Mesperyian

Hands off

I've been here before, I've seen this, heard this, smelled this atmosphere before. I dont find any pleasure in it other than the act of forgetting, I dont see myself doing what they do, dancing, laughing, singing, I cant do that it's not in me. I've tried, but I cant stomach the idea of being normal because I'm not.

I hold my beer close to my mouth and stop when I see the door swung open. Alpha, our president comes and sits in front of me smiling at me as if he had some secret he was keeping and it made him happy, how can they all feel that, the only feeling I have is this constant pressure on my chest that does not go away. This constant ache that makes it hard to breath, some call it pain, I call it life. Who ever told you life gets better has not lived. Life is just a big ball of pain that you get used to that you learn to live with that you are tought to hide. Because no one has to know what you go through, because they have there own problems. Alpha knows about my burdens, he knows what I've been through, he knows where I've been and he knows exactly how I got out. And he doesn't judge me for it.

He took me in 6 years ago. Showed me to defend myself, helped me in a way to be ok with everything. He said that I wont feel better until I forgive myself but there is nothing to forgive I did nothing wrong I took care of us I helped us get out of there and I made sure they never came back.

I put my beer down and look at him waiting for what ever it is he has to say.

"I got you something" I raise my eye brow at him. Alpha is a very muscular man, blond hair that he wears long on the top, long enough to reach his cheekbones he is 2 years older than me, olive tone skin he is of Italian heritage which give him that edge of cockiness. Strong jawline, and tattoos all over his body, well what I've seen of it. And God does he make them look heavenly. He has this aura this energy that can scar the shit out of anyone but around me, when it's just him and I, I see nothing of it. It's like his a totally different person.

"Ok maybe not something but some one." He says, his smile growing his eyes sparkling as he leans back on his seat. My leg starts to bounce my heart beats start to pick up. Finaly it's been 3 days sence I've had a new toy. I've been dying to have some fun.

"I see you like what you hear. How about you go get your equipment and meet me at the warehouse."

I try to act cool but who am I kidding I've been wanting this since the moment I was done with the last one. I could just kiss him right now, but I wont. I get up and head over to my room, the farthest door from the bar the long hall way dark no windows only a bulb every couple of steps, my rooms big enough to fit a double bed in the center of the wall right infront of the door one wide window over it a dresser to my right and another door to its left leading to a small bathroom. The walls are gray the sheets are black and theres little accents of dark blue here and there. I grab the black duffle bag under my bed change my outfit to something a little sexy. I like to toy with my work every once in a while, I let my hair down its ginger curls bounce naturally as I make my way to my truck. The guys see me coming and move out of my way I play with a blade in one hand and I'm sure I have an evil smirk on my face they know not to get in my way while I'm like this. They know my excitmen gets the best of me sometimes and I cant control myself.

I make it to the warehouse its located at some docks a light blue color nothing around but sea and old boats. One light hanging over the door, the first thing that catches my eyes is the amount of bikes around. Way to many to just be us. I get a bad feeling about this but I'm to excited to give it much thought I get out of my jeep tucking my knife in my boot and make my way inside my hand gripping my duffel bag making it hard to contain my exitment. I walk in and all eyes are on me. Some of the guys say hi but they know better then to expect a response. Alpha is in a corner whispering with some other guys I make my way to the table and drop my bag signaling my arrival. Alpha turns and smiles at me.