Trolled |Compete|

[40]: Crazy like the Queen of Hearts

[Aug 7]

─────────────────────

Why was it that any decent guy was taken or gay? And why did the guy I happened to be interested in need to be two brothers with serious issues of their own?

My life was a cluster fuck of bad choices and terrible circumstances already. I didn't want more drama in my life.

And yet... I did? In a sick twisted way, I did.

I knew I desired them both but in polar opposite ways. And that single variation caused a whole lot of anguish.

Luca enthralled me, with his ability to ignite a truly feral lust that I couldn't control nine times out of ten. He reminded me of a black panther. Smooth, clever, and one-hundred-percent predatory. It was addicting in a familiar way. One that terrified me and excited me.

Noah, on the other hand, was a mild sweetness that slowly seeped into your bones until one day you woke up and realized you cared. God, I cared, and it angered me that I did.

I had feelings for both men and I was hyper-aware of the fact because I simultaneously hated them too.

Noah may be sweet and charismatic but he knew what his brother was doing. For how long I was unsure but regardless of that fact it was a huge violation of trust for me, no matter the time frame. He should have told me the moment he found out.

The trust with Noah was broken, yes, but with time I felt it could be repaired. Luca, on the other hand, had shattered any trust or credibility he had. I hated that he tricked me, God I hated him for that. Hated that he used me for his sick entertainment. Hated that he pretended to care. Hated that when we spoke his voice made my stomach quiver like a teen girl's on her first date...

I didn't want to cry over them, they didn't deserve my tears. Not now, not ever.

With an angry groan, I brushed the single loose tear from the corner of my eye and opened my internet browser.

As I pulled up YouTube I sat there in thought.

Do you really want to open this can of worms?

I knew he had live-streamed just about all of our playtime. Why wouldn't he if that were the goal? I needed to separate the two. There had to be a line between Raptar and Kegar because the reality was they were two different people.

There was a manipulative psychopath and there was Noah.

In my heart I knew Noah was a good guy, I just needed to convince my head.

With new determination, I punched in the only search phrase that came to mind. Raptar and Roari. The three words weighed heavily in my chest but I pushed them aside. I had to.

As if fate itself intervened, three videos down I recognized the familiar UI of World of Warcraft and the characters that occupied the small preview screen.

Now or never...

I clicked on the video and within a nanosecond a timber I hardly remembered yet was eerily familiar flooded my ears.

His laugh was warm and almost heartfelt. For a brief second, I thought I'd stop watching but instead, my eyes stayed glued to the screen.

"Of course you won't play this game." He chuckled under his breath.

I didn't like the way his tone made my insides turn to room temperature butter.

Was that fondness I heard?

The sound of a Discord call being made went off in the background and as quick as the softness of his voice appeared it was replaced by the cockiness I had come to expect.

"Why didn't you call me?" He accused with mock playfulness.

I rolled my eyes at our less than innocent banter. I forgot how casual our conversations started. And how serious they ended. It wasn't hard to recall the shy smile on my lips that played there that day. That day I enjoyed our conversation and on that day I realized I might just like him.

The video continued to play, our conversation flooded my mind. I began to notice little things. His voice was deeper and almost satin-like. He had a drawl, the kind that kept you hanging on every word. Most importantly though I saw the hidden meaning in every, single, word he spoke.

A solidified line appeared. With every off-handed comment he made to his followers behind the safety of a muted mic, my once clouded thoughts became clear.

I had no idea who Luca was. I never had.

Not able to stomach the extent of his lies I exited my browser. My anger had come back tenfold but this time it was directed towards Luca, not Noah.

Tears stung my eyes. Hot, angry tears. My body gently shook with a rage-filled confusion. He really had trolled me.

My heart ached in a way it never had before. I could live with hating Luca but I wanted to forgive Noah. I just wasn't sure I had the capacity for it.

All I did know was I wouldn't know until I tried.

─────────────────────

What a mess we have here...

Team Luca

Or

Team Noah