My boyfriend (BL)

The story

Society has a mindset to criticize and judge the people. Whether we do something good or do bad things they find a way to criticize by hook or by crook. As a human we are considered to be social animal, living in a society and helping each other. My parents reside in isolated valley of Radhi where people worship deties residing over a forest, large rocks and huge trees. People isolates themselves from the developing world, strongly holding their believes and traditions. They judge how we act, how we live and how we speak. Its tiring but thats how we live in our society.

I love my parents and the place they stay at and I don't have any judgement against it but the people are my worst fear. I feel afraid of their scrutinizing eyes that travels along with me working like an x ray machine. Fear always accompany me, I am not so good at socializing so I don't talk much but that behavior might mark me as an arrogant person and that is the least of thing that I mind. Mom and dad are very supportive but if I reveal the fear that is eroding me from inside they might leave me....... I fear that the most, losing them is something that I can bear to see.

Through the time I have become someone who was moulded and shaped by the society. Cheerful, friendly and lovely........but was it what I wanted. I thought I was okay....... okay to be what they wanted me to be.... a living model filled with their expectations, not having dreams and desires. Bottling up my desires and dreams was the most painful thing I did but I was surviving because of my parents, the love they shared with me kept me alive though I was feeling tired of living a lie.

Everything seem to be fine..... I was living a normal life until he showed up. He made my world crash with that beautiful melancholic eyes.... it mesmerized me and my heart felt something that I never felt before. I think I was pulled towards him, something in him make me want to comfort him and take care of him. The magnitude of pull was strengthening with time. He was quiet and lost in thought but he seem to be far from being happy..... a lost look in his eyes and a lingering shadow of sorrows filled him.

Sometimes he would catch me staring at him and that had me blushing furiously, the reactions seemed ridiculous to me but the feelings were real. Girls would drool over him, well it's not their fault......the guy was seriously hot but his cold attitude kept them away. Was I abnormal......should I be staring at a guy and admiring him..... is it natural? To me the feelings were fresh and it made me confused. I developed a hobby of watching him silently and admiring him.

You know how it feels when you feel confused about how you feel..... I know I make no sense but the things happening to me also did not make any sense at all. I would feel excited when I see him but when I realize my about my excitement I start getting frustrated at myself. The feelings were strong and coming at me with the speed of light,  Exhiliriating, exciting and scary but the feeling somehow made me alive.

That day was the day when I knew I would have to make a decision, whether to fight the feeling or ignore and run away. I plugged my earphone and was leaving for my home when I noticed a group of seniors surrounding something. They were furious and slapping someone. Poor soul...... it happens all the time but I don't want to be in a mess so deciding to go quietly I was half the way when I saw him.

He was shoved down in the road and they were kicking him, his face crunched and a gasp left from his lips. His lips were busted and the bruises were visible on his face. I felt my heart......the feeling was frightening and it's magnitude surprised me. I felt the pain and anger was making me blind. I just wanted to beat all of then into pulp but that will land me up in a mess and I didn't want to involve my parents in it.

I silently went back and asked one of the lecturer for the help. He drove them away and left after them, I silently approached him trying not to break in front of him. He barely could stand up without thinking I hugged him and silence you cried. With every drop of tears that left my eyes and with every inch of pain I felt I realized one thing.

I loved him. Not a past tense but a present tense...... I love him and that was scaring me. After a hug I left for my home, I felt my self being crushed the feeling were crushing me but my effort to reject was more painful. I am a freak, maybe I should just die...... but it was not so easy. My parents noticed my distress and sat with me to hear me out.

"Can you hug me.........mom........ dad. " I was breaking down with every passing moment and they were feeling my pain and crying with me. I know I am a guy but I also have emotions so I let my tears flow freely.

"I want to transfer to another school. Boarding would be fine please...... "

They understood me for they have witnessed me struggling to change myself to fit the society. I was to be sent to Orong higher school and I didn't  have any objection.....as long as I am away from him it's all right. I was a coward to face and fight the society for my happiness so I ended up in the school.

Being away I missed him but it became a subtle pain with the passage of time. I made myself believe that I love the girl but it was far from love, it was only a feeling of admiration that I deceive myself with the word love.

For 6 years I have succeeded in faking myself but the picture on Namgyel's lockscreen shattered my walls..... after a long time I stood in front of him and my emotions seem to resurface.... I was not able to forget him. I really loved him and the realization hit me hard. What should I do now?

I was facing my past once again. I realized I was fighting too hard but what was I fighting for I had no idea anymore.... ......