Mesperyian

Easy way out

 

I'm sure I've been here more then a month, I dont know where here is but I've been counting the days, they let me go outside once a day, it's been 20 days since the started letting me out but I dont know how long I was in there before.

It's like a scary/sad scene on repeat everyday is the same thing I stoped fighting he stoped tying me but I still get beatings, I still get raped, I dont get much food and I get to shower once a week, but I still have hope.

It's really stupid I know but if some one were to find me it would be Alpha, now my fear is that he still doesn't know, that Jamie never told him and he is still only trying to call me unless he gave up on that, I never told him where I was so there is no way for him to show up at my brothers MC to see if I'm doing ok.

By now Lana should have packed all her things and moved to Canada like we planned. She was to leave if I was ever gone for more then a week with no communication. She was to drain my banck account, erase all evidence of me and her and start a new live away from here. Or there I'm still not really sure, but the point was to get away from this, I know if she put her mind to it she could find me but I didnt want her to. I dont want her to put herself at risk just to get me out of here.

It's not fair on her.

But you want Alpha to do it, to risk himself to safe you? Worthless little you? Come on he didnt want you before why would he want you now?

Fuck, I need to find a way out, no one is coming for me I need to leave or die but I cant keep living like this, letting them do this to me.

There you go, now we're getting somewhere.

But if I leave his gonna keep coming for me, his gonna keep finding me, and his gonna bring me back. I dont want to come back. Theres only one way out of this.

And I'm gonna take it.

I just have to wait till shower day, and them it will all be over.

Three hole days, I've been planing this for three hole days. And its finally here, my way out. Shower day.

What's so special about shower day?
I get to be alone for 30 minutes there are no interruptions, they give me some sense of privacy so i can shave and take care of my self at first they didnt but Reaper didnt like that they were seeing me in compromising positions and orderd them to leave me alone. So here I am sitting in a bathtub ready to take care of myself.

I had broken down my raisor and am currently holding the blade to my arm. I know that the moment I make the first cut is the moment I accept defeat, the moment I give up hope, but was there ever really hope, was there ever really someone coming, or even looking? I still have no idea how I got here or where here is but in some sense I had believed that Jamie wouldnt give up.

But why would he look when he still had Cain to save. Oooh God Cain, I hope he was released. Another reason to go through with this, another person I let down, another innocent bystander who got dragged in to this because of me.

I dig the blade in my wrist and wince at the sting that I feel but it quickly goes away, I start to drag my hand up my arm.

The longer the better.

I tell my self while slowly dragging my hand up then I stop and pull it out. I can feel a slight pain that I'm guessing my adrenaline is covering up. I watch the blood flow in the tub for a second the do the same with my other arm, with shaky hands, slightly sloppier but I do it and smile, finaly i get to let go, finally I'll be free.

I drop the blade and lay my head back feeling relaxed and happy. I can feel myself slowly fading into darkness and close my eyes. As soon as they are closed I start to here gunshot and screaming, I can hear yelling but I dont care, I'm finally free, I can finally get away from him.