He Who Conquers Others Is Strong, He Who Conquers Himself Is Mighty

Calm Before The Chaos

"are you sure you can't stay a few more days?" Mum asked me as I waddled through the house. "J has got to get back for practice...it's the superbowl soon" I said, looking sadly towards my mum. "I know sweetie, I just miss you that's all" 

"I miss you too, but I won't miss that bloody bed!" I smirked, making mum roll her eyes, "hey we don't all have the room to fit a double super king sized bed in our bedrooms!" she argues back with a wry smile. "rememeber where you came from Penelope!" she warned me before shaking her head at me and pulling me in for another hug goodbye. 

"look after that husband of yours" she said into my hair. "I will" I nodded, "because he adores you" she added, "I know mum" I nodded again. "and take care of yourself. And my little grandson" she said, pulling away to look at me. "I worry about you, you're still my little Pen Pen" she said, teary eyed. I smiled at her as she cupped my face in her palms. "I love you ma" I whispered, barely holding the tears in. "I love you too sweetheart." she smiled, as a tear fell down her rosy cheek. "see you soon" I said, always refusing to say goodbye- it was just too final for me. I needed to feel like I was going to see her in a couple of days or something, to try and ease the fact that I obviously knew it was going to be a hell of a lot longer than that. God I hated living in a foreign country some times.

...........

The sound of my loud sigh filled the emptiness of the living room. We were back home after the longest flight of my life. I should have been feeling great after having some time back home with my mum and Nan, going back to see all the places I have missed so much. But it really did just prove to me how much I missed being home. Plus, all the way back here I was thinking about the shit that we had left behind, and I wasn't looking forward to having to face it all again now we were back. 

"what's wrong babe?" Julian walked through from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn under his arm and a six pack in the other. "nothing" I lied, and of course he saw right through it. "come on Pen, you've had a face longer than that little Greyhound of ours since we flew home. What's the matter?" I rolled my eyes a little and shuffled up for him to sit down before I curled up into his side. "I just-" I sighed again, thinking about how to put it. "all the stuff that happened before we left-the reason why we left. I just, I've been dreading coming back to it all" I finally confessed. 

Julian placed his beer on the coffee table and turned to me, "oh baby, it's okay. It's all okay." he hushed me, "before we even left for England I called my manager. I didn't want to deal with it either. I swear to you it is all sorted. Before we even landed in England it was done. Over with." His blue eyes looked right into my own. "All I want," he continued as he took my hand gently in his, "is for my beautiful wife and my baby to be happy and settled. Nothing is going to get in the way of that." He promised. "and God better help anyone that tries." 

...........

"how did we manage to go from unpacking our suitcase to unpacking the Christmas decorations in the same day?" I asked with a laugh as I watched J fighting with the Christmas tree we had just brought back to the house. "because the slightest sniff of snow or the faintest sound of bells at this time of year and you're like a woman possessed until you get the tree in the house" he grunted as he continued to wrestle with the tree to get it standing straight. I chose to ignore his (inaccurate) comment and instead sit enjoying the sight of the tree looking rather alive as he was down at its base shaking it around. 

"I still can't believe your mum has suggested we have Christmas at home this year" I pondered. "like, are we listening to her? Or are we just going to turn up and surprise them?" I asked him as I stuffed part of a bagel into my mouth. "well," he huffed after finally picking the position he wanted for the tree. "we'd be stupid to argue with her" he stated, standing back to admire his tree. I rolled my eyes at him but let him continue, "but I have to admit. She has a point babe" he turned around to look at me, all pink in the face from being bent over for so long. Not that I minded....

"I mean, it's going to be our last ever Christmas just the two of us" he said, moving over to me. I watched him sit on the edge of the couch, facing me. He placed his hand softly onto my stomach and looked down at it with a wide grin. "Babe, I wanna spend some time just us. Just me and you, do what we want, chill out. Pig out. Just be us for once. Cause hell, once the little man is here, our world is going to be thrown into even more chaos than it already is"