He Who Conquers Others Is Strong, He Who Conquers Himself Is Mighty

Memory Lane

 "I still can't believe you're here" Mum sighed with a tearful eye as she held my hand across the table. We were sat huddled up in our favourite café. "I think the last few years we've spent most of our time saying that to each other" I giggled a little. Mum snorted at me and rolled her eyes, "I know" she laughed. "since that brother of yours took you away from me." she playfully complained. I laughed at that, "Is he okay though? I know how hard you all work. You both worry me, I don't want either of you working yourselves into the ground." she said, concern flooding her beautiful face. "we're both fine mum, I promise" I smiled. "you know we both love what we do, but he still has his time away from the office. More so now that Abbie is here." I smiled. "and I'm almost on maternity leave. I'm doing less and less in the lab- just a few things in the office to prepare for Amelia taking over. And Jamie is doing really well, with the work load we've been giving her."

"She's a lovely girl that Jamie." mum smiled, "is she still all loved up with Daniel?" she asked, making me smirk at her name for Danny boy. "yeah" I grinned with an eye roll. "they're not without their own drama, but they are so in love." I said, "it's a good job I guess, with the crap that knowing us brings along with it"

"Penelope" Mum frowned, presumably at my curse word. "sorry ma" I sighed, holding back a giggle. "we haven't seen all too much of them lately, other than at the shower." I added. "oh yes, how did that go? I bet it was lovely...we never had anything like that when I was pregnant with you and your brother" she sighed. "well, it was anything but dull" I said- through the side of my mouth- as it were... "go on..." mum readied herself, sitting back in her chair. Right, where the hell do I start?!

............

"Jesus Christ Pen" Mum shook her head in disbelief. "I knew something was wrong when Julian called- but I didn't want to question him too much." 
"what did he say?" I asked her, still I was worried about him. No matter how many times he swore he was okay. "he just said that he wanted to get you away from everything. That you were missing home and he wanted to bring you home before you had the baby" I cringed, "way to stress you out and keep you in the dark" I shook my head and ran my hand over my face. "Don't get mad at him sweetheart, you know he means well. And after that little act that stupid cow pulled, he will have wanted to get away from it all won't he" she reasoned. I guess she was right.

..........

"ahh babe, I've been craving this cuddle all day" Julian sighed in contentment as he snuggled up to spoon me that night. "remind me again why we are staying in my mum's spare room again?" I sassed whilst gripping onto the bed post in fear I was going to fall out. "you know your mom wouldn't hear of us staying in a hotel whilst we're here" J said as he pressed his fluffy cheek against my back. "well yeah, but my god, can you just move over? This bed isn't as big as ours. Any minute I'm gonna be on my arse down there on the carpet" I grumbled. "shush your grumpy butt." he said, wrapping his arms around me tighter, "and tell me about your day" 

I frowned at him before answering him. "It was really nice" I smiled, hugging my pillow. "we had a coffee, and a catch up, and then we went for a little walk around" I said pleasantly. "a walk?" He questioned, "babe, you can't even walk up the stairs at home without gasping for air, where did you go?!" he asked. I tried to give him a side ward glare at his unappreciated observation, but still I replied. "we drove to Sandsend. We stopped in the little café there we like and then had a walk on the beach" I explained. "I loved it there as a kid. Me and Nick used to go up and visit Nanna and Grandad there all the time in the summer holidays" I sighed. "When Grandad retired from the railways, he decided to stay living there. Mum hated it as there was hardly anything there, but we loved it. She'd drop us there for a week and go back home, and we would run down the hill to their house, throw our bags into the front porch and before my nanna could even scold us for dumping our stuff and making a mess, we'd be off down to the shore to find grandad." I smiled. "why was he there?" J asked, nuzzling his fuzzy beard into my bare shoulder. 

"he'd be sitting in his little boat, waiting for us with three fishing rods and a bucket of bait." I giggled. "we'd go out trying to catch us some supper for on the night." I said, "if we caught something we'd take it back and he'd skin it, fry it up and we'd have it by the bonfire they'd have going in the back garden" I said, "Nanna would cook us some of her special potatoes and we'd pig out until neither of us could move" I sighed. "we went by the old place- me and mum. The new owners have totally revamped it. Doesn't even look like the same little cottage as it did back then" I sighed, "sounds like you had an awesome time with your grandparents" Julian said softly, kissing my skin. I nodded silently. "we were so lucky to have family like them" I whispered, desperately trying to hold back the tears that were brimming my eyes. "I miss him so much." I sniffed. "come on bubs, it's okay...." he said softly, stroking my arm, "knowing him from what you've told me about him already- he'd be so proud of you." he whispered, leaning on his arm to prop himself up. He looked down at me and I turned to look at him, "he sounds like he was an awesome guy. I wish I had met him." I found myself smiling up at him. "me too...I think he would have really liked you, for the most part..." I laughed a little through my tears. J chuckled and leaned in to press a small kiss to the tip of my nose. "and I know it totally sucks that your mom and Nanna aren't around you enough, but baby, I promise you that I will do everything I can to have your family around you as much as possible. You know that right?" he asked, those icy blue eyes looking down at me. I sniffed back a few more tears and nodded at him. "good. Cause I ain't breaking any of my promises."

..........

An hour passed by, and then another. And then another. For the life of me I couldn't fall asleep tonight. I don't know what it is. But I just couldn't let go. Julian was uncharacteristically still. Usually he was constantly shuffling when he was asleep- that or rubbing his legs together like a fucking cricket. But even his sleep pattern was off. 

I huffed. 

Glanced at the clock. 

3am. Ugh. The witching hour. 

"fucking hell" I whispered as I rolled onto my back. My pillow was stuffed up against the head board so I wasn't laid totally flat, but I couldn't get comfy like that either. 

"you okay babe?" J groaned- sleep lacing his voice. "I can't bloody sleep" I complained as he rolled over to face me. "me either." he grunted, rubbing his eyes. "I've been trying to count sheep for the last half hour. I got to 234 before I lost count." I turned my head towards him, but I don't think he could see my judgemental expression in the dark. "but then I got to thinking" he said, turning again so he could face me. "how about Leo?" 

The butterflies in my stomach began swirling and my heart was pounding. "y-you. You want to name him after my grandad?" I asked him, feeling somewhat speechless. "Yeah. I mean, I know I haven't met him or anything, but, he means so much to you. A-and I think it's a cool name." he said. we both just lay there, staring up at the ceiling in my old bedroom, J holding onto my hand and stroking his thumb across my knuckles. 

"Leo Francis Edelman" I stated. J's head whipped round to face me. "what?" I asked when I saw his smile, "he's gotta take his Daddy's middle name too" I giggled. "Leo Francis it is baby." he sighed. "Leo Francis"

Happy Holidays everyone! Xxx