Love O2O (Onscreen 2 Offscreen)

Chapter 19

Lately I haven't been feeling so good.

Call it instinct. Call it paranoia. It's just that ever since we came back from Beijing after her birthday, things became a little strange. A familiar feeling begins to creep up on me.

She's becoming distant. Again.

"Shuang."

She looks up in surprise. Her eyes widen as she sees me. She pulls me quickly into a secluded alley. "What are you doing here?" She asks in a whisper.

"What's wrong, Shuang?" I ask. I really want to know what's happening to us.

She sighs. I know that one. It's the one she does whenever she doesn't know what to say or do. "Yang... "

"Is it the proposal?" It must be. "I'm not pressuring you, Shuang. We can have a long engagement if you- "

"Are you sure it's what you want, Yang?"

How can she ask me that? "Of course, I'm sure."

She remains silent. I notice her eyes. They're full of anxiety.

"Did something happen?" I'm suddenly feeling anxious.

She looks down on her feet, avoiding my gaze. "But you're on your peak now, Yang. Your dream... you can reach it now."

She speaks softly, as if telling those words to herself.

"Marrying me... aren't you afraid to lose it all?"

Though her eyes are dry, I can sense the tears from her voice. I reach for her chin and tilt her head up so she can look into my eyes.

"What do you know about my dreams, Shuang?"

She tries to avoid my gaze but I won't let her.

"Do you know what my dream is?"

She smiles a little as she speaks. "You want to become the biggest star in China. You want to star with Jacky Chan and be recognized as an International star. That's what you told me when we were in Dubai, right?"

That was then.

"You're right. That was my dream."

I reach for her hair and gently carress its strands.

"But it changed when I fell in love with you."

I feel a sudden rush inside of me. I never realized until now, just how much love I have for this girl standing in front of me.

"Now my dream is to hold your hand without worrying that someone might photograph us."

I clasp her soft hand and let it linger on mine.

"To be able to say sweet words to you without fear that people might misunderstand and bash you."

I raise her hand to my lips.

"To be able to hold you in public without hesitation, without pretention."

I wrap my arms around her, tight and unyielding.

"To make you feel secured so you won't need to wear a mask or hide from people whenever we're together."

I wipe the tear that rolls down her cheek.

"But what I dream of the most is to be able to wake up and see your sleeping face next to mine, to be able to gaze at your beauty for as long as I can and be thankful for another day I'm being given to love you more."

I lift her face close to mine and as our lips intertwine, I feel my own tears escaping, drenching our faces.

It's true that I once dreamt of fame and success.

But all that's changed.

Now all I dream of is marrying this woman I'm holding in my arms at this very moment...

... and giving her all the love and happiness she deserves because she fulfilled another one of my dreams before.

When she gave me a chance to love her once more.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I smile at him. He sighs and continue to set the VCR. He knows me too well. He knows that when I want to do something, nothing can stop me.

"Hao de. If that's the case, I have no choice but to help you." He gives out an exasperated breath.

"Shi shi ni. I knew I can count on you." I lean my head on his and smile sweetly at him.

"This is nothing. I have no filming anyway but Xiao Shuang... " He pauses as he looks at the list. "These are all your friends."

I look at the list. "What's wrong with that, Tianyu?"

"Won't his fans wonder why his birthday VCR greetings are all from your circle of friends?"

I ponder for a moment. "But the two of you are friends, right? And my friends are his friends too."

"We are friends in private but we've only been seen on one occasion. We didn't have any projects together. We only became friends because of you."

His words make me think for a moment.

"But you guys are quite close now and not all showbiz friendships are publicized."

It's true. Yang Zi and I go out once in awhile but we don't post photos of us online.

"Hao de. Maybe I'm acceptable." He admits. "But what about Liu Tao? Wei Chen? Huang Xiao Ming? These are all people unrelated to him and closely connected to you." He knits his brows. "Are you sure you don't have an agenda?"

"Agenda?"

"Are you sure this is just an innocent VCR greeting or are you trying to stake your claim on him?"

Is he saying that I...

"It's the latter, right?" He smiles smugly.

Damn you, Tianyu. You know me too well.

"Okay. Maybe I want to hint something." I purse my lips as it pains me to admit that I've been caught. "But I also want to let him know that my friends recognize him as an important aspect of my life."

Selfish as it may sound, I want him to feel a connection with my circle of friends.

"Hao de. At least you admit it." He says as he adjusts the camera setting. "So why were you avoiding him these past few days?"

"How did you know?" Tianyu and I barely talked the past couple of days.

"Well, my good friend called me and asked why you were always so busy, too busy to return his messages and calls. You did the exact same thing when you avoided him before."

"I was supposed to avoid him..."

He looks at me curiously. "So what made you change your mind?"

An image of him standing in the alley flashes on my mind.

"I realized that avoiding him is just an easy way to escape our issues. Just like putting on band aid on a wound. I just covered it without cleaning and disinfecting it."

The feel of his tears rolling down our cheeks still stings on mine.

"I can't just keep running away from our problems. He wants to face them head on. Why shouldn't I?"

His face softens. He pulls me close to him and envelopes me into a hug.

"You've endured so much, Xiao Shuang. I'm so happy to see you've finally decided to give your heart a chance."

I smile as I touch the ring hanging in front of my chest.

Yes, maybe avoiding him will help retain his fame and success.

But doing so will also take away his happiness.

If avoiding him means I'm being selfless...

... then I'd rather be selfish and give him his happiness.