For the One I Love || Hanji x Female Reader

Chapter Ten: Complicated

It was as if time froze for me, and I could only look down on the floor a few seconds after hearing what Hanji said. My hands, which were at my sides, shook lightly, and my feet wouldn't move despite my efforts. I swallowed nervously before managing to say, "Oh."

'What kind of lame comeback is that?' I thought to myself immediately after, mentally shaking my head.

Hanji turned a bit to face me and lowly whispered, "Oh? Is that it?"

For some reason, I got the feeling that it was somehow against their will, or that maybe Hanji was fighting some sort of internal battle, as I was at the moment. My tears threatened to fall, but I refused to do so while in their presence.

Instead, I managed to give them a fake smile as I said, "Don't worry about it. I completely understand. It's inappropriate for a cadet to be in any relationship with a superior."

'What the hell am I saying?' a tiny voice in my head said, and I knew that I had to leave the room immediately, otherwise I wouldn't be able to keep up with my pretense.

Hanji stiffened for a moment, before turning to fully face me. The expression theu wore was one I've never seen before. They looked as though they were conflicted, which was new since Hanji always had a gleeful smile on their face. It was as if I'm looking at a different person altogether.

I kept the smile plastered on my face, though my hands were in fists behind my back to hide my shaking from them. It took everything I had to face them like that - as if I had no problem with what they just admitted.

They then did something that I hadn't expected them to do - Hanji held out their balled up hand to me, and once they opened their fingers, I realized that Hanji was holding a dainty necklace with a small blue diamond pendant.

"I...don't understand this at all," I told them in almost a whisper, my bravado slowly fading. My smile was shaky, and I had to blink my eyes several times just to keep my tears at bay.

At this, Hanji smiled softly at me as they said, "I'm not denying the fact that you looked stunning last night, [Y/N]. And I.." they stopped to clear their throat before continuing, "...thought that this would suit you."

I could only stare at them, and at the necklace in their hand. It took me a few seconds before I was able to say as I shook my head, "I don't think I can accept something like that. That must've been expensive!"

"It's for you, [Y/N], please accept it. But if you don't want to, I can just throw it away," Hanji insisted as they walked towards me and stopped when they were behind me.

Before I could even say something, I felt Hanji's arms go around me, as they put on the necklace for me. Hanji then whispered in my ear, "As I thought, it does suit you."

I looked down on the elegant pendant that lay on my chest, just a little below my collarbones, and helplessly said as a teardrop ran down my cheek, "Please don't do this to me."

Hanji's eyes widened in surprise at this, but I continued, "You can't tell me that you regret what happened last night, after everything that has happened, and then give me something like this. You can't keep saying one thing yet do another."

I took a deep breath as an attempt to stop my tears, but I was beyond help. They flowed down in succession, and I hastily wiped them with the back of my hand. Hanji, on the other hand, had walked over by the window once more, with their back to me.

"Think of it as my first...and maybe my last gift to you, [Y/N]," Hanji said as they lowered their gaze.

I steeled my nerves one last time, to at least preserve even a scrap of my dignity, and said, "In that case, I accept, Squad Leader Hanji. See you around."

And then I left the room, practically running, leaving Hanji alone with their thoughts.

_

I managed to find an empty room inside the headquarters while the others were having their meal, so no one was able to see me sneak in. The room was similar to the ones where we sleep, though dust had collected over time from neglect.

I lightly touched the pendant of the necklace Hanji gave me, and it was as if a dam burst from inside me, and my tears flowed uncontrollably, despite my best efforts to stop it. It took me half an hour before I was able to calm down, and I avoided going out of the room immediately since my eyes were still red from crying.

After making sure that I looked decent enough, I slowly opened the door and took a peek outside to see if anyone was nearby. Good thing the hallway was deserted, and I sprinted out and headed to the common room, where Sasha and the others usually hung out during their free time.

Sasha saw me first, and she practically ran over to where I was and hugged me tightly, as the others stood up with smiles on their faces.

"What happened? You must tell us-" Sasha started to say excitedly until she took a good look on my face and noticed that my eyes were slightly red and swollen.

"[Y/N]? Did you happen to be crying?" Christa asked in her angelic voice, her worry etched on her face.

I felt the tears come back in full force. I bit my lower lip to keep myself from crying and broke down again when the other cadets pulled her into a hug.

"Tell us everything," Mikasa said in a stern tone, and I could only nod.

_

"My mind can't take this! Just what does that even mean?" Connie exclaimed as he clutched his head in exaggeration, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"That's like, giving off two different signals at once!" Sasha added, and the others agreed with her.

Armin looked like he was thinking hard before saying, "Maybe they're being held back by something?"

That made us all quiet, and I decided to break it by saying, "I don't think so, but I'm alright with this set-up. It may be for the best, after all."

They didn't look convinced at all.

"I mean, in our world that's overridden with titans, falling in love is of no use, right?" I hastily added with a small smile.

At first, everyone was silent, until Jean said, "You're right. In every expedition, there's a high chance that we get killed."

Everyone, including me, looked at him in awe. It was rare for him to look serious - or to say something in a serious manner altogether.

We were immensely proud of him.

"For once something sensible came out of your mouth!" Connie teased, and as if on cue, Jean reddened as he shot back, "What is that supposed to mean?"

We all laughed at their display, and for once, I was just glad that everything was back to normal again.

_

The night arrived soon after, and I was restless in my bed. I glanced over at Sasha to see if she was still awake, but her loud snores confirmed it for me. I took a deep breath as a stood up and covered myself with a cloak before softly padding out of the room.

The corridors were dark, and I lightly traced the walls to guide me out of the headquarters. There was only one place I could go to at times like this - the small clearing near the middle of the woods.

Once I got there, I sat down on a patch of grass and looked up at the full moon as I absentmindedly touched the pendant of the necklace around my neck. The sound from the nearby waterfall effectively calmed my nerves, but my mind wandered still.

I didn't realize that my eyes were starting to close before I completely fell asleep just moments later.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE]

Hello! I'm terribly sorry about the late update, but I hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please do tell me what you think of it!

P.S. It's my birthday today, so consider this as my gift to you guys! :)