Cold Hard Courage

[14] - Crashing

[Beatrice Eaton]

I close my eyes. I can't look at my husband, the love of my life, lying helplessly on that table, open and exposed. I can't watch him lay there in pain. I won't. I listen to the metallic clink of the pellets against the metal basin. I count them just like I did with Zeke.

Eight.
"Forceps."
Nine.
"Suction."
Ten.
"Ten Blade."
Eleven.

"Uh, Doctor Smith, his B.P. is dropping." Someone says.

I open my eyes, standing up straight. I look at the monitor.

" Okay, everyone, we're going to have to work a little harder. We need to speed things up a little bit. " David says. " Jameson, hang another bag. "

I watch as Mark Jameson hangs another bag of blood. That has to work. He has to get better.

"It didn't work, Doctor. He--Oh, shit. V-Fib. We're losing him."

Suddenly, the energy in the air is electrically charged. It's tense and suddenly, people are dropping whatever they're doing and reach for the crash cart.

" What's happening? " I ask.

No one answers my question.

" Hello? Chief Williams? What's going in? " I ask.

But he doesn't hear me. I no know the pain Tobias went through during my delivery. When I crashed. When he almost lost me.

" No. No, no. Come on, Tobias. Wake up, man. " David says.

Justin removes all the instruments he was using and starts chest compressions.

" Tobias, wake up! " He shouts.

He turns his head.

" Get me the paddles. " He says.

I shake my head.

" You have to wake him up. " I say.

He turns his head.

"Charge to 150."

He looks at me.

" Please, " I beg. " You have to wake him up. "

David nods.

"CLEAR!"

Tobias' body jumps with electricity. But nothing changes. He flatlines.

" What do you think I'm trying to do, Tris? " David asks.

I shake my head, clenching my fists.

" Please, David. " I beg.

"Charge to 200."

Tears start to stream down my cheeks.

"CLEAR!"

The second shock does nothing.

" I'm trying, Tris. I'm really trying. " He says.

More tears stream down my cheeks.

" I can't lose him. Not again. " I say.

He nods.

"Come on, Tobias. Charge to 250."

I watch as Justin finishes removing the pellets and closes him up. He starts compressions until he is asked to stop so they can shock him.

"CLEAR!"
"CLEAR!"
"CLEAR!"
"CLEAR!"

I count until they get to six shocks. I back up against the wall and slide down onto my butt. I start to cry, shaking my head. I'm losing him. A sound echoes in my ears and at first, I believe it's just the flatline of the monitor but I soon realize it's my screaming. He's gone. I'm gonna lose him. I can't lose him. This is too much to handle. Please, God. Please. Just please give me back my husband. Hands land on my arms, pulling me back to reality.

" Tris! " David exclaims, squeezing my arms. " We got him back. He's okay. "

I look up at the monitor, spotting a stable rhythm. I stand, approaching him.

" Thank you. " I say.

Chief Williams looks up at me.

" Tris, how about you go home and get Graham? That way he's here when Tobias wakes up. " He says.

I nod. I leave the O.R, washing my hands. I remove my mark and scrub cap and find Christina.

" I'm gonna go home and get Graham. " I say. " I'll see you later, okay? "

She nods. I grab my jacket and walk out to my car. Ever since Marcus died, my father retired. He didn't have a superior to report to and knew that this was a sign to retire. So, he and my mother have been taking care of Graham when I'm at work. I climb into my car and start it. I back out of my parking spot and start to drive home. I turn on the radio and try to stay calm. But nothing helps and I just start to laugh. I start to laugh out all the anger and sadness and fear and just let out all of my pent up emotions. By the time I get home, I feel calm. Relaxed. The most I ever have. I climb out of the car, walking up to the house. I open the door and step inside. I remove my jacket and my shoes. My mother approaches the front door.

" Hi, honey. " She says. " You're home early. "

I nod, smiling.

" Bryan sent me home to come and get Graham. " I say.

She cocks an eyebrow.

" Why? " She asks.

I approach her and Dad where he sits, holding Graham in his lap. I let her sit.

" I just got out of the craziest double surgery. " I say.

She gasps.

" Surgery? " She asks. " Honey, that's fantastic! "

I run a hand through my hair.

" Well, I'm not sure it is. " I say. " It was on Zeke and Tobias. "

They both go straight-faced.

" What? " My father asks. " But aren't they...? "

He can't even finish the question in fear of hurting me.

" No. They're not. Shauna and I... After the funeral, we had our suspicions about one of Zeke and Tobias' co-workers. He came back to work wearing his funeral clothes. But they were covered in blood. He said it was a bloody nose but the blood splatter didn't match. " I say.

I pull my hair out of my bun.

" Wait, what does that mean? " He asks.

I sigh.

" I contacted a CSI member and we worked together. The blood on his shirt matched. It was confirmed to be Tobias'. And then Tobias called them. But, he's been shot by a shotgun and nearly drowned. He's in surgery right now. Zeke is out of surgery and recovering. " I say. " Bryan wants me to bring Graham over so Tobias can see him. "

They nod.

" How is he? " My mother asks.

I sigh.

" He's good. It was good to see him again. " I say.

She nods, squeezing my hand.

" You go change and I'll get Graham changed into something warmer. " She says.

I nod.

" Tomorrow, can you guys come with me to see him? " I ask.

She nods.

" Of course, honey. " She says. " Anything you need. "