Finding You

Chapter 14

JAMES POV

I don't know what I'm doing.

This past week since I've last seen her has been torture and irritation. I can't stop thinking about her and it's driving me crazy. What is going on with me?

I've never done this before. It's not like me to spend my time thinking endlessly about a girl I barely know. I barely give girls second glances when I meet them. I've never felt the need to see someone so bad or the urge to talk to them like I do with Ally. I need to be close to her, or to hear her voice or laugh. To kiss her.

Our first kiss had been long overdue in my books. I've been wanting to do it since Luna Park already but I never got the chance to. Between her snogging up comfortably with Smith's hoodie, us fighting and us nearing death on those rides together, it never seemed like a good time. Granted, my sister being in hospital might also not have been the most ideal time, but at that point, I think I had lost my self-control when she started yelling at me. I just needed to be closer to her. I needed to feel how soft her lips were. I needed to feel her body, every curve and every perfect spot.

I'm not a player. I've never seen myself as one. I don't go sleeping around with girls or making out with them every party I go to, but I've had my fair share of the female population. Most of them are pretty easy to catch, but not this girl. Not Ally.

Ally keeps me on my toes. She keeps me constantly annoyed and constantly confused, but most of all, she keeps me wanting to know more about her. Her story, who she is, what she likes, what she doesn't.

I like hearing her laugh, and I like it even more when I'm the reason for her laugh. She has dimples that lie on her cheeks when she smiles wide enough. I always find myself joking with her or saying things I know she'll find funny so that I get to see her beautiful smile.

Her eyes are none like I've ever seen before as well. They're a piercing pearl blue, and it contrasts with her tan skin and her straight chestnut brown hair that falls on the side of her face when she talks. I sometimes find myself wanting to tuck the loose strands behind her ear, but then realize what a fucking weird thought that would be. She'd think I was psycho.

She and I also argue a lot, mostly over stupid things. I like it when we bicker about the stupidest things though, like at Luna Park when she was trying to tell me how shitty football is compared to rugby, not that it is. That was the first time I had ever heard a girl know so much about sports, and the knowledge seemed to come natural to her. There was something so genuine about the way that she talked about it. She wasn't like other girls who just tried to impress guys with the knowledge that they googled about the night before the date.

I like that she doesn't take my shit either. She calls me out when she thinks I'm out of line, even though it's fucking annoying sometimes. There's so much to like about this girl.

I saw her when she would come and visit Sophie in hospital for those first couple of days but now that Sophie was discharged two days after being admitted, she hasn't visited. Even when she did come and visit Sophie at St Vincent's, she didn't give me much of a second glance. I did, though. I gave many.

I know it's wrong. I shouldn't be focusing on a girl at all right now. That would complicate my problems to extreme lengths and I can't afford to mess up at school. That might cost me my whole future.

But Jesus Christ, this girl is difficult to stay away from. It's like the more I try pulling away from the situation, the further I feel I get sucked in. The worst part is, I don't even think she feels the same way. She kissed me back - that I know for sure. But her face once we pulled away would be enough to make others think that she had seen a ghost. Was it really that bad to kiss me? Was it the kiss itself? This girl is pulling on every insecurity I have at the moment.