Fire and Ice

Chapter 18

*warning: sensitive content will be addressed in this chapter*

Alyssa

My brain died. My heart soon followed, along with my lungs. I was a corpse sitting in a fancy ass restaurant.

"What?" I squeaked.

"The 'effect' you're talking about is your body telling you that you have a crush." Myla grinned. "Oh, we could go on double dates! That'll be so fun!"

"Myla!" I spluttered. "I- I can't like him! No, he's- he's just- no! Dude!"

"Hey, I don't blame you, babe. He's a smoking hot steak. You like steak." Myla winked.

I could feel my face heating up in a deep blush. "Myla!" I covered my face. "How do I undo this? What do I do?"

"You can't just undo a crush, Alyssa. You're liking that nice specimen. Hello? He has saved you twice now, he's training you. It's all coming together. Live it out, girl."

I peeked out at her through my fingers. "I can't like Kaden Wolfe in that way, Myla. I can't. And it feels like I'm being shallow. I don't even know him that well."

Myla snorted. "You're not deeply in love and proposing to him. Relax. You've had crushes before."

"Yes, I meant to have those crushes. And they weren't dudes like Kaden Wolfe!" I laid my arms over my head. "Shoot me in the forehead please. I'm training with him. I can't like him, I won't be able to focus."

"You survived last night, apparently." Myla pointed out. "Deep breaths, Alyssa. I've never seen you react like this with a crush."

I took a deep breath. I was freaked out because any previous crushes I had, I just felt that little girlish feeling of 'oh, he's cute, oh he likes chocolate, I like chocolate!' But this... it felt entirely different. Almost a... scary different.

"Relax, Alyssa. We don't have to think about him tonight, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay. So, Michigan. How was it?"

* * *

After watching a few Disney movies at Myla's house with her twin brothers, we made some cupcakes and then I finally went home.

By the time I entered the silent, empty house, it was well past midnight. I tiptoed into the kitchen to put my leftover food in the fridge. I spotted a rough note scrawled onto a paper plate.

"I'm gone for a few days. Keep the house clean, don't mess around"- Mom.

I frowned. She hadn't disappeared like this in at least a year. I shoved my food into the fridge. At least she took the old car instead of mine.

I wandered into the living room and sat on the couch in the dark silence.

Memories surfaced as I sat there and I closed my eyes. There was a time when my mother cared. When she loved me. I was just little.

We would make brownies and sit on the floor in here and play Monopoly. At the time I didn't actually know how the game worked, but Mom allowed me to become the richest one, raining the colorful money down on me. I was a precious princess. I was everything, I was special.

Then one day, Mom put the game away. Never to be pulled out again. She stopped making paper flowers with me, she stopped smiling at me.

"I love you" was replaced by "I don't care". "Come here, my little girl" turned into "go away, you're not worth my time".

When I was ten years old, Mom discovered that alcohol was her new best friend. When I was no longer the most important thing.

That was when I shut myself away. I lost my voice. I lost my colors.

I was a silent, grey girl for years. When I was fifteen... I broke.

Myla noticed my constant silence, my blank expression, dark eyes. She tried talking to me, being with me. I shut her out.

I cried so many times, I ran out of tears. I felt empty. I didn't want my life to continue. I didn't feel worth it.

My mother's kitchen knife was in my hand as I sat at this very couch, while she disappeared, just like this. I began using the knife on my side, just beginning to carve myself and end it all.

Then Myla called. I ignored it. She called again. And again.

Until I finally answered. She barely said one word when I broke down. Spluttering nonsense as I collapsed from my injury. Struggling to stay awake.

I had begged her that night. "Save me, Myla. Please help me. I can't do this anymore. Save me."

Myla was there for me in moments. She took me to the hospital. I was treated, stitched up. Many tears were shed that night between us.

Myla was the only one who knew that I tried taking my own life. No one else knew. Not even my mother. I never wanted her to know how much she was able to effect me.

I lightly touched my scar now, and a single tear slipped free. I remembered tonight. The joy I felt. The freedom I felt. All the wonderful things I experienced because I was alive. Because I was living for myself, and no one else.

That was the real Alyssa Crane. A light, happy girl, that was once broken, that still rememered her pain, but lived in the light. And prospered.

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*Important: suicide is never the answer. There is still light and beauty in the world. So much to see, learn, and embrace. You're never alone 💗*
Vote if you like it. Hope you enjoyed. I know this chapter was a bit dark, but it was needed. Thanks for reading (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)