I haven't packed anything and haven't told the T's but I drive straight down to Cornwall. I just need to tell my Dad everything before he finds out. I need to get the police involved and get my head straight again.
I drive for 4 and a half hours and finally arrive at my house. 9 miss calls from the girls and two from Jake. I give them a quick text and I run straight to the door but the key isn't under the flower pot. I think and run next door to ask what is going on.
I violently band on the door and when they answer, "Oh! tommy! What a pleasant surprise!" Kayley, my next door neighbor gasps.
"Where is Dad?" I ask
"Oh, he's in Dover with his brother, I'm looking after the house, how the devil are you Tom?!"
I sprint back to the car before I can answer and sit for a second. I can't drive to Dover. 1. I don't know how to get there and 2. He could be anywhere in Dover.
So I get out and decide to speak to Mum. I walk to the church yard and open the creaky gate. As I walk in a holy feeling hits my chest. I slowly glide over to mum and Kenny's grave and kneel by it. I run my fingers through the short grass when it begins to rain. Then I begin to cry. I like crying in the rain because you can't tell your crying.
I weep and weep and cry out, longing for my mother. I would give anything to swap places with her or Kenny, to watch them live, because right now I wouldn't mind dying. I lie down next to her grave. My body soaking wet and think of the horrible texts. But I lie next to her and I feel okay. I feel safe. I feel home and I fall asleep.
The next thing I know, I am on the sofa facing the wall. I open my eyes and turn around to see Jake sat next to me, holding my hand. "Jake?!" I am really surprised to see him.
"Hello, I came down from Clifton to see you. Kayley found you and rung me up. I knew I had to come... Are you okay?" He says, very concerned.
"I don't know... What happened?" I ask
"You had a panic attack, Kayley found you in the grave yard. And brought you home. She called me straight away so I came down." He tells me.
But, I have never had a panic attack before and i didn't feel anything in the graveyard it just felt like falling asleep. i really don't understand this.
"Oh... But... What?" i asked again, confused
" look tommy i'm always here for you i'm so glad to see you", jake squeezes my hand even tighter, " tommy what is wrong with you?"
" i don't know it's just all a big mess isn't it?" I look straight up and feel a tear roll down my cheek. " i'm just really broke right now Jake."
" what can i do to put you back together" asks Jake.
" play me a song" I smile.
Jake grins and grabs the old acoustic guitar from the corner of my lounge, he checks it tunes it and i watch innocently.
" this is for the love of my life, tommy"
" Girl, baby girl
Will you come back home?
To me
For this darkest night won't ever let her be
And sing, fire, fire, fire
Oh I'll sing for you
My girl
Baby blue
Babe, oh babe
Will you love me so?
When I have to go
For this darkest night won't ever let her speak
And sing, fire, fire, fire
Oh my darling you, are blue
For me"
