Cold Hard Courage

[24] - Pain

[Tobias Eaton]

I walk down the hall, hurt and rage flooding my mind as I approach the office. Beatrice enters behind me and I close the door.

"Where were you going to tell me?" I ask. "We made a promise to each other when we were dating that we weren't going to keep secrets and we weren't going to lie. What happened to that promise?"

Beatrice looks up at me, her eyes red and swollen and filled with tears.

"What, you think I didn't want to tell you? Tobias, I've had to lie to you for almost three months now. I've had to lie to myself for almost five months now. Tobias, when you woke up, I had to lie and tell you that I was strong and faced everything like a damned soldier when, in reality, for every second of every minute that you were gone I dreamt of diving back into that pool and finishing the deed. I held a funeral for you. I lowered an empty casket into the ground for you. Then, when I thought that there was even a remote chance that you were still alive, I conducted a mostly illegal investigation against the man trusted to find you. I tried so hard to stay positive but to the rest of Chicago, you were dead." She says.

I raise an eyebrow and step closer to her.

"When were you going to tell me?" I ask again.

She exhales, taking my hand in her own.

"Tobias, I wanted to tell you. But you had just gotten out of recovery and I didn't want to stress you out." She says, exhaling and lowering her voice. "This isn't how I wanted you to find out."

I raise both eyebrows now and smirk.

"How did you want me to find out?" I ask, trying to drop the anger now that she's explained the situation.

She shakes her head, wiping the tears away as they come.

"From me. I wanted you to hear it from me, not some jackass defense lawyer whose obviously done his homework. I made Shauna swear to secrecy until I could tell you. I'm sorry." She whispers, covering her face with her hands.

I reach up and remove her hand s from her face, making her look at me now.

"I'm your Husband, Beatrice. You can tell me anything." I say, kissing her forehead. "I love you."

She exhales a loud sob and clings to me, wrapping her arms tightly around me, burying her face in my chest.

"I love you too," She sobs. "I'm so sorry."

I remove her face from my chest, making her look up at me again. I cup her face with my hands, looking into her beautiful grey-blue eyes.

"Nothing you do could ever make me not love you. You are my whole world." I say, kissing her gently.

We embrace in each other's arms, comfortable now that the first of two waves of the truth has finally come to surface. We let go, linking our hands together as we exit the Judge's office. The halls are now lined with audience members from within the courtroom talking with other audience members. The hall, once filled with Loud laughing conversation, is now completely quiet. The only audible noise as Tris and I walk up the hall is the clicking of her heels against the tile. We enter the courtroom and approach Zeke and Shauna.

"Hey, are you two alright?" Zeke asks as Shauna redoes the Windsor knot in his tie.

Tris looks at our hands, then up at me. She is stunning, flawless peachy skin, soft Lucious rosy lips, long curled gorgeous honey blonde hair, and the most stunning grey-blue eyes. Stunning.

"Ah, we duked it out in the Judge's office but we're good now." Tris jokes, squeezing my hand.

After the last fight we had--the fight before Peter and Michael abducted me--we both finally understood that nothing is worth fighting over... You can be in a fight handheld a grudge and then suddenly, your mother half, the love of your life, is officially a missing person for the second time in their life.

"Good. God, do I hate that Russel guy. He throws low-blow after low-blow. I'm kinda terrified about what he's gonna do to us." Zeke says to me.

I nod, understanding his nerves.

"I'm almost positive that no one in here is a big fan of his except for Peter and Michael," I say.

Zeke laughs and nods as Shauna finishes his tie.

"I'm starving but also too nervous to eat," He says.

Tris's phone rings and she grabs it.

"It's my Mom. I'll be right back." She says and leaves.

Shauna follows her to keep company. It's just Zeke and I now.

"Did she really try to kill herself?" He asks.

I nod, exhaling slowly.

"Yeah. Said that everything was so hard to bear and that every day that we were gone, she thought of jumping back in that Pool and finishing the job." I say.

Zeke furrows his brows and exhales sharply.

"Shauna never said anything. I never even knew." He says.

I nod, looking back at the doors they left through, thinking of her drowning in that pool.

"She made Shauna swear to secrecy. Shauna's a good source of secrets. If you want something to die with her, it will." I say.

Beatrice returns and takes her seat. The door to the Judge's chambers opens and he exhales.

"Let's just get this damned trial over with already," He says, obviously annoyed.

Amar and Daren follow and return to their tables. I kiss Tris's hand and smile at her.

"You did good. I'll talk to you soon." I say.

She nods. Zeke and I return to our seats, eyebrows raised at our legal team.

"So? What happened?" I ask.

Amar has a comfortable grin on his face but Daren looks defeated as ever. Amar crosses his arms and smiles at us.

"Judge Clark threatened to suspend Russel's license if he doesn't stop with the attacks. Daren's scared shitless." He says.

Did you believe that at any point during your abduction that you were going to die?
Yes. Of course. I was nearly drowned in a bathtub filled with pig's blood and shot in the stomach by a saw-off at point-blank range.
Yes, but you survived, didn't you?
At what expense? I missed the first three months of my Son's life because I was either in a warehouse or in a coma. I got a transplant from my friend but now we both suffer the pain of transplant scarring. Surviving isn't always the best outcome.