Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me... I have my friends back and it made me happy for a bit, but now? I don't know... I feel like I don't have anyone... I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake... I sometimes wonder if I would've been better off not coming back... I don't know what's wrong with me... I try to look on the bright side of things but... I can't do it... It's just like all this is a dream... A new way to numb the pain... I don't talk to anyone like I used to out of fear... I don't want them to get too close... I don't wanna hurt them anymore... Sometimes I think about leaving... Sending a goodbye message... Waiting until I'm better and not so depressed... I'm always stuck in my head and I don't like it... I don't talk to anyone in real life because I'm scared of what they will think... So I close myself off and act happy... I'm fucked up and it only makes things worse for me... I wanna push everyone away... I don't wanna do anything to fuck up... I'm living in a constant fear of losing them... Of losing myself again... I can't do that again... These demons are eating at me... All the guilt I still carry... The fear... Wanting to be alone... All of it... It scares me that I may lose this war against myself again... I just don't know what to do... I don't wanna put any stress on my friends... But I also don't wanna walk away for my own selfish reasons... I feel stuck... Do I hurt myself?... Or do I hurt the ones who care the most?... The answer should be obvious to me... And maybe deep down I know what's right... I just don't know anymore... I want out... I want all of this shit to just go away... I wish I didn't have to deal with it... I wish I wasn't sad all the damn time... I wish I could just say the truth and not hide it...
