Cold Hard Courage

[15] - Apology

[Beatrice Eaton]

I carry Graham in the carrier to the car. I buckle him in and start to drive back to the hospital. A weight has been lifted from my shoulders as I imagine raising my son with my husband by my side. As I imagine growing our family even further together now that Tobias is really here. Before we left, I changed out of my scrubs into a pair of leggings and one of Tobias' sweatshirts. I park next to Uriah's squad vehicle and grab Graham and his carrier. I walk inside, scared that Tobias is already out of recovery and awake. I walk past the Nurse's station to the ICU where Tobias and Zeke will reside for the next couple days before they go to the general recovery wing.

"Can I ask the progress of Tobias Eaton and Ezekial Pedrad?" I ask.

A scrub nurse nods, grabbing their charts. She opens the binders, looking down at the notes.

"Zeke woke up about 10 minutes ago with no complaints. He says he is feeling nauseous but we ruled that as possible signs of Anesthesia. But we will closely monitor him. Tobias was released from surgery about 15 minutes ago and hasn't woken up yet--Room 2143. " She says.

I nod.

" Thank you. " I say.

"Oh, Tris?" She asks.

I turn around, facing her.

" Yes, Danni? " I ask.

She looks down at her notebook, flipping through the pages.

" Dr. Smith has requested to speak with you. " She says.

I nod.

" Thanks for informing me. Can you let him know that I'll talk to him later? " I ask.

She nods.

" Of course, Tris. " She says.

I smile, nodding to her.

" Thanks. " I say.

I turn around and start to walk away towards the elevator to go see Tobias. I pass the E.R. Christina stops me.

" Tris, wait. " She says. " David wants to talk with you. "

I nod, looking down at Graham who sleeps in his carrier.

" So I've heard. " I say. " I can't. I have to take care of Graham and I want to check on Tobias. "

She sighs, grabbing my hand.

" He insists. I'll take Graham while you're gone, okay? " She asks.

I nod. I hand off the carrier to Christina and walk to the Nurse's station on the surgical floor. I approach the station, spotting him leaning against the peninsula.

" You requested to talk to me? " I ask.

He nods.

" You froze during surgery today. " He says without looking up. " If you're gonna be a Surgeon, you can't freeze. "

I cock an eyebrow, trying to process if he really just said that.

" Did you really just say that? Did you tell me not to freeze? " I ask. " David, my husband crashed on that table. "

He nods.

" That's a risk with every surgery. A very common complication. " He says. " You can't freeze when that happens. "

I shake my head.

" David, Tobias has had multiple surgeries in his life. When he was just over 18 years old, he had a procedure to remove three bullets from his leg and abdomen and close any wounds from the remaining four bullet holes. And last year he had a skin graft. Both of which, he didn't crash in. " I say.

He nods.

" I understand. But, you have to remember. He may have gone into shock. " He says.

I nod.

" I'll let you get back to Tobias. I look forward to doing Surgery with you in the near future. " He says.

He walks away and I hold my head in my hands.

"Tough day today?"

I turn around, spotting Michael laying in a bed in a room. Rage bubbles up in my chest.

" Can we talk? I really want to talk to someone. " He says.

I want to refuse, but I also want to give him Hell. I approach the door.

" What do you want? " I ask. " To lie to my face even more? "

He shakes.

" Tris, I didn't mean to lie to you. " He says. " I... I don't know what's wrong with me. "

I shake my head.

" You're lying. You're lying! " I exclaim. " You're lying straight to my face. You're hoping that I'll use pity and forgive you. That's not happening. "

He clenches his jaw.

" Tris, please-- " He starts.

" No, Michael! I trusted you. I begged you to find Tobias. I thought that you were friends. You told me that you'd find him. You promised. And little did I know that you knew where he was the whole time! How could you do it to me, Michael? " I ask.

Tears threaten to spill over and I start to cry. Justin runs in, grabbing me.

" Hey, calm down. Come with me. " He says.

I shake my head.

" Justin, I'm not going to date you. I'm married. With a baby! My husband is finally home. And I will never date you. " I say.

He backs away, leaving. I go to leave but I'm stopped by Michael.

" Tris, I-- I just wanted to apologize. For everything. I'm really sorry about everything I did. "

Tears trail down my cheeks.

" Michael, I'm gonna stop you right there. " I say. " You do not get to apologize and feel better. You do not get to start a clean slate. You shot my husband. You tried to drown my husband in a bathtub filled with blood and water. You kept secrets and lied. You tried to cover your tracks. So no, Michael, you do not get to apologize. Tobias died on that operating table. We had to shock his heart back to life because of blood loss because of you. I lost track of how many shocks they did after six because I was too busy fearing that I would once again be a single mother grieving over the loss of her husband. I want nothing to do with you or your family. So stay away from mine. "

I leave the room, wiping my tears. I need to go see Tobias.

Riptide.
What?
Riptide. That's Graham's favorite song.
How did you know that?
You told me when we fought that you wanted me to get to know him. So, I came into the NICU and learned things about him. Riptide is his favorite song. He also has ticklish feet.