𝕷𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖘 𝖀𝖕 - 𝐻𝑎𝑟𝑟𝑦 𝑆𝑡𝑦𝑙𝑒𝑠

Chapter 7: anxiety

Hi would you mind to vote for this chapter if you're enjoying the book? Just a reminder!

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🌼✨🌙𝑫𝒂𝒏𝒂 𝑱𝒂𝒄𝒐𝒃𝒔🌼✨🌙

We walked through the entrance of the hotel and got to the desk. Harry was the first to speak after greetings were exchanged between us and the receptionist. I was caught up in the delicate way he spoke, his British accent just a bit more British than most people from the UK. I tried not to watch his lips too much but couldn't help myself to glance at his perfect face. Bright green eyes, few stubbles at his chin and right above his upper lip got my attention.

I could not quite understand the fact that I had been kissing him, or even, that I had shared the bed with him. He was perfect in many ways, but the past few days I had had a lot of time to think. I felt like everything had happened at an accelerated rate, it felt unnatural and if I really thought about it. I did not actually feel like I knew him. I knew few facts about him, I knew his face, I knew his lips and his abs, his chest and hair.

However, I did not so much know his feelings nor his thoughts. To be able to be with someone, lover or friend, I had to know their thoughts and feelings, be close enough to be able to communicate without words. I did not have this with Harry.

Of course he is nice, treats me right and he is fun to be around, but what do I know about his past, family even, does he have siblings? Where is he from? So many unanswered and unasked questions. I felt the mysteries flooding my brains like together they formed some type of toxic substance, taking over my brain.

The toxicity felt so familiar yet so strange. It had been so long since it had taken over my mind. The more thoughts intruded my brain, the more my head started spinning and it did indeed not take long before the anxiety took over my brain, then slowly my hands started shaking, the world around me started spinning, my breath picked up and I felt the muscles in my legs building up pressure.

I physically felt my heart rate increasing and while more anxious questions made their way into my intoxicated mind I felt my body starting to be taken over by the fear and worry that was imprinted in my head. I had been able to store it away in an old box in the back of my head. But it seemed that it had become alive again, crawled out of the box and started to slowly take me over again. I was at the point where panic took over and just as I saw Harry turn around to look at me - while he was still speaking to the receptionist, leaving our details and receiving our room key - I saw his happy face turning into a worried one, furrowed eyebrows and dark eyes, before I felt my body shutting down completely

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When I slowly came back to senses, I could see nothing but darkness. Before I knew it panic flooded into my mind yet again. I remembered the anxiety attack and no matter how hard I tried to open my eyes, I couldn't see anything. I tried to speak, and as soon as I realized I was not able to, I tried to scream. I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. I tried screaming my lungs out until I realized I couldn't scream, but was out of breath anyway, as if someone had placed a brick wall on my chest, suppressing my lungs and heart. Making it impossible for me to intake oxygen for my vital purposes.

Realization of this suffocation I felt, made it harder to feel anything. I felt my mind and body shutting down again before suddenly my eyes shot open and I sat up. I gasped for air as if I had been pushed under water to be drowned. The room around me was spinning. I screamed, I was shaking and needed something to reset my mind.

It had been years since my mind had given up on me like this and I didn't know what to do. When I finally thought it was over, the anxiety attacks came back. I gasped for air once more before I realized that someone had been trying to calm me down from the moment I had opened my eyes and gasped for air.

"Dana, Dana" He spoke softly, rubbing my shoulders just as delicate with one hand and caressing my hair with his other, also keeping it out of my face. "Hey, Dana, it's okay, yeah? It's alright, you're alright. We're in our hotel room, we're in Bristol, remember?"

I felt myself calm down under his touch. His soft eyes looking in mine. "Breathe, baby, breathe" he said as he took both my hands in his and pulled himself closer to me. "Follow my breathing, okay? You can do it, I know that. I'm sure, yeah? Breathe in deeply with me, you can do it" and so he took a deep breath. I slowly but surely started to follow his deep breaths in and his deep breaths out. He let me regain my breath before looking me in the eyes again. "You're okay Dana, you're okay, yeah?"

I nodded at him. "I'm okay Harry, thank you". But I felt everything but okay. It had been 3 years since the anxiety attacks had stopped, since I had finally gotten over it. And just like that it had come back, like a tornado invading my peaceful life that had finally been picked up and was finally going well enough.

"I'm sorry, sorry Harry"

"Don't be sorry baby, tell me what happened, I'm here to help you, I'm here for you. You can tell me anything, really. I will not judge you I promise, I may not have an answer to the problem that is troubling your mind, but I can promise you that I will listen to you"

"thank you, but I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to ruin this trip for you, but I really just want to sleep to be honest."

"that is absolutely no problem, if you want to sleep, we'll sleep now. We can do fun things later if you feel better. If you like shopping we'll go shopping and if you like to see movies we'll go see a movie, but that will be later. You can just go to sleep now and wake up whenever you want. Okay, yeah?"

I nodded, and even though I had just had an anxiety attack about the fact that him and I were moving so fast, the feeling of his strong arms around me in the hotel bedroom were the thing that kept me steady. 

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It was not for hours that we woke up, but when we woke up around 3 AM, we both couldn't sleep any longer. My anxiety had faded and my body had returned to it's previous calm state. "So what are we gonna do now? It's too late to still do anything but we've slept so long, I can't sleep anymore." He spoke softly, we were both laying in the bed, on our sides, facing each other. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep my hands away from him.

"I want to take a bath" I whispered, "you should come too".

"you want me to join you in the bath? Are you sure?"

"yes, I'm sure, come on, we've fucked around so it's not like we've never seen each other naked right, it doesn't matter anymore anyway, Harry".

"I'll get the bath running, yes?"

I pulled the blankets over me more tightly than before before softly thanking him

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Hi, new chapter for you guys! I know it's really short and I promise it'll get longer soon, but I need to build up some things first and I figured you'd rather have a short chapter than no chapter at all. I'm so busy rn with school and exams that I can barely find time to update. That is why I have decided to upload shorter chapters so that I can keep updating and still focus on my schoolwork etc.

I hope y'all still like it n stuff 

thank you so much for over 800 read!! omg I wanna cry this is so unexpected holy sheeet.

pls vote !