Only Way Out

Chapter 22 Paint of the Broken

This chapter involves sensitive subjects like self harm. I myself experienced this with a good friend of mine and I thought it would be interesting to add into the story. If you are prone to having bad memories of things please skip ahead.

It's night time. Everyone but me and Sal are asleep. Something just doesn't seem right. Everyone seems off. The day was good until this afternoon. We were all just angry and depressed. Almost as if I was the one who caused it because I got angry about not getting the seat I wanted. Did I cause this...did I hurt everyone?? Everyone was sad and I couldn't help them. They were angry and I made them depressed and worse!!
"Larry?" Sal asks
"H huh??" I say
"Are you ok buddy? You seem fidgety"
"Why...what have I done to deserve this?...what have I done wrong?? What did I do???"
"L larry?...you you didn't do anything wrong bud what's wrong?"
"Everyone's depressed. You're depressed. Even the baby is depressed! Can I not catch a break???"
"Larry you don't need to worry about me..."
"What's gonna be next? You get depressed again too? Then what oh Travis or or chug or"
"Stop"
"I want a break! I want everyone to be happy dammit! I can't even make anyone happy anymore..."
"Liar! Your LYING!"
"I can't do it"
Sal laughs sarcastically "that's funny"
"I tried earlier to help you but you don't care"
"Because I told you I felt off"
"You just have a fake chuckle. I tried. But I can't anymore"
"I literally don't know why I'm not happy"
"That's what I mean by can't make anyone happy. I know I can when they're in a good mood. I just can't when they're not. That's what's hurting me"
"You're lying!"
"I can't bring people's moods up anymore..."
"...."
"I can't do it"
"Larry stop it"
"It's the truth isn't it? I can't help Travis. I can't help you. Ash won't even let me help. Nor Neil Todd anybody! Nobody will let me help me them!!! What am I???"
"...."
"Do you even care???"
"Yes!!!"
"Do you even want me anymore?..."
"Obviously"
"Then what am I??"
"I I don't know"
"So that's it huh?....I'm just...here?"
"No just stop"
"Just here to be here"
"Stop"
"No purpose"
"Larry Stop it!"
"Ok..."
"You know that's not true"
"I do! I want to know what I'm needed for...but there's nothing"
"....."
"See? You don't even question that or stop it"
"I don't know what to say....w what are you doing with that facepaint?..."
"So you agree?"
"No I fucking don't agree"
I turn my back from him and start painting my arms with red face paint and say "then why didn't you say anything? I'm cursed"
"Because I know we're gonna end up arguing again and I don't wanna say anything. You're not cursed" Sal grabs his head "just stop. Stop! Stop!!"
"Then why does everything always go wrong when we're all together?"
"It doesn't just stop!"
"We used to be so happy.."
"Stop it!!"
"Were did that go?..."
" I I don't know..."
"Is it me?"
"Never"
"Did I do something wrong?.."
"I said no"
"Then why is it that every group I get into ends up like this? Then they leave me...I can't do this anymore.....I'm gonna miss you Sal..." I get out a bunch of pills. Sal instantly pulls me around grabs the pills and starts crying.
"What did you do??" He says
I'm covered in facepaint.
"Does it matter? None of this matters anyway we're all going to die at some point" I say
"No you're not dying on me larry Johnston! I'm not loosing another person I love!"
"It doesn't fucking matter maybe you should just join me!"
"Larry Stop!"
"Why? All I am is useless! Just a toy to make anyone happy until they get bored of me!"
Sal hugs me gets out a music box and starts playing it all while shaking and crying. I stop and start crying. Thinking of what I've done. What could have happened.
"I Sal...I'm" I say. Sal says nothing just continues to play the box. The music continues on for a while just as the tears do. We eventually manage to calm each other down.
"I'm sorry..." I say
"Don't be" Sal says as he washes the face paint off of me with a wet wash cloth that he got from Megan's diaper bag. I wince a little since he's rubbing at my scars on my face.
"I I love you..." I say
"Hey larry....do me a favor and look at yourself in the mirror at least once and say to yourself that you're worth it. When you can get to a mirror please just please do it"
I nod then lean on his chest and say "c can you play it again?...". He nods and plays the music box again we both slowly start dozing (frosting because my girlfriend wants to keep the word as frosting) to sleep as the music fades away.