Perrie's Dilemma

Chapter 32

A few weeks had gone by and I havent left the house or my room for that matter apart from every other day when I went to the shop and get alcohol. I know I shouldnt be doing it but I cant stand the pain of being without Jade I cant get her out of my mind and I cant take it anymore I dont know what to do with myself. Ive hardly eaten I just cant face it there always seems to be a lump in my throat that stops me from eating. My mum has found out i'm drinking again shes tried to stop me and I could tell its tearing her apart but I dont care I just want the pain to stop.

All I seem to be doing is crying and drinking crying more drinking crying sleeping crying drinking and so on. I havent spoken to anyone since I got here all I want to do it crawl in a corner and die. When I met Jade I never had a reason to be alive and she came alone and she became my reason and now shes gone and now I have no reason to live. I still cant understand why she would say all that stuff that shes in love with me etc and then leave with just a stupid letter and no reasons, who does that. A part of me is worried because I know Jack has escaped and what if hes got Jade and no one knows what if he kills her or rapes her again etc I promised her I would protect her and I've broken that promise.

Like I have done every day for the past few weeks or so I would look through pictures of me and Jade and texts we would send to each other. It would push the daggers deeper into my heart but I couldnt help it I was like a moth to a flame. I went to take another sip of vodka and realised it was empty,I sighed and put joggers and hoodie on not caring how rough I looked and staggerred to the shop, If they sell my more alcohol I would be shocked. As I walked to the shop I saw Katherine and I dont know if it was because I was drunk or angry upset or all of them but I stormed over to her.

"OI YOU" I shouted causing her to turn round.

"Perrie" she looked quite shocked and scared.

I walked up to her and punched her straigh in the face, she fell to the ground and I sat on her punching her again.

"WHERE IS HE"

"w-who"

"JACK"

"I dont know"

"BULLSHIT"

"Perrie get off me" she said I stood up and waited for her to stand up and then I pushed her into the wall.

"WHERE IS HE"

"I told you I dont know, why are you bothered where he is"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHY, JADE WAS THE GIRL HE RAPED AND SHE WAS MY GIRLFRIEND HE ESCAPESD AND SHES GONE SO TELL ME WHERE HE IS AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF HE HAS HURT HER YOUR ALL GONNA PAY"

"Perrie I seriously dont know where he is, all we know is he escaped after what he did hes no brother of mine if I hear anything I'll let you know"

"fine but if I find out your lying your dead" I turned around and walked away. I went to the shop got the drinks and went straight home. Its only been just over a week since Jade left but it feels like months.

I got home and went straight to my room and put a film on and got in bed and opened the vodka and started drinking it. Half way through the film there was a knock on the door.

"mum go away" I slurred and took another sip of the vodka at which point the door opened and Leigh-Anne came running to me and pulled the bottle out my hand.

"hey I -I was d-drinking that"

"what the hell Perrie" she said looking around the room at the empty bottles.

"w-w-what are you -e-erm doing here"

"you mum called me, shes so worried about you Pez she said you havent left the house in a over a week and have hardly eaten, talk to me Perrie" She said as she sat on the bed looking at me. I couldnt say anything I just cried. She pulled me into a hug and we stayed like that for a while, its amazing how Leigh-Anne always manages to calm me down.

"what you doing here I thought you went away with Zayn"

"yeah we came back yesterday and I had miss calls from your mum so I rang her back and she told me whats been going on and I came straight here"

"you didnt have to"

"yes I did I love you Perrie and you need me" She said grabbing my hand when I saw a ring on her finger.

"whats that" I asked pointing to her finger.

"Zayn asked me to marry him, I wasnt going to tell you right now I was meant to take it off so you wouldnt notice"

"hey dont be silly I'm so happy for you two" I said and I actually meant it I will always love Leigh-Anne but Jade is the one.

"anyway stop changing the subject, whats going on Perrie why are you doing this" she said pointing to the bottles.

"I cant take it anymore Leigh I miss Jade so much and its killing me I cant understand why she did it I thought she loved me and now I found out something that makes everything 100 times worse"

"what you mean"

"I cant tell you its not my place to say"

"okay but listen, Jade wouldnt do this for no reason what the reason is we dont know, but Jade has gone and you need to accept that she may come back she may not but you cant start this again you've come so far and you know full well that Jade would hate it if she knew you started drinking again if your not gonna do it for yourself do it for Jade"

" what reason could she possible have for leaving me and she wouldnt care coz if she did she wouldnt have left"

"trust me i've known Jade for a long time and I've never seen her the way she was when she was with you, she was so happy and in love and I saw the way she would look at you its like the way I look at Zayn and thats true love, so i'm sure she had a good reason for going"

I took in everything Leigh-Anne was saying and It all made sense but I cant move on and accept it all I want is Jade and if I cant have her I dont want anything, I feel lost without her.

"but Pez you need to at least stop drinking its killing your mum you should have heard her on the phone shes beside herself, she doesnt know what to do with you and shes terrified you need to speak to her" I didnt realise how badly this would have affected my mum.

"Okay I will, when are you going"

"i'm not, not yet anyway i'm staying for a bit untill I know your going to be okay"

"no its fine i'm be fine go be with Zayn"

"Perrie i'm staying Zayn wants me to anyway he said he will come and visit so i'm not taking a no for a answer"

"fine" I half smiled leaning back into her.

We carried on talking for a while she was telling me all about her holiday with Zayn and that they might move to America in the future. Seeing how happy she is made me happy for her but also broke my heart because I want that with Jade and thats never going to happen.

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Hope you like it so far don't worry It won't all be doom and gloom I promise just stay tuned haha thanks again for reading it means a lot

Love y'all