Mesperyian

Accepting Together

    Here is another one! I honestly loved this chapter hopefully you guys do aswell, thank you guys so much for reading. Enjoy!

   I had successfully moved out of the clubhouse with Lana's help, she help me find a house not to far away from the club but far enough.

I have been staying here for 2 night alone. And the first night was ok but now I'm just lonely again. It's a back and forth type of situation I take one step foward and two steps back, it's got my head spinning most of the time. When I actually care about it but that's not very often. I'm 8 months along now and the doctor says everything seems perfectly fine.

I haven't seen Kevin in more than a month, before I moved out he had gone out on a job and I heard he came back yesterday and I was gone by then. He called a couple of time and came by the house but I didn't open the door I ignored him and kept unpacking.

I want to be ready and be able to hold him all the time but i know it's not fair on him. For me to burden him with my troubles. I have been seeing a therapist he said it might be a good idea to think about baby names might help me accept that I was now at home and no longer in any danger. It took me a month.

But I came up with Kaedy Kamila meaning "pure spirit guide".

I'm currently sitting in an empty room. Its supposed to be the babys room it only has a grey crib and a rocking chair set up wich I'm using at the moment I want to be ready so badly its keeping me from actually doing anything its freaking me out so much that my heart might just give out.

I desire to go out for a walk and distract myself from my thoughts and maybe just forget about all the bad that's happend

I decide to text Vegas who is still hanging around keeping an eye on me, Lana left to get to know Jamie after I insisted that I would be perfectly fine, I have less than a month to go and what better way to get out of my head than to spend time with Vegas and maybe get some baby things.

Ally: Up for some shopping? I'll get you food.

Vegas: What type of shopping? And anything I want?

That's Vegas for you making sure his not being fooled.

Ally: Yeah anything you want.
          Baby shopping.

Vegas: OMW

    While waiting for Vegas to arrive I decided to get dressed and grab my things. Once he arrive I got in the car and we were on our way.

"I don't know if I can do this." I confess looking out the window.
I get no reply back but I know his listening. "Its like I'm fighting myself on this decision. Trying to convince myself that its the right thing to do or that I can do this."

I look at him and see him frowning at the road ahead of him, he takes a peek at me through the corner of his eyes and sights heavily.

"I'm sure all mothers go through this. Maybe not as bad as you but to be fair its a new live you're creating, you have all these mixed feeling about if your gonna do good or if your good enough for the baby that you forget that there will never be anyone better. Or that no matter what you do you will always be a superhero in her eyes. So yeah your gonna feel wierd about it. Your gonna feel pressure but it will all go away once the baby is born."

The rest of the car ride is silent I space out thinking about what he said hoping that in someway he is right because if I cant get myself together  then I dont know if I'll be ok with keeping her.

After a couple of hours at the mall we have bought all of the important. We have some dinner and then head home to try and get everything in its rightful place. While doing so I get a call from Lana and we chatted for a while my phone on speaker the whole time Vegas commented every now and then but I didnt miss the smile that appeared on his face as soon as he heard her talk. I'm so shipping it, he would be so perfect for her.