Alexandria Laughlin Marshall (TO)

God's Gonna Trouble the Water

    After Caroline woke up, she saw what happened and the state I was in. Everything in my mind keeps running in circles, the death playing over and over in my head. The world seems to keep going, and I'm left behind. I find myself one minute outside the abandoned house, to the next in the car with Aunt Caroline. I don't remember getting there, but I just sit there in the back seat completely silent, staring straight forward paralyzed still from what I saw. I'm like this for hours, I can see Aunt Care giving stares of worry from the front, but I can't move from this state; so, I stay like that till we get out of the car at school.

When we arrive, I see Lizzie and Josie run up to the car hugging their mom, while I stay in the back seat. I hear Lizzie ask to see me. But Aunt Care says, "Alex isn't in the mood, why don't you two go back inside." After a couple more times of Aunt Care saying this, they listen and leave, and only then do I slowly open the car door. The car door seems heavier than normal, and it takes more effort to move; like I have to focus on every muscle movement. Once I'm out of the car, I hear the door shut, and Aunt Care put an arm on around my shoulder. My feet feel heavy, as I walk through the large door into the school. Aunt Care walks me up the stairs and to my dorm. I open the door, and my Aunt tries to walk in with me. But, before I enter my room, I turn back around. I tell her with a straight face, "I want to be alone." I see her nod, but I don't hear a word that comes out of her mouth. All I do is close the door, as she walks away.

I kick off my shoes, and slowly climbing into bed, not caring that I still have my dress on from the dance. I look back to just mere hours ago, and the events leading to the moment that Hayley died. I think to myself, "Hayley, my aunt Hayley, is dead." And that's when I crack. The tears start to pour out from my eyes, and I stuff my face into my pillow so no one will hear them. I try to hold the tears in as much as possible, but little gasps and sounds escape me as the tears soak my pillow. I don't remember myself stop crying that night, and I also don't remember falling asleep. I had never truly understood what it meant to cry yourself to sleep until tonight. 

——— 

    I wake up to Freya laying Hope on the bed, at four am. She asks, "Sorry did I wake you." I shake my head. I see Freya looking at my face, and I can feel the puffiness still present from my crying.

I with a forced smile, getting up from the bed, "I'm going to walk around." Freya gives me a weird look, and I say, "It helps me think."

She nods, and I quickly grab a jacket before leaving. I put it on as I walk outside into the woods. As I walk farther into the trees, they get denser. Soon the moon, my only light source, is blocked out, and I can barely see what's in front of me. I then strip down, and I start to turn. I feel my bones start to break, but they don't hurt as much anymore and it's faster now. Soon I forget everything, the death, my problems, my fears, and I feel completely and utterly free. I move through the forest with ease, going in between trees, spring up and down hills. I don't realize how much time has passed, till the sun has already risen and the forest floor is aglow. I go back to my clothes and turn back to my human form. I know that I'm back in control when all the worries come back to me. I quickly change and hurry back, because I want to be there for Hope when she wakes up.

Once I get back I see Freya standing in the hall next to mine and Hope's room. I ask, "Is Hope awake?"

Freya nods her head, "She just woke up, I think she wants to talk to you.

I nod my head. Before I can go into my room, Freya adds, "You should also get packing I got plane tickets back to New Orleans for today, its where she would want to be." Freya obviously avoiding Hayley's name like it's going to help with the pain of her death and funeral.

I can bring myself to nod, and I just open my door without answering her.

I peek my head in to hear Hope say, "Freya please I just need a-"

"It's Alex," I say. Hope spins around at my voice. I fully enter the room, and I can see she's trying to stay strong just like me. So instead of asking if she's ok—obviously she's not—I walk over to her and engulf her in a much needed hug, for the both of us.

After Hope has controlled her cries, I pull away, "We need to get ready to go."

Hope nods her head slightly and moves towards her closet opening it. I go to my dresser, and I finally change out of my dress from the dance. I change into jeans and a t-shirt. Once I get out from the bathroom, I see Hope in the same place I had left her. I slowly walk up behind her and place a hand on her shoulder. She jumps slightly, as she turns around. With no emotion, Hope says, "I don't know what dress to wear."

I say with a small smile, "This one." I pull out a back and red lace dress, "She always liked this one." Hope gives a little smile, nodding her head and taking the dress. I then go over to my closet, and I grab the black dress Aunt Hayley bought for me last summer. It's a short, simple, off the shoulder black dress, it ended a little past mid-thigh. I pack some other clothes in a bag before I hear our door open.

I turn to see Freya saying, "We need to be going, our planes leaving shortly."

I nod my head, "We'll meet you downstairs in ten." Freya offers a weak smile before closing the door and going back into the hallway. I turn to see Hope staring at a picture of her, Hayley, and I. I say, walking up behind her, "That's after the first time I went to the Bayou."

I can see Hope force a smile, as she says, "Yah, I remember."

As she turns around, I grab her hand, "Hey, if you need me, I'm here for you. I just want you to remember that."

Hope nods her head slightly, "I know."

I say, trying to put on my warmest smile, "I just think you forget that sometimes."

——— 

hey everyone i hope you enjoyed this chapter even though it was kind of depressing. i'm just warning you the next couple are going to be kinda like this because they include hayley's funeral and aftermath of her death. but i hope that your week has been good.

-Care❤️❤️