight bouncing off the tears that have freshly formed in Suga's eyes. And then he sings.

I'm truly happy to have met you,
and yet, as if it is to be expected, everything remains so sad.
Now, with painfully happy memories,
I walk towards an inevitable farewell.

I want you to be able to hear all my thoughts,
And yet I lie and say I have secrets to hide.
I'm so much more spineless than you seem to think of me,
So why, why, why?

From the moment I was born,
I screamed "I want to disappear".
And since then I've been searching
For the someone I'd meet someday. For you.

To have everlasting sorrows and open seams; but also you.
I'd be happy to be able to smile and say "it was great".
Everything in front of me seems to blur and melt.
A flood of miracles wouldn't be enough,
Because you called my name.

Is it okay, if I call out your name?

And then, Daichi's cheeks are wet. He's crying, because Suga's voice is too pure for this world. Because he's chosen a song that perfectly encompasses everything he's been feeling for the past few months, and Suga doesn't have to say anything else. Daichi has never noticed that Suga had ever felt inadequate. He's always brushed it off as awkwardness, unpreparedness, fear of commitment, but now he sees it runs so much deeper than that. Daichi is crying because this realization hurts too much.

He's crying because Suga is, too.

Is it okay, if I call out your name?

Suga has always called Daichi by his given name instead of his surname. It was just more comfortable, unlike with Suga, where everyone calls him a shortened form of his family name instead. But Daichi knows that this isn't what Suga means. To call someone's first name is extremely intimate, reserved for family, spouses, close friends. To be able to call out someone's first name is a profession of love in and of itself. Suga is asking for permission to love him, not knowing that he's earned that a long time ago.

He stands to wrap both his arms around Suga from behind.

"Koushi," he begins, "It's more than okay."

Suga sniffs, then lets out a small sob that turns into a broken laugh. He turns his head to face Daichi.

"Daichi..."

And finally, he says the words. Daichi thinks it could've been likened to soaring, bursting through the night sky in a comet firework, but maybe there are no words that could describe how it felt to hear Suga finally admit it, whisper it, bathed in moonlight and shimmering tears.

"I love you."

---

A/N: The song Suga sings is 'Eine Kleine' by Kenshi Yonezu. I love that it's so delicate and raw, and that works so well to shed a light on Suga's vulnerability. 'Eine Kleine' means 'something small', in German, which I take could refer to how Suga feels about himself, or how a small action like a profession of love can be anything but.

Meanwhile, Mr Refreshing is nearing the end of its run, so a big thank you to everyone who's shown their support so far! It truly means a lot to me, so thanks for being here.