Confident

I'm Tired

WARNING SPOILERS IN COMMENTS!

Song: Asleep by The Smiths

October 18, 1993

It's dark out now. Candles are the only thing that illuminate the small room. Warm water swarms below him. His hand dipping in and out is the only thing he's focused on. Everything is still, quiet. It's as if time stands still. The room seems to spin around him and he's not sure how to make it stop.

His hand slows to a stop before he raises it from the water. The boy counts each individual droplet slide from his skin. Three, four, five-

There's a sudden pound and he's not sure whether someone's really there or it's all in his head again. Afraid of the answer, he shuts his eyes. But the harder he squeezes, the louder the pound sounds. Thump, thump, thump-

The noise comes to a stop, making the boy flinch at the sudden silence. His hand still extends out and the droplets continue to fall. Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen-

He allows his head to fall back and rest against the end of the tub. The entire house begins to shake and creak as a large gust of wind beats its way inside. Still, he doesn't open his eyes. The water has gone cold by now, yet he stays the same. His throat's closing, but he doesn't seem to mind.

A song runs through his head to fill the void. It seems to be the only thing that'll drown out all his current thoughts. The boy hums along, no longer afraid for what awaits him when he opens his eyes. It's inevitable, anyways.

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I, I want to go to bed

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone

Don't try to wake me in the morning
Cause I will be gone

Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go

His hand no longer stays put, lingering over the still water. Instead he reaches up, grabbing for nothing in particular. His chin lifts as well. Finally he allows his eyes to flutter open. He takes in the sight of his hand, which is a faint orange due to the flames glow bouncing from his warm skin. The hand moves side to side, fingers almost like snakes. His eyes spark at the sight. The boy almost never takes his eyes away.

But everything fades away once more and he's back to squeezing his eyes. Lyrics no longer help. His hand has dried by now, which means no more droplets to count. The boy releases a small sob, though he knows this won't help anything. Nothing helps anymore.

Soon he'll have to face it. Nothing ever stops the voices that play on repeat in his head when he's most vulnerable. They whisper sweet nothings to him. Most nights they catch him off guard and pull him down so deep that he's not quite sure how he'll ever get out. And even when he does take that last step up, he's never really the same.

The room is silent besides the boy's breathing. He chooses to focus on this small distraction as he tears open his eyes. Nothing forms in front of him, which fills his body with relief. His eyes drift down slowly. Suddenly the breathing comes to a stop. Panic fills his every bone as two orbs meet his own wide stare.

The figure closes in on him and usually he would've screamed by now, but now there's no parents here to save him. There's no one at all. Suddenly he realizes just how alone he really is.

What a laugh, he thinks, I can't even save me from myself.

The man before him claws at his skin, causing burns to rip through his entire body. He screams in agony, though now at least he has something to distract himself with. One burn, two burn, three burn-