Cold Hard Courage

[16] - Waiting

[Beatrice Eaton]

The first 24 hours after surgery are crucial for proper recovery. The outcome of that recovery is completely dependent on how strictly you follow your specific regimen ordered by your doctors. Most patients who undergo anesthesia typically wake up after 45 minutes after going under the knife. Some, however, may take longer due to metabolism of the medication. Those patients may take a few hours to wake up after their surgeries. The first step to recovery is waking up. You have to be awake to recover—although, sleep is highly recommended, too. But, to learn the plan and start acting on it, you typically have to be awake. For Zeke, he woke up about 50 minutes after his procedure and began talking almost immediately after. His injury was very extensive seeing as most of the pellets were lodged into his liver—an extremely vital organ that the body needs in order to survive. So, his Regimen will most likely consist of bed rest, physical therapy, possible mental therapy, extensive check ups, and a possible liver transplant if his liver doesn't recover soon enough. In Tobias's case, his injuries were quite traumatic. The pellets punctured nearly everywhere in his abdomen. One burst his appendix and he had to have that removed. Another ripped his intestines open. Another grazed the aorta, which caused the sudden crash in surgery. The others followed suit and crashed in similar areas. His lungs filled with water and he nearly dry-drowned. The risk of infection is high as well as another cardiac problem. What I'm here to tell you about now is the fact that, it's been two and a half weeks since that night. And, although Zeke is almost eligible for discharge, Tobias never woke up.
     The doctors said this was a completely realistic problem to have. They said that he could just be recovering and could possible wake up any day now. But, they are sounding less and less hopeful as the days pass. He's hasn't responded to stimuli. The sternal rub, the thigh pinch, nail-bed pressure, nothing. They also say that he's still responsive to light stimuli in his pupils. They've tried multiple efforts to wake him up but nothing has worked so far. I just need him back. Two weeks of watching someone, waiting for them to die take a drastic toll on your mental health. I've started writing him letters. Even though he will probably never read them. Even though he will probably never wake up. Even though, what I really want to beg for sits in the deepest darkest pit of my soul.

     Dear Tobias,
You came home earlier today. And, I couldn't believe my eyes. I had been planning to find a way to bring you home myself but then the team found you. And, I couldn't be more happy. Graham will finally get to meet his father outside of the hospital. He'll finally be able to see the world how it was meant to be because you are his world. You're mine too. I'm glad you're home. I've missed you.
Yours forever,
Beatrice... (September 12, 2019)

Dear Tobias,
You had surgery yesterday... but you didn't wake up. The doctors say that it's just because you got a much larger dose of anesthesia to ensure you didn't wake up during the surgery but I can't help but feel that something is wrong. I need you here. Actually here. I'll be waiting. Always.
Yours forever,
Beatrice... (September 13, 2019)

Dear Tobias,
Michael and Peter are in the hospital. They're patients. It's all I can do to not go beg someone to give me access to the scalpel drawer and go nuts on them. Just five minutes in a locked room with them is all I'd need. Just five. No one messes with us. No one.
Yours forever,
Beatrice... (September 15, 2019)

Dear Tobias,
Yesterday marked one week since you had surgery. One week since you've been awake. You aren't waking up and it's scaring me. Did I push you too far? I drove you too far away and now you aren't coming back. I understand. I wouldn't want to come back either if I had a bitch wife who yelled about everything. I'm sorry.
Yours forever,
Beatrice... (September 20, 2019)

Dear Tobias,
Today marks two weeks since you went to sleep. And now, I'm angry at you. You left me to do this all on my own. You and I both know that I don't function well on my own. You were all of the color and sunshine and happy thoughts that my life had. When you left, you took them with you. I want them back. All I have left to give them back is Graham. But, I can't raise a baby all alone. It sucks. Without you, it sucks. Please, just wake up.
Yours forever,
Beatrice... (September 26, 2019)

Dear Tobias,
I don't know if you really can hear me when I talk to you, and I hope you can. I want you to know how angry and sad I am watching you decay like this. They had to put an NG tube up your nose the other day so you could get food and not starve to death here as you rot away. I want you back, now! You have to understand where I'm coming from...
Yours forever,
Beatrice... (September 30, 2019)

We made a promise to raise Graham together. As a team. But, so far, I've done it all myself. And it sucks. I want Tobias back. I need his help. I want my Husband home. I want the man I love back. And I don't think I'll ever get that back.

Tobias isn't waking up. They say that there's a chance he may never wake up.
He's taking his time, Tris. You know him. He always has be be dramatic.
What if he doesn't wake up, Zeke?
He will. He's just taking his time. I promise. He's gonna come home. He fought to hard to come up this short.